My soul cleaves to the dust;
Revive me according to Your word.
I have told of my ways, and You have answered me;
Teach me your statutes.
Make me understand the way of Your precepts,
So I will meditate on Your wonders.
My soul weeps because of grief;
Strengthen me according to Your word.
Remove the false way from me,
And graciously grant me Your law.
I have chosen the faithful way;
I have placed Your ordinances before me.
I cling to Your testimonies;
O LORD, do not put me to shame!
I shall run the way of Your commandments,
For You will enlarge my heart.
Showing posts with label Faith. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Faith. Show all posts
Thursday, May 21, 2015
Tuesday, March 17, 2015
3 weeks
That's how long it's been since I opened my Bible.
My friend and I we sat across the table talking while the snow fell and the wind blew. We sat until the place closed. We shared our hearts, the joys and the pain. We both looked tired and we both felt worn. In the end we realized we shared the same problem. We tend to fool ourselves into thinking we can steal time.
Never in the moment.
Never in the here and now.
Always thinking ahead, convincing ourselves it's a good thing.
All the while becoming more tired, more worn, and more lost.
Now it's the first day of my work week, I should be teaching. Instead I sit in my pajamas on the couch while it snows...Again...You boys play. I'm more tired and more worn today then I was yesterday, and I was more tired yesterday then I was the day before. Always trying to catch up. However, today as it snows, and you play, I choose to sit, desperate to remember the Maker.
My fingers, feeling those pages that seem so foreign, fumble through looking for a start. I want to be amazed, to remember why Jesus is such a big deal. I want to slow and see, to know and be known.
I begin on page 817 where four friends pull a roof apart slowly letting a paralytic down in front of Jesus so he can be healed. Jesus heals. Flipping the page Jesus heals again, and then again.
I can't help but notice that as Jesus heals, people are amazed, and more go to him and more are amazed, and I sit amazed too. But how do I find Him and who do I tell and how am I healed?...Because obviously I am broken.
I notice too that He never plans to heal people or find the broken, but they find Him and He always has time. He says yes to the interruptions. He says yes to the moment, the here and now.
I hear your feet pounding the stairs as you fly up, stopping next to me so you can look over my shoulder. "Oh your reading your Bible," you say to me, and away you go taking your younger brother.
I wonder if maybe this morning in my pajamas, here on this old couch because I said yes to the moment, allowing the interruption that I am finding Jesus. Maybe He is healing me, and maybe I am telling you about Him.
This dear boys, is where I'm at. God is big, and He is good, and I am amazed.
My friend and I we sat across the table talking while the snow fell and the wind blew. We sat until the place closed. We shared our hearts, the joys and the pain. We both looked tired and we both felt worn. In the end we realized we shared the same problem. We tend to fool ourselves into thinking we can steal time.
Never in the moment.
Never in the here and now.
Always thinking ahead, convincing ourselves it's a good thing.
All the while becoming more tired, more worn, and more lost.
Now it's the first day of my work week, I should be teaching. Instead I sit in my pajamas on the couch while it snows...Again...You boys play. I'm more tired and more worn today then I was yesterday, and I was more tired yesterday then I was the day before. Always trying to catch up. However, today as it snows, and you play, I choose to sit, desperate to remember the Maker.
My fingers, feeling those pages that seem so foreign, fumble through looking for a start. I want to be amazed, to remember why Jesus is such a big deal. I want to slow and see, to know and be known.
I begin on page 817 where four friends pull a roof apart slowly letting a paralytic down in front of Jesus so he can be healed. Jesus heals. Flipping the page Jesus heals again, and then again.
I can't help but notice that as Jesus heals, people are amazed, and more go to him and more are amazed, and I sit amazed too. But how do I find Him and who do I tell and how am I healed?...Because obviously I am broken.
I notice too that He never plans to heal people or find the broken, but they find Him and He always has time. He says yes to the interruptions. He says yes to the moment, the here and now.
I hear your feet pounding the stairs as you fly up, stopping next to me so you can look over my shoulder. "Oh your reading your Bible," you say to me, and away you go taking your younger brother.
I wonder if maybe this morning in my pajamas, here on this old couch because I said yes to the moment, allowing the interruption that I am finding Jesus. Maybe He is healing me, and maybe I am telling you about Him.
This dear boys, is where I'm at. God is big, and He is good, and I am amazed.
Sunday, December 14, 2014
Time is my enemy, or is it?
My head pounds.
My body aches.
My soul throbs.
I'm not sick.
I'm overwhelmed.
My job, 48 hours doesn't seem like enough. It's one of my loves, my team, working all positions, dealing with both the satisfied and unhappy customers, learning; the never ending learning, and the quit times of maintaining my store, all of this I love.
And yet my true love is at home being super Dad, as days go by where this Mom sees her boys for minutes only. Two in a half days, really 30 hours a week is not enough time to be a mother, a wife, a housekeeper, a cook, and a friend.
The throbbing of my soul? Some how even in the thrills of life when I should see the blessings of a job I love and boys who are growing into men, and a husband who fights for our family, and the beauty of nature surrounding me, some how I forget the Giver; the Maker of all things good; both the heavens and the earth. My souls throbs from the disconnect. What is life without the One who gives me breath?
If only I cold slow time, or maybe just add a few hours here and there. Then maybe I could find rest and beauty in these three loves of mine. As I sit in the quiet this is what I contemplate. How can I make time? The answer: I can not only God can add time to life. All living things are bond by it, chained by it being dragged hour by hour, minute by minute, helpless to slow it. Even so this these chains should bring me joy. Without time there would be no end. If there is no end why would there be any hope for what is to come.
What is it that I hope to have before my time runs out? I hope for a home that is ours to share with hurting souls. A Haven for others to find rest, for us to find rest in, a place full of Life. I hope for my own store where I can daily be in the kitchen doing what I love in a small hole in some back ally corner where my cooking and the atmosphere does the advertising for me. I hope for my boys to grow into men, and then fathers, friends of mine, but most of all lovers of God.
My conclusion, Keep on keeping on, and to remember the words of a wise man, "It is good that you grasp one thing and also not let go of the other; for the one who fears God comes forth with both of them."
Sunday, November 23, 2014
To all my friends...
...Who are fighting for the joy in both the daily life, and the unexpected that we are given.
Gifts...
246. The ability to choose Joy.
247. Music that heals the soul.
248. A God "who is able to do far more abundantly beyond all that we ask or think, according to the power that works withing us." (Quoting the apostle Paul who being locked in a prison for years still was able to say it perfectly.)
May I give Him the glory of all my Joy, by slowing to see life for all that it is.
Thursday, May 15, 2014
It lulls me back in time...
The house is quiet, except for a hum in the background. I'm not sure what is causing it, but I don't mind though, its the sound of your house. It lulls my mind back in time for a walk with you.
I'm a Mommy now, Silas sleeps up stairs while Grandpa bounces and sings Isaac to sleep in the dark of another room. You are sitting in your chair and I am close by on the couch. We talk about my boys. You're amazed at how well two year old Silas did washing eggs with you that morning, not breaking a single one. I shake my head again as I tell you how surprised I was to come into the kitchen as you were preparing dinner to find him helping you shape the beef into patties for hamburgers. You defend yourself by telling me that he was only touching the wax paper not the raw meat. I just smile still shaking my head. You change the subject commenting on how much he looks just like me when I was little. he has my freckles and curly hair. I tell you he also has our strong will. That sends us back in time. You begin to tell me a story about how I once refused to eat a hot dog. I don't remember this as I was too young, but I do remember sitting at the table for hours one night because I refused to finish my supper. You won that battle of the wills. But the time I arrived at your house with a bad gash on my finger from a tin can and you insisted that every night before bed I put it in some rubbing alcohol...that battle I won, even if I did have to call Mom to get out of that awful task.
The walk continues late into the night. Reminiscing about my childhood.
Climbing the walls just before the bathroom and then waiting for some somebody to either need something out of the pantry or to use the bathroom so I could jump down scaring them. You told us that you had done that when you were a child and that your boys had done it and that now we could as well.
The time we were at the farm, the window above the kitchen sink was open and we were making apple pies. I remember the window was open because Grandpa and Justin were out back doing something. I wanted to be with them but you insisted that I should be with you making pies. As we searched the freshly picked apples looking for the right ones. You picked out a snarly looking apple and asked if I thought we should use it in our pies. I didn't. You cut into it to show me a perfectly healthy apple, and then used it as a lesson as to how we should never judge by what's on the outside, but we should take the time to see what's inside...A life changing lesson.
All those times you made me go to church with you when there were other places I'd rather be, like on the ski slopes. That got us into even more hours talking about your deepest love; Jesus. You shared with me how much He means to you, how proud you were of me that I loved Him in the same way. You shared your heart with me of how much you hoped those close to you would also love Him. You have hope because, "The Lord is not slow about His promise, as some count as slow, but is patient toward you, not wishing for any to perish but for all to come to repentance." (Written by a close friend of Jesus, Peter).
Then you would explain to me how sorry you were for how you raised your boys. If you could go back and not push Jesus' gift on them quite so much. You understand now that it's a gift that only the Holy Spirit can give not a gift that you can force somebody to take. If only you hadn't been so hard on them. But you know you can't go back so you take what you know now and trust God. You do your best to support them and love them now hoping through your actions to show them how important Jesus is. You go again back to Peter's words and encourage me not to give up hope and reassure me that you haven't.
We notice the clock realizing it's past midnight and we need to go to sleep. Those two little boys will be awake and ready to go in just a few hours, and so we say good night.
I'm a Mommy now, Silas sleeps up stairs while Grandpa bounces and sings Isaac to sleep in the dark of another room. You are sitting in your chair and I am close by on the couch. We talk about my boys. You're amazed at how well two year old Silas did washing eggs with you that morning, not breaking a single one. I shake my head again as I tell you how surprised I was to come into the kitchen as you were preparing dinner to find him helping you shape the beef into patties for hamburgers. You defend yourself by telling me that he was only touching the wax paper not the raw meat. I just smile still shaking my head. You change the subject commenting on how much he looks just like me when I was little. he has my freckles and curly hair. I tell you he also has our strong will. That sends us back in time. You begin to tell me a story about how I once refused to eat a hot dog. I don't remember this as I was too young, but I do remember sitting at the table for hours one night because I refused to finish my supper. You won that battle of the wills. But the time I arrived at your house with a bad gash on my finger from a tin can and you insisted that every night before bed I put it in some rubbing alcohol...that battle I won, even if I did have to call Mom to get out of that awful task.
 |
| You two did everything together that weekend, washed eggs, made dinner, painted his favorite sword, & baked a cake. |
The walk continues late into the night. Reminiscing about my childhood.
Climbing the walls just before the bathroom and then waiting for some somebody to either need something out of the pantry or to use the bathroom so I could jump down scaring them. You told us that you had done that when you were a child and that your boys had done it and that now we could as well.
The time we were at the farm, the window above the kitchen sink was open and we were making apple pies. I remember the window was open because Grandpa and Justin were out back doing something. I wanted to be with them but you insisted that I should be with you making pies. As we searched the freshly picked apples looking for the right ones. You picked out a snarly looking apple and asked if I thought we should use it in our pies. I didn't. You cut into it to show me a perfectly healthy apple, and then used it as a lesson as to how we should never judge by what's on the outside, but we should take the time to see what's inside...A life changing lesson.
All those times you made me go to church with you when there were other places I'd rather be, like on the ski slopes. That got us into even more hours talking about your deepest love; Jesus. You shared with me how much He means to you, how proud you were of me that I loved Him in the same way. You shared your heart with me of how much you hoped those close to you would also love Him. You have hope because, "The Lord is not slow about His promise, as some count as slow, but is patient toward you, not wishing for any to perish but for all to come to repentance." (Written by a close friend of Jesus, Peter).
We notice the clock realizing it's past midnight and we need to go to sleep. Those two little boys will be awake and ready to go in just a few hours, and so we say good night.
Saturday, June 22, 2013
When...
... Laundry piles high and floors are perpetually dirty.
... Brothers antagonize each other and Momma turns blue from it all.
... Mania regains its strength striking again, my soul exhausted yet determined to win this war.
... I spew words of fire, unable to call them back.
... Hearts are heavy as battles rage among spiritual brothers and sisters.
... Some I care for tell me they "would rather go to Hell then become a christian", because they've been hurt too many times by those in the church.
... I stand in the dark asking, "Now what?"
When life, like the laundry, piles high. When standing on my tippy toes I can barely see the Son.
Slowly I wade through willing myself to keep my eyes steady, knowing that if I blink those piles of life will come crashing down. The story of Peter defying the laws of science, walking on water to Jesus continuously playing through my mind. The part where he drops his gaze for just a minute, forgetting to trust. I may be like Peter, walking on water, mentally speaking, but I am determined to learn from his mistake. I am determined not to blink.
... Brothers antagonize each other and Momma turns blue from it all.
... Mania regains its strength striking again, my soul exhausted yet determined to win this war.
... I spew words of fire, unable to call them back.
... Hearts are heavy as battles rage among spiritual brothers and sisters.
... Some I care for tell me they "would rather go to Hell then become a christian", because they've been hurt too many times by those in the church.
... I stand in the dark asking, "Now what?"
When life, like the laundry, piles high. When standing on my tippy toes I can barely see the Son.
Slowly I wade through willing myself to keep my eyes steady, knowing that if I blink those piles of life will come crashing down. The story of Peter defying the laws of science, walking on water to Jesus continuously playing through my mind. The part where he drops his gaze for just a minute, forgetting to trust. I may be like Peter, walking on water, mentally speaking, but I am determined to learn from his mistake. I am determined not to blink.
Trust in the LORD forever, for in GOD the LORD, we have an everlasting Rock.
~ Isaiah 26:4
Friday, April 5, 2013
To the two who grew in my womb,
There will be times when only you will know what it is God has asked you to do. Good intentioned people will not understand and even try to change your ways, I may not even understand. When these times come beg God to search your heart and show you if you have turned away from Him. (Don't ask Him to affirm your actions as proof that you are doing what's right. One question is asked in humility while the other in pride, and it is the humble heart that He will direct.) If you through all your searching of Him and if He finds you blameless in all His searching of you are still convicted to walk against the well intentioned and perplexed mother then remember these people and carry on.
Now faith is the assurance of the things hoped for, the conviction of things not seen. For by it the men of old gained approval. By faith we understand that the worlds were prepared by the word of God so that what is seen was not made out of things which are visible.
By faith...
...Abraham, when tested, offered up Isaac, and he who had received the promises was offering up his only begotten son; it was he to whom it was said, "In Isaac your descendants shall be called."
...Even Sarah herself received ability to conceive.
...Isaac...Jacob...Joseph...Moses...
...The walls of Jericho fell.
...Rahab the harlot...
...Women received back their dead by resurrection.
...Others were tortured...experienced mockings and scourgings...chains and imprisonment...they were stoned...sawn in two...tempted...put to death...
And all these, having gained approval through their faith...(Hebrews 11)
And some will say, my loves, that these are men of the past of the Old Testament, before the new covenant was established. Then boys remember these:
~George Muller who built multiple orphanages simply by praying; through faith.
~Jim Elliot who had a great ministry by all Christian standards here in the U.S. but left to love a people that ended up killing him.
~Elisabeth, Mr. Elliot's wife, who after her husband was killed went to those same people and watched them come to know Jesus and eventually the entire tribe.
~Francis Chan, who gave away 90% of his income and watched God change heart after heart, and miracle after miracle happen.
Sometimes what we are asked to do will be understood only by God.
May you, dearest boys, find God's approval through your faith.
Love you,
Mommy
Now faith is the assurance of the things hoped for, the conviction of things not seen. For by it the men of old gained approval. By faith we understand that the worlds were prepared by the word of God so that what is seen was not made out of things which are visible.
By faith...
...Abraham, when tested, offered up Isaac, and he who had received the promises was offering up his only begotten son; it was he to whom it was said, "In Isaac your descendants shall be called."
...Even Sarah herself received ability to conceive.
...Isaac...Jacob...Joseph...Moses...
...The walls of Jericho fell.
...Rahab the harlot...
...Women received back their dead by resurrection.
...Others were tortured...experienced mockings and scourgings...chains and imprisonment...they were stoned...sawn in two...tempted...put to death...
And all these, having gained approval through their faith...(Hebrews 11)
And some will say, my loves, that these are men of the past of the Old Testament, before the new covenant was established. Then boys remember these:
~George Muller who built multiple orphanages simply by praying; through faith.
~Jim Elliot who had a great ministry by all Christian standards here in the U.S. but left to love a people that ended up killing him.
~Elisabeth, Mr. Elliot's wife, who after her husband was killed went to those same people and watched them come to know Jesus and eventually the entire tribe.
~Francis Chan, who gave away 90% of his income and watched God change heart after heart, and miracle after miracle happen.
Sometimes what we are asked to do will be understood only by God.
May you, dearest boys, find God's approval through your faith.
Love you,
Mommy
And He began to teach them that the Son of Man must suffer many things and be rejected by the elders and the chief priests and the scribes, and be killed, and after three days rise again. And He was stating the matter plainly. And Peter took Him aside and began to rebuke Him. but turning around and seeing His disciples, He rebuked Peter and said, "Get behind me, Satan; for you are not setting your mind on God's interests, but man's."
~ Mark 8:31-33
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)