Love Does, the 100th day of school, and a grumpy Momma heart

Sweet Boys,

I think my favorite 100th day of school will forever be this year's.  Usually I plan some big epic celebration for our 100th day, but this year you guys wanted to plan it.

I think it all started with this book called Love Does for Kids, by Bob Goff that we were reading.  Dad read it first (the adult version), and then I read it, and then we read it together as a family.  Bob takes simple things and makes them big.  He takes everyday life and finds ways to show people that they are loved.  Like the time he sent flowers to the lady who hit his Jeep, or the time he dropped popsicles out of his airplane to the kids who were tired from the hike.  When I asked you if you wanted to help plan the 100th day of school you guys instantly said yes, and said you wanted to see if we could do 100 acts of kindness in a day.  And so you began planning.

First we would leave quarters in the 25 cent machines around town.
Then we would give goody bags to our local firefighters and policemen.
We would drop off balloons for our local pediatric floor, and some for the kids that visit our very own pediatrician.
We would buy a few things for our sweet baby girl that lives a few miles away.
Dad would pay tolls for the people behind him as he drove all over the state.
We would find a way to tell our favorite cashier at the grocery store we loved her.

It was going to be a glorious day.

Finally the 100th day came bringing along a snowstorm, and head colds.  So we waited.  On the 113th day of school I woke up grumpy.  My heart was not full of joy, our Happy one wasn't very happy, and you big ones were on the edge so I decided that it was now or never and we were going to change our attitudes by trying to hit our goal of 100 acts of kindness.  We went to the store and things got worse for me.  In all of your excitement for the day you were having trouble remembering your manners.  Even so things just seemed to keep getting worse for me, we brought 28 balloons out of the store as the wind blew hard tangling 28 strings together.  But you guys didn't care, because all you could think about was how excited some sick kids were going to react when they were surprised by these balloons.  As I drove you happily chatted and kept your fingers busy as they untangled all the the balloon strings.  I called the pediatric ward to make sure it would be alright for us to bring balloons up.  They said it was fine, only for us to find out as we stood in the entryway that kids under 12 (all of you) weren't allowed into the hospital because it was flu season.  In fact they almost sent us away!  But you didn't care, after standing there for 20 minutes while they tried to find somebody to get the balloons, all you could think about was the joy these kids were about to get.

When we finally pulled back into the driveway at 7:30 that night, my heart had softened.  All of us were laughing, and even though nobody gave to you that day all of our love tanks were full.  I was reminded again that sometimes the best thing to do for ourselves is to take time to love somebody else.

Then came Day number 114.  We actually didn't have enough time to drop off all of the goods the day before leaving us with a few stops the next morning.  I'm glad we ran out of time because on the next day we got to see the police museum, the Duck of Justice, and you had a tour of the Main St. Fire department given by the assistant fire chief himself, and you got to see some of the smiles on the kids faces as the nurses from our own pediatricians office gave the balloons out (because we just happened to have an appointment there ourselves).  None of this we had planned, hoped for or even thought about.  It was an amazing way to end our most Epic 100th day of school.

Boys, I hope that when you look back on your childhood that you remember that Mom and Dad did our best to love people.  My biggest goal for you as you grow into men is that you love Jesus first and that you love others second.  Thank you for teaching me as you grow.  Thank you for these amazing two days of wild adventurous fun.

A friend of Jesus says to "Pursue love..."

Dad we're watching you

Lover,

One of your best qualities as a father is how real you are with our boys, admitting your mistakes and teaching them to always strive to be better men.  Thank you for your humility allowing yourself to have a teachable spirit, in doing so leading us to do the same.

Love always and TFA,
Shan

As each season ends a legacy is born.

Some legacies are wished to be forgotten by the ones who receive them and some just go down in memories possibly being recalled at family reunions, but others can hardly be forgotten.

"You will never know how to live until you are ready to die." written in Grampy's hand in the back of his Bible.

 

This past month Strong man's grandfather passed from this world to the next.  He was a mighty man.  He fought in WWII taking a bullet for his country and then continued protecting this country by securing our borders.  He lived up on a hill in a little town occupied by, at best 100 people.  When I met him at 89 he was still using the tractor and chainsaw.  (He defied time as his 89th year lasted for at least the first four years of my marriage.)  He knew everybody by name and most of those he knew tried to get a copy of his cinnamon bun recipe.  His character was one that most will never achieve and so was his generosity. 

 

But as many said their goodbyes, these accomplishments were not the outstanding memory.  The legacy that "Old Grandpa," as my boys would say, left behind was that he loved Jesus and he was compelled to tell every human being he crossed paths with that they should too.

When he left for the grocery store he not only made sure to bring his shopping list but more importantly he brought at least two pocket Bibles to give away just in case he had the chance.  And he ALWAYS turned that chance into a reality, not just when he was grocery shopping but anytime he left the house.  In fact he didn't even have to leave the house, any who would come into his home both friend and stranger could not say they didn't know of the Jesus from the Bible as they left.  Countless will walk through the gates of heaven because he took the time to tell them about his Savior, giving each of those people a small pocket Bible as a gift.  His faith and example to those of us watching is the most valuable part of the legacy he left behind.

This is the reason so many of us passed his name onto our sons. 

I don't know how it is possible but for my Strong Man, he was even more then mighty in character, more then generous, more than spiritually life saving, he was a "man of old," as the author of Hebrews 11 calls the old testament hero's.

 

Maybe it's because he spent summers up on the hill with his Grampy, as he called him. 
Maybe it's because he was with him so many times he paused as if nothing were more important but to give one of those Bibles away. 
Maybe it's because he heard those life saving words leave his Grampy's mouth over and over.

 

I'm sure it's in part the way Grampy and Nana read there Bible and prayed together everyday.
I'm sure it's in part because Grampy made sure to include him as a child and even as an adult into these daily readings.
I'm sure it's in part Grampy's insistence to always pray with him before they parted ways.

Before Strong man would consider me as his wife I had to spend a day up on the hill with him and his Grampy, looking for Grampy's approval of me...I'm sure of the moment Grampy thought I was a keeper.  It was when I solved the dilemma of cleaning the chainsaws hard to reach area's with a Q-tip.  And I'm sure Strong man new I was keeper when I assured his grandfather the lunch he made for us was amazing.  Still to this day I'm not sure what it was we ate, but it did have peas included; the one and only vegetable I hate to eat cooked.  Only later that day through conversation did Strong man learn I detested cooked peas.  Or more likely Strong man knew I was "The One" when Grampy invited me back and I was willing to return.  Shortly there after I found a diamond on my finger and wedding bells in the air.  As we planned we decided there was no better way then to start our life together with Grampy standing before the throne on our behalf and so with a 20 minute prayer limit, Grampy closed our wedding ceremony and birthed us spiritually into marriage.  Sweet memories. 

 

But even when these memories fade I pray his legacy will live on past my Strong man, into my sons who may pass it to there children, for many generations to come may his love for Jesus, his legacy only become stronger.
Simple reflection on the legacy he left behind proves he "gained approval through his faith."  Yes, I'm sure that if he had lived before the list of the "Men of old" was written he would surely be one of those men. 

I will cause Your name to be remembered in all generations;  Therefore the peoples will give You thanks forever and ever.

~ Psalm 45:17

To the two who grew in my womb,

There will be times when only you will know what it is God has asked you to do.  Good intentioned people will not understand and even try to change your ways, I may not even understand.  When these times come beg God to search your heart and show you if you have turned away from Him.  (Don't ask Him to affirm your actions as proof that you are doing what's right.  One question is asked in humility while the other in pride, and it is the humble heart that He will direct.)  If you through all your searching of Him and if He finds you blameless in all His searching of you are still convicted to walk against the well intentioned and perplexed mother then remember these people and carry on.

Now faith is the assurance of the things hoped for, the conviction of things not seen.  For by it the men of old gained approval.  By faith we understand that the worlds were prepared by the word of God so that what is seen was not made out of things which are visible. 

By faith...
...Abraham, when tested, offered up Isaac, and he who had received the promises was offering up his only begotten son; it was he to whom it was said, "In Isaac your descendants shall be called."
...Even Sarah herself received ability to conceive.
...Isaac...Jacob...Joseph...Moses...
...The walls of Jericho fell.
...Rahab the harlot...
...Women received back their dead by resurrection.
...Others were tortured...experienced mockings and scourgings...chains and imprisonment...they were stoned...sawn in two...tempted...put to death...

And all these, having gained approval through their faith...(Hebrews 11)

And some will say, my loves, that these are men of the past of the Old Testament, before the new covenant was established.  Then boys remember these:

~George Muller who built multiple orphanages simply by praying; through faith.
~Jim Elliot who had a great ministry by all Christian standards here in the U.S. but left to love a people that ended up killing him.
~Elisabeth, Mr. Elliot's wife, who after her husband was killed went to those same people and watched them come to know Jesus and eventually the entire tribe.
~Francis Chan, who gave away 90% of his income and watched God change heart after heart, and miracle after miracle happen.

Sometimes what we are asked to do will be understood only by God. 

May you, dearest boys, find God's approval through your faith.

Love you,
Mommy

And He began to teach them that the Son of Man must suffer many things and be rejected by the elders and the chief priests and the scribes, and be killed, and after three days rise again.  And He was stating the matter plainly.  And Peter took Him aside and began to rebuke Him.  but turning around and seeing His disciples, He rebuked Peter and said, "Get behind me, Satan; for you are not setting your mind on God's interests, but man's."

~ Mark 8:31-33

But what of me?

Honest love...honest love...two words that slap me in the face with almost every breath.  Two words that won't be seen side by side any where in the Bible, but then when one puts there heart so painstakingly out there some things don't need to be said but are simply known.  Honest love.  God's love is honest.  No doubt in the mind of any who know Him.  But what of me, is there a doubt in others that I reflect honest love?  I look in the mirror, I see clearly that my love is far from honest, my reflection blemished, and that is when I feel the sting.

I pull out my crayon box in search for the right colors so I can see those God breathed words come together.  My red crayon to remember sacrifice, because isn't that the foundation of love.  With purple I will uncover the heart.  At first I move slow and find my thoughts drifting, but days pass and the pages turn faster and naps end quickly and it's not enough time.  I need more time.  These Holy words need more of my time.  I so desperately need to see. 

Alone sipping coffee the pages turn, crayon marks show me how far I am from Honest Love, the foundation of God's heart.  The more I search the more my religion is torn apart.  This is good, because God hates rituals, and isn't religion just a list of rituals to check off ensuring one has done enough?  Isn't religion just one more caution that God doesn't simply want obedience but wants our love.

Is it a fast like this which I choose, a day for a man to humble himself?  Is it for bowing one's head like a reed and for spreading out sackcloth and ashes as a bed?  Will you call this a fast, even an acceptable day to the LORD? Is this not the fast which I choose, to loosen the bonds of wickedness, to undo the bands of the yoke, and to let the oppressed go free and break every yoke?  Is it not to divide your bread with the hungry and bring the homeless poor into the house; when you see the naked, to cover him; and not to hide yourself from your own flesh?  Then your light will break out like the dawn, and your recovery will speedily spring forth; and your righteousness will go before you; the glory of the LORD will be your rear guard.  Then you will call, and the LORD will answer; you will cry, and He will say, "Here I am."

 

~ Isaiah 58:5-9a

A full house makes a happy Momma

It's kind of ironic that an introvert like me would want to have people staying at my house, but I do.

Don't get me wrong I must have my own sanctuary of space. As long as I have that then I'm good to go.

So bring on the people.  Just last week we fit 12 people around our dining room table.  I breathed a sigh of joy as I sat down to dinner with these people.

Memories are being made.

For a time we have a family of four staying with us.  It is good.

 



Our household is now made up of more children then adults. 

And so we have lost a dining room and invented a play room.

The goal is to reign in a bit of the chaos, protect running feet from a fire place, and give all a sanctuary by making bedrooms off limits.

My laundry room has become a place for the Momma's to have heart talks while keeping our hands busy.  Each guest brings a bit of change, but love is being shown and hearts are being healed.

*Written a few weeks ago but never published.  The family of four have moved back to there own place.

January 1, 2013

On the day we decided to accept our gift house I began praying.  Praying for a full house.  Praying for a place where we can share life with others who know they themselves can do no more; there only hope is to hold tight to the only truth they know:  Jesus.

A hope.  A prayer.  A dream.  All three spanning a time of nine years.  A passion only God could put in my heart.

 

As we've moved into this gift house, we have adjusted to what stewardship of such a big responsibility really means.  In many ways more work on our part but I have also rested in knowing that I had time to test the waters of Haven.  We have held large feast.  We have hosted friends talking of spiritual things into the late hours.  We have laughed with many.  We have feed some.  We have found rhythm.  We have found joy.  We have tested the waters.  It has been good.

God has also said it is good.  He has seen our faithfulness.  He has seen our trust in Him.  One day when He knew we were ready to dive in we received a knock on the door.  A women and her three children asking for a place only for a night or two.  A women I instantly feel in love with this past summer when our paths first crossed.  A women I have not only wanted to pray for but have needed to sit with my Father petitioning on her behalf.  A women who mixes both my desire for Haven and my desire to touch unknown soil and those who grew up on it.  Two passions I never thought would mix.  A women who sees the need to widen her circle.

Only God knows what our journey together will look like or how long it will last.  It will be good, because God promises to those who know Him that all is good. 

We have officially taken our first jump into Haven.

Trust in the LORD and do good;  Dwell in the land and cultivate faithfulness.  Delight yourself in the LORD; and He will give you the desires of your heart.  Commit your way to the LORD, trust also in Him, and He will do it.

~ Psalm 37:3-5

My gifts:
~ A God who trusts me.
~ Again, this gift house.
~ My family unified in our love for these four.
~ A God who has said it is good.
~ Nine years of praying, dreaming, finally being granted.

A laid back Christmas

In past years we've decorated not only the Christmas tree but also the boys bedroom and other rooms, this year we're not really feeling it. 

Last year we had a two foot Christmas tree to which we added a decoration each day of the advent. This year we're two days into the advent season and haven't done a thing. I'm thinkin' this year we'll skip it.

This year we have the biggest Christmas tree we've ever had, but minutes after we turned our lights on the middle section went out leaving us to simply shrug. Our big ol' tree won't stand straight so it's leaning over with some books at the base of the stand to hold it steady.

All of these imperfection are okay as perfection isn't our goal.  The traditions and celebrations of each year may change but there are some absolutes. 

Such as reading our Christmas books. This year we added a new one to our collection called, "God gave us Christmas". It's a really good book about a polar bear cub learning the everything is a gift from God, but the greatest gift was Jesus. 

We try to not only tell the boys that Christmas is all about giving but we try to let the boys give.  Last year we did this with our advent calander some days giving to friends, singing to God of even finding a stranger to give to.  One way we are giving this year is by not filling up our stockings a choice we all made as a family.  Instead we're using the money to buy animals for families that have no money in other parts of the world.  If you're interested check out World visions online gift catalog by clicking here.


Photo taken from World Vision online gift catalog.

I kind of like that each year is different.  It keeps us focused on Jesus and giving rather then on perfecting family traditions.

Remember His covenant forever, the word which He command to a thousand generations.  The covenant which he made with Abraham, and His oath to Isaac.

~ 1 Chronicles 16:15 & 16



A season of small

Everything is a season, right? 
Are not all season good?
Here is how I came to a season of small...

All pictures are of the Andrassy Castle in my Hungarian home town.

I once had this dream. I would be a missionary. Since I loved to organize that would be my job. First I would start small organizing work assignments for others and then organizing whole departments and then going all over the world from one campus to the next organizing. I wanted big. What little I tasted of this dream it was good, so very good.

Welcome to the Castle Foyer.

 

My last two years in Hungary I began having another dream. This dream was much, much smaller. It went something like this: I dreamed I would move back to Maine somehow buy a big old house. Actually I had my eye on a big old victorian style house where I could have broken people who needed a place of spiritual rest and healing come live life with me. It was small. If it ever happened I knew it would be good. But big was what I wanted. I had already tasted it, being totally and fully energized by the work I did. I knew big was for me. I knew God had made me to do big things. It was going to be good.

 

Little did I know God would take all my finances away sending me back to Maine. In turn leading me to a man who had the same small dream I had allowing us, to together, begin following this dream.

Dear, dear friends that words can not describe my love for each of these people.

Recently I had the chance to step back into my big dream life doing the same work I had done in the past.  Let me tell you it was good.  It was energizing and refreshing.  When you're surrounded by people who dream big how can you not be energized.  As much as I thrived off of it I learned big is not for me. I want small.  I want the details of life.  I want to intimate relationships with people who are fighting to live a normal life dealing with the daily junk that is handed to them.  I want to be with the abused, and broken.  I want to serve the poor.  I want to help grow those who have just been introduced to my bestie, Jesus.  I want small.  I want daily.  I know it is good.

 

 

 

 

Above all, keep fervent in your love for one another, because love covers a multitude of sins.  Be hospitable to one another without complaint.  As each one has received a special gift, employ it in serving one another as good stewards of the manifold grace of God.  Whoever speaks, is to do so as one who is speaking the utterances of God; whoever serves is to do so as one who is serving by the strength which God supplies; so that in all things God may be glorified through Jesus Christ, to whom belongs the glory and the dominion forever and ever. Amen.

~ 1 Peter 4:8-11