Warring for Joy

Warring with oneself is exhausting.  Every minute I fight the battle to see and feel the Joy.  It's as if I'm watching a tug of war contest within my own self.  I can almost physically feel the pull for joy and then the pull for darkness.  Joy.  Darkness.  Joy.  Darkness.  Joy.  Darkness...I need a break; a retreat.

I run to the bathroom.  I sit on the tub's edge only to say, "Lord I know you are enough. Like Paul who was in prison fighting, himself, for perfect joy I know that You can get me through this."

A knock at the door, my oldest needs to pee. Didn't he just do that? Oh well it is enough. To know that this battle against these destroying emotions of lies will be overcome with Joy. God is enough. If He could give Paul joy he can surely give this simple Momma joy. 

He is enough.

Come to Me, all who are weary and heavy-laden, and I will give you rest.

~ Matthew 11:28

568. Happy, joyful boys even though I'm fighting tears.

569. A strong man to hold me physically and emotionally.

570. Husband that leads with love.

571. Songs of praise to clean my soul.

572. A Maker that gives me rest.

As you've noticed, I'm sure by now, I'm an Ann Voskamp fan.  Today's post When you're looking for patches of light encouraged me.  I recomend you check it out if you haven't already.

Beautiful Dirt

Dirt.  A constant fight.

A losing battle when it comes to boys.  I consider it a success if they are clean 10 minutes after bath time.

Then the LORD God formed man of dust from the ground, and breathed into his nostrils the breath of life; and man became a living being. (Genesis 2:7)

The Maker of the heavens and the earth, the One who knows nothing greater then Himself, used dirt to make man.  He spoke the rest of creation into being, but man the highest of all else created, made in His image, the Maker used dirt to create.

Just as dirt brings joy to little boys.  Dirt brings joy to my Creator.

I am a dirty, messy person.  On both the inside and the out I'm filthy.  Yet I am loved, pursued even by my Maker who doesn't mind a little dirt. 

The LORD appeared to him from afar, saying, "I have loved you with an everlasting love;  Therefore I have drawn you with lovingkindness. ~ Jeremiah 31:3 

563.  Husband sacrificing shower so I can sip coffee in quiet.

564.  Friends who call.

565.  A creator that lavishes love on me.

566.  Examples to follow.

567.  Dirt

An unexpected retreat

A week ago I received an email from some very dear friends asking us if we'd be willing to animal sit for them.  Of course we were more then willing!  However this was not your normal animal sitting of your friends cat.  This was taking care of 2 dogs, a horse, some chickens, a few pigs, half a dozen cows, and the cat.  We quickly agreed but gave them the disclosure of who knows what there animals will look like when they arrived home. 

Don't be fooled by these pups, they are full of mischief!  At dusk these pups came to the door and one was missing her collar.  The next morning as I watched them play I realized she didn't just loose her collar, but they take each others collars off. 



This is Sarah the horse.  Of the farm animals she was the least favorite of the boys, but I didn't mind.  I spent lots of time talking with her as I fed her.  I think we were friends by the end of the weekend.

This boy loved helping.  Even though he didn't care for Sarah he loved the cows and was more then willing to feed them. 

Of the 17 eggs we collected only two were broken.  Mainly because a one year old loved the chickies and the eggs a little too much.  He couldn't wait for this part of chore time.

 

My oldest though helped clean the eggs and didn't break a single one. 

I realized just as the first feeding time ended that I really didn't do too much.  I feed Sarah, but mostly took pictures of my three favorite men.  I don't think they minded too much. 

While we took care of these animals my Strong man still had to work, the boys and I went to birthday party for two of our favorite friends, and we still went to church on Sunday morning, but somehow being away from the city noise and taking care of the animals brought us rest.  It was a retreat without truly retreating.  Praise the Lord for the simple things in life.

Three little chicks hatched while we were visiting.

There Momma built a nest in the bird feeder on the deck.  I guess we're not the only ones that find rest here.

We went for walks on the property and did lots of rock hopping. 

I was given stemless flowers full of love.

All in all it was a great weekend!

God saw all that He had made, and behold, it was very good. 

~ Genesis 1:31a

467.  Feeding friends animals
468.  Watching my man of the woods feel purposeful.
469.  Simple meal after busy day.
470.  Brothers wrestling as friends.
471.  Son of laughter enjoys having his teeth brushed.
472.  Boys go to bed well in a new place.
473.  HGTV-Relaxing TV as I wait from my Strong man.
474.  Friends who trusts us with there house and animals.
475.  Beautiful view.
476.  Dog missing a collar--quickly found.
477.  Waking to a beautiful view.
478.  Great weather while visiting.
479.  Wonderful worship service.
480.  Vibrant colors of wildflowers along the walking path.
481.  Flower with no stem picked by my youngest son.
482.  Generosity of friends.
483.  Greeting friends as they arrive home.
484.  Farm life for two days.
485.  Car ride talks with my oldest son.



My dearest Dads,

I was sitting in church this past Sunday and while I took part in one of my favorite things, sing songs of praise to the ultimate Father, I couldn't stop thinking about either of you.  I've been trying to post a blog about an unexpected retreat my family had this past weekend, but I decided to put it on hold until I sent you a quick note.  I think maybe I thought so much of you this past Sunday because I used so much of what you both taught me over the weekend.  I stopped and enjoyed the simple, and listened to the birds sing.  I also lived my life on a farm and couldn't stop thinking of the time we were running around the yard trying to catch that bloody chicken that was literally being peeked to death.  You and I were the only ones home and I'm sorry to say I wasn't much help.  I said from that day on I would never own chickens.  Anyway, I'm getting side tracked.

Here's the thing--life, people actually, are messy.  All three of us are messy people.  Having two Dads is not the way God intended the family to function and yet here I am your daughter.  When I think of the three of us I'm am constantly reminded of Romans 8:28, which says, in my own words, that God takes our messiness and uses it for good.  I have found that to be true in my life.  I wouldn't change a thing if I could.  You both molded and shaped me in ways that only a father can.  Thank you for loving me. 

If you look back over my blog you'll notice that I'm making a list of joys in my life.  Here are a few from the past.

489.  A father that enjoys the Small things.
490.  A father that chose me and my family.
491.  You taught me to enjoy the songs of nature.
492.  You taught me to see the beauty of creation.
493.  Fixing cars with the smell of burnt hair.
494.  Learning to enjoy the unique.
495.  I loves yous written in soap.
496.  You taught me to enjoy the simple.
497.  Waking to say hello as you passed my room for bed.
498.  Teaching me to follow my dreams.
499.  Teaching me to fight for what I value.
500.  Many foot rubs.
501.  Learning the importance of hard work.
502.  Loving me for me.
503.  Late night talks.
505.  Understanding each persons values are important.
507.  Pizza money.
508.  Stopping by work just to say hello.
509.  Learning the foolishness of holding a grudge and not talking to each other for long periods at a time.
510.  Strawberry picking.
511.  Taking me hunting even though I couldn't sit still.
512.  Laughing together.
513.  Appreciating food together.
514.  Learning to make beef jerky.
515.  Talking with you as you drive home from work and I lived across the ocean.
516.  Roses on my birthday.
517.  Weekly letters.
518.  Leaves from Maine.
519.  Steak and lots of it.
520.  Loving my three men.
521.  Fishing with my littles-more like feeding worms to the fish.
522.  Baking with the boys & forgetting the raisins.
523.  Wild towers built and destroyed with my little
524.  Uh-oh deer.
525.  Loving me as if I'm your own blood.
526.  Ice cream topped with Bailey's Irish Cream.
618.  Ponytails in Dad's hair.
619.  Acronyms of love from Dad.

And we know that God causes all things to work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to His purpose.

~ Romans 8:28



I love you!

A Walk

After lunch, our last day at camp, my small man of the woods asked me to walk back to the lodge with him rather then ride in the van.  I agreed.  It was one of the best walks of my life.  At first we started down the road, the fastest way to our goal.  I was enjoying my conversation with my three year old so much I didn't want it to end so we took a side trail.

Isn't it beautiful?!  Isn't he amazing?  I can hardly believe how grown up he is. We talked of nature, our weekend, about how much fun little brother would have if he were with us.  We looked at spiders, avoided the mud, even though Mommy had no problem walking through it, and simply enjoyed each other.  Time froze for us or at least that's how it felt to us both.

Looking back over these photos I see so much.  I see a small child who has a long journey ahead of him.  I pray that he runs the race well.  I pray that I am an example worthy of following.

I hope that when the bumps come, as we all know they will, that he is able to take them in stride with joy.

Just like he did on our walk.

I pray he's able to always see that there is a path to take no matter how narrow it may be.

Most of all I pray that this is where he finds his life's directions.

Like an eagle that stirs up its nest, that hovers over its young, he spread His wings and caught them, He carried them on His pinions.  The LORD alone guided him

~ Deuteronomy 32:11-12a



409.  Being asked to walk from lunch by my 3 year old.

410.  Walking through the woods and playing on rocks with my little man of the woods.

411.  Taking fun pictures.

440.  Nature.

441.  Life teaches.

443.  Seeing God's "bigness" through some photos.

444.  Being reminded of how to pray from my children men.

A Closing

Or in this case Charlie's quiz as it's been dubbed since he's put it on for the past nine years.  Officially it's called Maine Bible quiz retreat.  It's a very special time of year for anybody who's ever been apart of the Bible quizzing family.  It's a time of fun, fellowship, reflection, quizzing, and the Word.

It's a little more special to my strong man and I then most.  This is were we first met.  Five years ago I met this man who loves swords, and Scripture.

If you ever spend any time with quizzers then you'll notice straight away that they are unique.  They tick in a different way then most of the world.  This is what makes them so special.

This year I was able to be a mother, coach, and quizzer! 

This was the first time my son of laughter can remember being in the woods and he adored it.  Both him and my oldest loved the lake, rocks, bugs, sticks and of course the dirt. 

They didn't mind all the attention they received from the teens either.  It's funny how much they pick up.  At one point my oldest dropped something on the floor with a gasp.  Then picked it up and started to walk off.  After two steps he turned and said, "I meant to do that."

We involved the boys as much as possible.  Our goal is for them to thirst for Jesus. 

As coach I led devotions each morning.  My main focus was praying with my teen sisters and spending my last quiz weekend just getting to know them deeper.

It became final in my mind that my oldest isn't afraid of large groups of people and loves to be on stage.  He sang, He's still working on me, in the talent show.  Helped his missionary Auntie lead worship.  Sat with his Daddy who was teaching the Word.

This was a bitter sweet weekend for the two of us.  We will no longer be involved in Bible quizzing, at least for a time.  As much as we love the teens, the Word and the memorization of it, we feel it's time for us to close this chapter as God has asked us to move into another one.  All that we are given is a gift.  We need to hold each gift with an open hand.

There is an appointed time for everything.  And there is a time for every event under heaven.

~ Ecclesiastes 3:1

343.  Two boys sleeping well in a new place.

344.  Warm misty day.

345.  Quizzing with my teens.

346.  Score keeping for Char.

347.  Heart talks with missionary sister.

353.  Staying up really late with my boys and then talking and singing at bed time.

354.  Sharing a room for a few nights with my boys.

364.  Sitting & listening to my husband teach the Word.

387.  Good morning hugs from my "daughter" quizzers.

388.  Praying with my teen sisters.

393.  Hearing what God has done in teens lives.

401.  Birds singing.

404.  Joy little boys get from watching bugs and spiders.

Noah's ark

We were at the park when the trees began to dance in the wind, as we say around here.  Then the sky became gray followed by rumblings of thunder.  We made it home just long enough to make it inside without getting wet.  As soon as the windows were shut we pushed the trunk in front of the window and watched the rain come in sheets and the lightening flash between crashes of thunder.  As any other time of cuddling I was asked to tell a story.  What is more appropriate then Noah's ark.  The story became real to my little men as they listened and watched through the window. 

The heavens are telling of the glory of God; and their expanse is declaring the work of his hands.

~ Psalm 19:1

426.  Spontaneous play dates at the park.
427.  Making it home just before the thunderstorm.
428.  Using the storm to make the story of Noah come to life.
429.  Watching it rain through the window.
430.  God protecting my garden by not allowing it to hail on my street.