What does more medication mean?

What does more medication mean?

...Becoming "normal".

OR

...Becoming more of a zombie.

Who decides what normal is? 
~~~
What does more medication mean?

...Being able to make choices based on facts and good judgement.

OR

...Being less able to hear the Holy Spirit speak into my heart.

Funny I spent months begging God to show Himself to me unable to feel anything but suffering.  Now, I realize that while I couldn't feel God He was closer then I have ever known Him to be before.  He was my only Hope.  While I still say and believe that He is my Hope, I forget so quickly.
~~~
What does more medication mean?

...Being able to function better.

OR

...Losing the creativity of my mind in all things.

When one knows tormenting extremes of the mind they are forced to find ways of expressing even just a piece of it in order to keep what little sanity they have left.  Losing that way of expression is as if a limb has been ripped off.
~~~
What does more medication mean?

...Being able to sleep normal amounts.

OR

...Letting go of the ability to surpass expectation.

Some of the most famous artist and even some of our presidents are thought to have suffered from the same illness I suffer.  They have become great.  While I can claim no such thing, I have surpassed limitations that are assumed of one so young--At the age of 20 creating, and organizing a sub department.  Not only creating it in a way that worked for myself, but still works years later, inspiring other departments to use the same system.

~~~

 

What does more medication mean? 

All of the above.

Sometimes being shaped means letting go.

 

The gift of a mind that thinks like no other is cursed with instability; to some insanity.  I have been stable for 10 months, able once again to cook, play, feel pleasure, clean, handle the unknowns of the world, sit with friends and not feel as though I am sucking the life out of them.  I am able to do what normal people do.  I am no longer looking over the edge into insanity.

All things--a gift.

Still as I take those pills, now increased by half, I wonder if I'm throwing a gift away.  I wonder each morning as one small tablet slides down my throat if Jesus hurts because a gift He made just for me isn't being used to it's fullest...When I stand with Him one day and ask why this gift, why me, I wonder what His response will be.

This battle, the battle with my pills is not a question of sin, it is a question of what is good and what is great.  I look forward to understanding.

 

The king answered Daniel and said, "Surely your God is a God of gods and a Lord of kings and revealer of mysteries, since you have been able to reveal this mystery."

~ Daniel 2:47

~ Rest, something I hardly known in months as my mind has begun racing.
~ A doctor who doesn't try to suck my soul from me with pills, but slowly only when there seems to be no other way increases my intake.
~ A husband who understands.
~ An all knowing God who has and knows the purpose of my manic-depression.
~ Work that keeps the Darkness at bay.