Monday, May 23, 2016

To be whole again

December 28, 2015 changed the course of our life.  Really it started 10 days earlier when you got a call on an application you put out.  A thing that was completely unexpected.  A few interviews and a major snow storm later and you had yourself a whole new career if you wanted it...New Year's Eve I sat at table A1 with my boss across from me the crew beginning the prep for the sales to come.  I gave her the news.  I cried.

As you and I said our goodbyes to jobs we deeply cared for we also said hello to the unknown and adventure that laid ahead of us.  You and I, we don't do normal very well.  We have always been go big or go home.  Here we were knowing that you were about to leave for 11 weeks and there were chances that this job wouldn't work out.  In fact for some of your classmates it didn't.

Who needs a bowl for watermelon chunks...

February 4 the boys and I dropped you at the airport.  Sweet tender Man of the Woods sobbed...Looking back, I'm glad we did it.  I think it's safe to say that all four of us hold a higher value for each other then we did before this journey began.

...Cup holders work just as well.

Now that you are back together life has found it's balance.

We have time to simply be together, no longer rushing through life as we pass off the children to each other.

You and I have gone to bed together for the last 10 years, but now we fall into our bed at a normal hour.

We do chores together, and teach our boys to do them too.

We eat dinner together every single night.

My first fish of the year.

We walk the driveway together hand in hand just because.

After finding worms, dead or alive, in both big and small boy pockets when doing the wash I swore to myself I would never put worms in my pocket on a fishing trip no matter what.  This weekend I found myself eating my words.

We sit in the sun together watching our boys play.

Three generations hiking out of the woods.

Together we slow and see the joy around us.

It is good to be us.

Tuesday, May 10, 2016


I don't think it would be an exaggeration to say that I threw up a thousand times while you were growing in my belly.  I was sick for eight in a half months, that's 255 long days.  I quickly learned where every public bathroom was in the entire city of Bangor.  I always had a gallon sized zip lock baggy in my purse next to a granola bar, and gum.  I have heard it said that Momma's forget all of the unpleasantness of pregnancy the moment they first hold there baby.  Well I disagree.  I was sick for 36 out of the first 38 weeks that your tiny heart beat and sweet boy I don't want to forget any of those moments.  Every time I knelt in front of the toilet I rested in all those moments we would have together in the future.

Baby you!

From the many brothers I had in my life I knew for certain that balls, bugs, Legos, fishing, rocks, nerf guns, and forts would be in my future.  I knew that noise, dirt, broken bones, and inexpiable smells would become apart of my daily life.  While it was reassuring to know what to expect from a boy, I had no idea what to expect from you.  So every time I rushed to the bathroom I whispered a sweet thank you Lord, and then I wondered about what you would be like.  It was our time together, a time I will always cherish.


Then after you were born it was as if my constant stomach upset was transferred to  you.  For eight months you cried and threw up.  For six months we had no idea why.  I was sure that it was more then colic.  While I'm sorry you spent so long in pain from the milk your little body couldn't digest, I wouldn't change our time together.  We rocked and sometimes cried together I breathed long prayers about you and for you.  I dreamed of who you would one day become, what kind of personality you would have.

Almost two

Your first word was ball.
When you were six you broke your arm.
To say that you enjoy playing with Lego's would be a huge understatement.
You have always loved to fish and hike.
You climb any tree you can no matter where you are.

Three (I think)

In so many ways you are exactly who I imagined, but that's just the big picture of you.  Si guy, you are so much more then I could have ever imagined.


You notice the details of peoples hearts.  I had no idea that was even possible, but some how you can see into hearts.

Five (First day of kindergarten)

School is hard for you, but words are not.  You speak in such a way that people notice you.  You speak with confidence and respect.  Not only do you have a way with words, you use them to encourage others and articulate what you see to be honorable and true even if it makes situations more difficult for yourself.


My prayer for you this year is this:  May God grow you and protect you from becoming dull to the hearts of those around you.  May you always use your words to build people up and to protect them.  Lastly I hope that you learn to show yourself grace, to accept that you don't have to be perfect, because dear Man of the woods thankfully we will never be asked to be perfect, but only to do the best we can.


I love that you birthed me into Motherhood, an event that happens every single day of your life.  I love you more then you will ever be able to imagine.


Here's an interview with your eight year old self:
What's your favorite color? Green
What's something that is very special to you? Mom
What's your favorite word or saying? Fair point....Dude....So awesome... Kinda cool.

What's your favorite thing to do? That's tough.  I think it's Nerf wars.  Actually no it's hanging out with my family.
Who is your favorite super hero? Why is there this question....hmm...I don't know...Oh! Super Dadda!...(Laughing to yourself)...I just made one up because Dad is super.
What is your favorite memory of this past year?  Talking with Opal.  We talked for two hours straight!
What do you want to be when you grow up? A marine biologist.

Happy birthday!