Writing with a hijacked mind

I've hardly posted since Thanks giving, only of the big things, birthdays, holidays stuff like that.  It's not because good exciting things worth remembering hasn't happened.  It's quiet the opposite.  We have had Epic family adventures...

Started out neat, but it didn't take long...

 

...to look like this.

 

 

Messages from my love.

 

 

Time with Aunties from out of state...

 

 

A new job with many great stories and lessons learned....

Seeing the sun rise with friends from our wedding as we use our imagination like children playing our own pretend games...

No, it's not that I haven't had cause to write.

I should have seen the signs as I packed for Hungary, instead I convinced myself it was anticipation.  "Anticipation" became hours of sheep counting never finding the third sheep as thoughts flooded in like Spring's raging rivers.  My mind had begun the journey to mania.  Being hijacked it would start a project long enough to think of another to begin just long enough to find a third.  At some point my mind would run back to the first picking up where it left off for what seemed like a few short minutes.  So it was with writing.  My fingers would fly across the keyboard putting down some of the most insightful words I have ever written, words that were meant to be remembered.  But as I went back, reading through the final product I realized those divinely written words where no more then gibberish, a thought never followed through, all of it meaningless.

Here I am writing once again, knowing even though the increased pills have caged the darkness it will be back to taunt me.

Or let him rely on My protection, let him make peace with Me, let him make peace with Me.

~ Isaiah 27:5

A short battle and a victory.

July has been one heck of a month.  As I woke beginning to prepare myself for church I realized I would soon come crashing down.  The darkness that I now know intimately, but have not seen in months, once again began invading my mind, my soul.  I did all I could to keep from crawling back into bed, a desperate fight to go worship my Maker with others.  By the time I walked out through the church doors trying to move onto the next thing, I fought tears doing my best to not to succumb to the suffocating black cloud.  Strong man knowing my unspoken thoughts quickly agreed an afternoon of rest and quiet was needed.  He took the family out for the afternoon leaving me to the Creator.  It was good, so good.  In fact as Monday morning dawned the darkness that fought for my mind just a few hours earlier had completely dissipated. 

Why are you in despair, O my soul?  And why have you become disturbed within me?  Hope in God for I shall again praise Him for the help of His presence.

~ Psalm 42:5

2432.  A gift of knowing my mind enough to see the beginning of a fall.-Something I was told was impossible for one with my sickness.
2433.  A husband who is keenly in tune to my needs.
2434.  A God who tells us to rest.
2435.  A healing mind.

Warning signs or the start of a fall?

About a week ago sleep began to evade me.  I increased my sleeping meds, but still sleep is hard to find.  Next I noticed that I could only handle so much of my family in one day.  I'm finding I need more time alone in order to keep on keepin' on.  I'm working hard to find my rest during nap time, to find a balance.  Lastly as I pass by cars while I'm driving I've begun again to imagine that the car might hit ours and what would happen if I lost my family and such things.  I don't go looking for these thoughts and I don't dwell on them, but they come before the darkness begins. 

I'm learning these are signs of change.  I'm not sure yet if they are simply a warning or the start of a great fall.  Time will tell.  Most of all I'm learning. 

Praise the LORD!  Oh give thanks to the LORD, for He is good; for His lovingkindness is everlasting.

~ Psalm 106:1

2149.  The Psalms

Lie #4

I know some these sound wild, but they still come and I fight them...

Because I am technically insane some one will declare me unfit to mother and take my children from me.

Even though I have been diagnosed with Bi-polar 1 I have never been hospitalized.  And while I fight the battle in my head, I have not hallucinated things before. 

I know many people who have become even more extreme then I have and still love there children through adulthood.  There is no logical basis to my fear of losing my boys, but it's still there in my head.  When I forget they are two and three and expect more then they can give.  When I am so frustrated I have to put myself in a time out so I can be in control of the situation rather then punishing in the moment of my anger or I punish them in my anger, yelling harsh words.  It's still there, running through my mind whispering, "Be careful you're destroying your children."  "The world will see what a fraud you are."  "The world can do better then you."  "Why don't you just stop caring about these boys."

What else can I do then to fall into God's grace and remember it is not only enough for me but also for the men God has given me.

My grace is sufficient for you, for power is perfected in weakness."  Most gladly, therefore, I will rather boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may dwell in me.

~ 2 Corinthians 12:9

Lie #3

I write these deceptions so that I may know the truth.  I write so that my boys, as men, may understand.  I write so that the world may know Freedom.

I would thrive without a family.

Now it is true that being a stay at home mother of two very active, very needy little men is a difficult task.  It is true that I didn't realize there was anything wrong with my mind before my family.  It is true that I was quite successful in my profession before becoming a wife and mother.  It is true now that I understand my sickness I can see all the ways my mind and body instinctively knew how to cure or balance out emotions.

However now more then ever I need my family, all THREE of them.  As research has proved eventually I would have been over taken by this sickness, Bi-polar, with or without my family.  It could have happened by a simple antibiotic or any random menstrual cycle.  Just because it happened while I was pregnant with Laughter (which is why he's named that) doesn't mean anything. 

In fact what it does mean is that I have a reason and a cause to get out of bed everyday.  Each day I see that I have a purpose, two actually.  I have never hit the point of suicidal thoughts, and in big part that's because I have the task of mothering two boys that bring me joy.  They were hand picked by the Maker Himself just for me and Strong man.

Strong man.  His name fits him well.  He's my hero.  Not only does he rescue me on my bad days, I have a best friend who knows me better then I know myself often times.  If it wasn't for his nudging and perspective I may have never gone to the doctor in the first place.  As I'm not sure the medication is really helping we're at least able to study this sickness and plan our strategy to fight it.

The bottom line is that I need this family of mine and they need me.  The lie is just that a lie.

What therefore God has joined together let no man separate.

~ Matthew 10:9

1802.  Hard conversations with Strong man.
1803.  Tears of love.
1804.  Children to teach me.

Lie #2

Since I fail to live up to my expectations of motherhood I am a terrible mother.  Even more so when I fail to meet others expectations of me as far as motherhood goes I am a terrible mother.

I know the bottom line is that my life as a Mommy is between my husband, God and I.  It's still there this competition to be the worlds best mother.  It's almost pushed on me by some and it's hard to fight.

In any other aspect of life it is easy for me to only focus on what I have been asked to do.  It's easy to live life the way God has called me.  If I can do this in every other part of my life then why do day and night fight this battle?

Therefore, since we have so great a cloud of witnesses surrounding us, let us also lay aside every encumbrance and the sin which so easily entangles us, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us, fixing our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of faith, who for the joy set before Him endured the cross,despising the shame, and has sat down at the right hand of the throne of God.

~ Hebrews 12:1-2

Lie #1

It was suggested to me a while back that I record the lies, that I put them out in the open so it isn't just my mind that's fighting them so my eyes can see the foolishness of these lies as they sit on paper next to sacred truths.

It's there in my head day and night I fight the war with this sickness.  It's not just my Joy it's trying to steel from me it's my entire life. 

#1. Since I'm an emotional basket case my family is better off without me.

I know some agree that actually this lie is the honest truth, that somebody who can't control there emotions shouldn't be a mother and certainly isn't a very "supportive" wife.  Daily I'm reminded of my MANY failurers.  Each day I am unable to live up to my own expectations let alone somebody else's.  Some days I hardly have it in me to hold out and not give into this lie that I hear all around.  This is the MOST difficult to fight of all the lies thus far.


Here are some honest truths:

1.  Marriage is scared.  In Genesis I am told that the two people become on flesh.  In my own words,  "There is no way to separate a marriage; we will forever belong to each other."

2.  God created the family unit, even if the family is as big as an entire nation as Israel is.  They live life together.  They live it through the good and the bad.  The suffer with each other and the sing songs of joy together.  Over and over we see this in the Old Testament. 

3.  The Bible says that children are a gift.  Over and over we're see children as blessings.  Each child hand picked by the all knowing God who can't be limited by time.  Do you hear what I'm saying?  God knew I would be a mess two years after the birth of my first child.  God knew I'd be the messy person I am today.  He chose my hoolies just for me.  You know what else?  I am no messier now then I was then.  I'm just at a point in life that I can see my the vastness of my dirt.

God said to Moses, I AM WHO I AM; and He said, "Thus you shall say to the sons of Israel, I AM has sent me to you."

~ Exodus 3:14

Vanity

I have never dieted or even paid any attention to my weight.  Now I'm taking a medication that doesn't allow my brain to know that I'm full, therefore I'm perpetually hungry.  In just 9 short weeks I have gained 19 lbs.  I have gone from a size 4 to a size 10. 

It is really bothering me. 

True, I never paid much attention to how small I was, but there was always a small part of me that would pat myself on the back when people commented on my size.  I was always the smallest.  I humbly pointed out it was the Japenese in me.  Really could I help if I was created to be small?

Pride ALWAYS comes before a fall.  I'm learning that every bit of my life has some kind of pride in it.

I said to the LORD, "You are my Lord; I have no good besides You."

~ Psalm 16:2

1745.  The sanding off of old parts.

1746.  A new understanding of so many others.



...And it's back

That's the nature of this sickness.  One day all I see is blackness and the next life is normal.  The more I learn of it the better perspective I have of it.  This sickness with take a few years to learn it, and the rest of my life to fight it.  As time goes on the battle becomes easier.  This sickness is like my boys milk allergies.  The first 6 months Man of the woods screamed, never sleeping for more then an hour at a time.  Once the sickness was diagnosed a time of healing began.  Along with the healing came times of severe pain as we learned how to deal with the sickness.  Now it's everyday stuff with hardly any thought to the allergy.  In the near future this darkness will be the same for me too.

It's gone

Joy, I've lost it.  I walked away for three days.  I was so tired.  It vanished.  there is no war going on in my mind just aimless wandering through grey mist.  I'm ready to fight, but I just can't find any weapons to battle with.  My only hope a short verse I learned as a child.  "Thy Word is a lamp unto my feet."  It will come back.  The Word the only weapon I have to hang onto as small as it is.

Ailments

Never have I seen a challenge too big for me to conquer, that is until 365 days ago.  That morning I woke up seeing grey.  The joy I had always known having vanished.  I searched for my joy, until I couldn't stand and tears poured both day and night. 

But now I know what my taunter is.  I have guidelines in which I can fight.  I have a box that begs me to think outside of it.  This unseen sickness is just like any other.  It requires change.  More then just a common cold, a sugary of sorts.  It all starts with the preparation; the list, the notes of Grace, the support of a husband, the promises of a God begging me to see.

This ailment is a gift, a tool used for finding the Light so I might see.  It will take unbelievable mind control to overcome.  Or could it be letting go of unbelievable amounts of pride?  Yes, I think that is it.

Now a year later with a list full of Joy growing each day I still am unable to find the joy I once had. This new Joy I think is unbreakable. A Joy that runs deeper then darkness can reach.  Yes it's worth fighting for, maybe worth more then life itself.

Do not be a terror to me; You are my refuge in the day of disaster.
~ Jeremiah 17:17

1704.  Research
1705.  Holy Hope.
1706.  A worthy challenge
1707.  A heavenward focus.
1708.  Unbreakable Joy.
1709.  Support of a husband.
1710.  Unbreakable promises.

Questions

First I wanted to name this post once again, "Medication Sucks".  Then I went for Bitterness Towards Motherhood."  In the end "Questions"  I found most fitting for this here post. 

It's true I do hate the meds.  I have been on 8 different medications with side effects ranging from heart palpation's, to lack of libido, to wanting to cut myself, to clumsiness, to "morning sickness" without the joy of carrying a child, and more!  You want some?  Sounds fun, huh?

Well the more I'm on the medications the more my moods swing as they try to find a balance.  It's to be expected, so they say.  The only problem is that while I'm all over the charts crazy, I still have two little boys that expect and need a Momma to love on them.  I can hardly function some days and others I can't slow enough to let them be little boys.  My sister is seeing it first hand.  I can see it in her eyes the amazement at how different I am.  So what do I do?

I run to God and question Him?  I don't know what else to do.  I know his promises.  I know He's perfect.  I know he works all things together for the good of those who believe.  I know he won't give me more then I can take.  I know all the Sunday school answers.  But I could really give two hoots about Sunday school answers.  This isn't just my life that's moving around here and there.  It the lives of the ones I'm supposed to be responsible for.  The gifts He picked just for me.  I feel as though I'm ruining them.  Really what can I do when I don't know what to do?  I question.

He's big he can handle my hard questions.  If He couldn't he wouldn't be worth following.  So I say to Him, "God what in the world are you thinking? Are YOU the insane one here? Are You playing with my life just for fun?  What are you doing to these babies of mine?"

Here's what I've found: 

In the time of Isaiah the people were a mess.  Just living in sin.  Here's what God says to them.  "I, even I , an the one who wipes out your transgressions for My own* sake, and I will not remember your sins." (Isa. 43:25)  Or this "Woe to those who deeply hide their plans from the LORD, and whose deeds are done in a dark place, and they say, 'Who sees us?'  or 'Who knows us?'  You turn things around!  Shall the potter be considered as equal with the clay, that what is made would say to its maker, 'He did not make me'; Or what is formed say to him who formed it, 'He has no understanding'? (Isa. 43:25, Paul also talks about this in Romans.) 

1. He is my glorious Maker. I am the created.
These seem to go along with John 21:22, "Jesus said to him, 'If I want him to remain until I come, what is that to you?  You follow Me!'"

2. It doesn't matter what He's called my hoolies to be here on earth. I am to follow Him.
How about Romans 12:1 "Therefore I urge you , brethren, by the mercies of God, to present your bodies a living and holy sacrifice, acceptable to God this is your spiritual service of worship."

3. By His mercy I have the opportunity to sacrifice my body which includes my mind (therefore all my dreams and expectations) to Him.
Romans 8:16 & 17 says that "The Spirit Himself testifies with our spirit that we are children of God, and if children, heirs also, heirs of God and fellow heirs with Christ, if indeed we suffer with Him so that we may also be glorified with Him.

4. I am loved enough to be considered an heiress with Christ.

Therefore:
IT IS GOOD!! 

I can say to Him as I enter the new day, BRING IT ON and I will hold tight to You.

Lord help me to hold tight to You, only by Your saving grace.

1572.  Quiet time in the wee hours of the morning.
1573.  Able to take a 30 minute break.
1574.  No outburst from me.
1575.  Dealt with the boys with goals in mind rather then simply reaction.
1576.  Craft day.
1577.  Laying with my feet in Strong man's lap.
1578.  Long cuddles with Man of the woods initiated by him.
1580.  Sunset 100 in something.
1581.  Cake batter.
1582.  Chocolate cake.
1583.  Lemon water.
1584.  Coffee on a sleepy long day.
*All italics are mine

Wednesday 11, 2012

Today was a big day for me, a day of conquering. 

Today I woke with my boys rather then attempting a little more sleep for all of us, it always fails so today I rose.

Today I declared it a pajama day.  We all dressed in fresh new jamies and began our day.  I even showered early this morning.  Today I showered the boys "all by my own."

Today I said snacks for breakfast, but I didn't yell or scream for them to be quiet while I worked to get breakfast ready.  They were quite satisfied with crackers, bananas, and cupcakes before the sun woke.

Today I snuggled in close with the hoolies as we watched way too much TV.

Today I knew when I needed a break and let them continue on the movie marathon without me.  What Momma doesn't need a breather in each day.

Today I spent hours in the Bible with my helper friend.  It was goooood.

Today I conquered without retreat because of frustration, anger or tears. 

 Today was the first of many days to come.

Help us, O God of our salvation, for the glory of Your name; and deliver us and forgive our sins for Your name's sake...So we Your people and the sheep of Your pasture will give thanks to You forever; to all generations we will tell of Your praise.

~ Psalm 78:9 & 13

1520.  Able to get out of bed straight away to be with the boys.

1521.  A breakfast of crackers, bananas, and cupcakes.

1522.  Clean pj's on a pajama day.

1523.  Boys happily playing together with big imaginations.

1524.  All three of us showered before lunch.

1525.  Hours in the Word.

1526.Supper made with just me and the boys here.

1527.  Some easy "to do's" marked off the list.

Be still, in practice...

This winter is a winter without snow.

Many days we're all cozy inside.

Just waiting.

Waiting for the the whiteness to come.

Until then, I say thank You for the sunsets.

1153.  Thank You for the cozy inside.

1154.  Hot soup & fresh bread.

1155.  Surprise visits from our dear friends on the hill.

1456.  Hot showers.

1457.  Comfy pjs.

1458.  Icecream.

1459.  Kingdom conversation with the hubster.

And He got up and rebuked the wind and said to the sea, "Hush, be still."  And the wind died down and it became perfectly calm.

~ Mark 4:39

Isaiah 12

Then you will say on the that day, "I will give thanks to You, O LORD; For although You were angry with me, Your anger is turned away, and you comfort me.

Behold, God is my salvation, I will trust and not be afraid; For the LORD GOD is my strength and song, and He has become my salvation."

Therefore you will joyously draw water from the springs of salvation.

And in that day you will say, "Give thanks to the LORD, call on His name.  Make known His deeds among the peoples; Make them remember that His name is exalted."

Praise the LORD in song, for He has done excellent things; let this be known throughout the earth.

Cry aloud and shout for joy, O inhabitants of Zion, for great in your midst is the Holy One of Israel.

1424.  A God who forgives.

1425. A saving Grace.

 1426. Pulled out of my comfort zone, put in a place that will make me or break me.

1427. By God's Grace He's making me!!!

Home alone tonight.

The house has been quiet for hours now.  The three men went to town to play games and eat out.  I'd say a great man date.  They begged for me to come along too, but today it would have ended with hurt hearts. 

As I change medications my mind jumps from one emotion to the next so simple things drive me to fiery anger.  For example:  I've spent many days in bed this week so when I came out of my room sweet Laughter was overjoyed to see me. He reached out to pat my leg as he said with much glee, "Oh Momma! You here!" I tried hard but still in harsh tones I told him not to touch me as I walked past him out of the room.  In the moment it was the nicest thing I could have done for him...Pretty ugly huh?

I don't know how to see this coming or how to stop myself from these harsh words.  For now until the medications kick in I'm staying at a distancing hoping and praying the Lord will allowing them to forget.

These are the times were I'm constantly reminding myself that this hidden sickness that I have isn't just for me to learn and grow from, but for my men too.  My marriage is sacred.  My Boys gifts from the Almighty.  This sickness too a gift for all of us.

In all their affliction He was afflicted, and the angel of His presence saved them; In His love and in His mercy He redeemed them, and He lifted them and carried them all the days of old.

~ Isaiah 63:9

1399.  Still wanted after all my harsh words.

1400.  Man dates.

1401.  Time alone with God.

1402.  Silence.

1403.  Doc to see me straight away.

1404.  Coffee with my Helper of men friend.

1405.  Encouraging words; a prospective I can't see on my own.

1406.  Bedtime cuddles.

1407.  Little boy prayers just for me.

Suffering with a hope

Do you remember the story of Elijah?  He was an amazing man of God.  He's the one that challenged the prophets of Baal to a test of who's god would hear and burn the sacrifice.  Of course the True God not only made fire consuming the entire alter, but also the dust and water surrounding it.  He then said that a heavy rain would come, even though it hadn't rained in years.  And so it happened.  He was a man of God.

And yet just after these two miracles happened he heard that Jezebel, a mere queen that didn't follow the True God, was planning to kill him within 24 hours.  So fear driven, he ran.  Out of reach of the nasty queen he begged God to take his life so it wouldn't be taken by her.

For a minute I'm going to put in some of my own thoughts here:  Could Jezebel really kill him?  Not likely he had just destroyed all of her prophets and requested heavy rain with God granting it.  3 1/2 years earlier with God's blessing he had called off all the rain and dew.  If God gave him that much power then why would he run from a mere person.  Not to mention that if you give people stuff they tend to side with the one who gave and he had just called rain back into there lives.  One more thing.  When he originally called off the rain, God told him to go and hide because he was in danger.  But this time he hid all on his own accord...

That brings me back to the topic at hand.  Him running away begging God to take his life.  Elijah was discouraged, but still has a Hope.  He of all people knew God to be the Creator, so he's begging his Hope to kill him because in his mind he's the last faithful one left, and things haven't changed a bit even with all the miracles God preformed through him, so he's thinkin' he's no better then any man that came before him; why not die?  The story goes on with God not only meeting him where he's at, the dumps, nurturing him, but also assuring him that he is not the only faithful one, but in fact there were 7,000 more like him.  It wasn't Elijah's time, he still had work to do.

This is how this all relates to me:  I am deeply depressed, my world much of the time is dark.  (I'm not begging God to kill me as Elijah was.)  I am as Elijah was, in conversation with my Maker.  As heavy and soundless this darkness is, I have a hope.  I have a Maker.  I have not forgotten Him.  My Maker, as He did with Elijah, is meeting me where I'm at, nurturing me, and encouraging me.  I still have work to do.  May God be glorified through my darkness.

At the time of the offering of the evening sacrifice, Elijah the prophet came near and said, "O LORD, the God of Abraham, Isaac and Israel, today let it be known that you are God in Israel and that I am Your servant and i have done all these thing at Your word.  Answer me, O LORD, answer me, that this people may know that You, O LORD, are God, and that You have turned their heart back again.  then the fire of the LORD fell and consumed the burnt offering and the wood and the stones and the dust, and licked up the water that was in the trench.

~ 1 Kings 18:36-38

I want my mind back, but God is still good.

I thought about titling this post "Medications suck!."  Here's why:  I'm coming off of one medication that had bad side effects while starting a new medication, and raising the dosage of another medication all at the same time.  A cocktail of fun.  Only we're past the fun part of cocktails.  I feel that I've had one too many drinks and am drunk only it doesn't wear off with sleep.  I'm dizzy all the time.  I'm dropping everything I try to hold.  It's extremely difficult to type, read or even finish a thought.  I've been in bed for two days because I can't control my obsessions and therefore I am agitated with no end in sight becoming frusterated to the point of harsh words or tears.  If I'm in bed the boys are less likely to ask for my help, approval or love.  All I know how to do is lay in bed.  I even have to work to sleep.
I may be full of prescription drugs. I may be resentful towards them, but in all honesty a year ago my mind began to fade away into darkness and the storm began to rule my life with tears.  As much as I'd like to, I can't blame the medications here, even if they aren't helping as of now.

I'm not really sure what's up and what's down.  All I am sure of is that my Creator has a plan, therefore I have a hope and for that I say thank You.

Needed rest

My three men just left for the day, the day after Thanksgiving, and the first time in months that we have three days together; we are separated. 

I'm broken.  The last time I spent more then one day with people I was a mess for over a week.  Tomorrow is our day to turn our house into a place of remember the Christ child.  I want to be well.  I want to smile because it's natural not just what I should do.  I want hug and love my boys not fight myself to get out of bed.  I want tomorrow to be a day of joy both on the inside and the out.  So today I rest.

My men are out getting Nana and Grandpa's tree.  It's something we do every year.  My strong man and his younger sister will search for what seems like hours trying to find the best tree and bicker between themselves as to why that tree isn't the right one until they both come to the point of being tired and cold ending in simply picking one.  That one will probably be the one they first saw.  They'll all go into the tiny shop to warm up with some hot cider and doughnuts.  They'll each pick out an ornament for the tree. 

This day full of tradition, is one of our favorite.  In fact this day is far more important to us then our day of opening gifts with this side of the family.  Here are some pictures from years past:

Once they all get back to Nana & Grandpa's house the tree will be set up with everybody being kicked out of the living room while the lights are put on.  Christmas music will be played all day, including a very veggie Christmas.  Again something Strong man and writer sister will squabble over; all part of the fun.  As the decorations go up at some point one of the sisters quietly drop tinsel on Grandpa.  The battle will begin...Chinese food will be eaten for dinner.  The night will be ended with a Christmas movie that even Laughter will enjoy.  It will be good. 

For me, I will rest.  It too will be good.

The LORD preserves the simple; I was brought low, and He saved me.  Return to your rest, O my soul, for the LORD has dealt bountifully with you.

~ Psalm116:6-7

1248.  Snow piles.

1249.  Trees swaying.

1250.  Clean floors.

1251.  Christ child music.

1252.  Decorations.

1253.  Tree hunting.

1254.  Memories.

1255.  Car rides

1256.  Tinsel battles

1257.  Chinese food.

1258.  Christmas movies.

1259.  Remembering our Hope.

1260.  Winter sun.

Helper of Men

See this lady:

Her name means "helper of men".  That she is.  Before we moved she lived one block from my house and stopped by unannounced often.  I loved it. 

She has held my hand this whole walk full of sadness. She lives up to her name.

She's the one that showed up early last week and sent me to bed because I was a bucket full of tears.

Today knowing the new meds are making me extremely sleepy she again popped it with everything we needed to make a milk free apple pie.  The boys loved it.  And well I always love it when she's around.

Then she made us go play in the beautiful sunshine while she was in her slippers.

I think she enjoyed the swings more then the rest of us.

Older women...teaching what is good, so that they may encourage the young women to love their husbands, to love their children, to be sensible, pure, workers at home, kind, being subject to their own husbands, so that the word of God will not be dishonored.

~ Titus 2:3-5

1240.  A gift to have a friend like her.

1241.  A lady who loves to play with my boys.