Love Does, the 100th day of school, and a grumpy Momma heart

Sweet Boys,

I think my favorite 100th day of school will forever be this year's.  Usually I plan some big epic celebration for our 100th day, but this year you guys wanted to plan it.

I think it all started with this book called Love Does for Kids, by Bob Goff that we were reading.  Dad read it first (the adult version), and then I read it, and then we read it together as a family.  Bob takes simple things and makes them big.  He takes everyday life and finds ways to show people that they are loved.  Like the time he sent flowers to the lady who hit his Jeep, or the time he dropped popsicles out of his airplane to the kids who were tired from the hike.  When I asked you if you wanted to help plan the 100th day of school you guys instantly said yes, and said you wanted to see if we could do 100 acts of kindness in a day.  And so you began planning.

First we would leave quarters in the 25 cent machines around town.
Then we would give goody bags to our local firefighters and policemen.
We would drop off balloons for our local pediatric floor, and some for the kids that visit our very own pediatrician.
We would buy a few things for our sweet baby girl that lives a few miles away.
Dad would pay tolls for the people behind him as he drove all over the state.
We would find a way to tell our favorite cashier at the grocery store we loved her.

It was going to be a glorious day.

Finally the 100th day came bringing along a snowstorm, and head colds.  So we waited.  On the 113th day of school I woke up grumpy.  My heart was not full of joy, our Happy one wasn't very happy, and you big ones were on the edge so I decided that it was now or never and we were going to change our attitudes by trying to hit our goal of 100 acts of kindness.  We went to the store and things got worse for me.  In all of your excitement for the day you were having trouble remembering your manners.  Even so things just seemed to keep getting worse for me, we brought 28 balloons out of the store as the wind blew hard tangling 28 strings together.  But you guys didn't care, because all you could think about was how excited some sick kids were going to react when they were surprised by these balloons.  As I drove you happily chatted and kept your fingers busy as they untangled all the the balloon strings.  I called the pediatric ward to make sure it would be alright for us to bring balloons up.  They said it was fine, only for us to find out as we stood in the entryway that kids under 12 (all of you) weren't allowed into the hospital because it was flu season.  In fact they almost sent us away!  But you didn't care, after standing there for 20 minutes while they tried to find somebody to get the balloons, all you could think about was the joy these kids were about to get.

When we finally pulled back into the driveway at 7:30 that night, my heart had softened.  All of us were laughing, and even though nobody gave to you that day all of our love tanks were full.  I was reminded again that sometimes the best thing to do for ourselves is to take time to love somebody else.

Then came Day number 114.  We actually didn't have enough time to drop off all of the goods the day before leaving us with a few stops the next morning.  I'm glad we ran out of time because on the next day we got to see the police museum, the Duck of Justice, and you had a tour of the Main St. Fire department given by the assistant fire chief himself, and you got to see some of the smiles on the kids faces as the nurses from our own pediatricians office gave the balloons out (because we just happened to have an appointment there ourselves).  None of this we had planned, hoped for or even thought about.  It was an amazing way to end our most Epic 100th day of school.

Boys, I hope that when you look back on your childhood that you remember that Mom and Dad did our best to love people.  My biggest goal for you as you grow into men is that you love Jesus first and that you love others second.  Thank you for teaching me as you grow.  Thank you for these amazing two days of wild adventurous fun.

A friend of Jesus says to "Pursue love..."

Bringing back Epic Family Adventures

Dear Boys,

Just shortly after we became parents we realized we needed to take time to be with you.  We realized that just living the daily life wasn't enough, but that we needed to schedule time into the daily to be in your moment, and to see the beauty in the simple.  Years ago we dubbed these days as "Epic Family Adventures".  Sometimes these adventures last for days, but more often then not they are simple turned into grand.  Often they are made up of fishing trips, walks in the city forest, or driving in the car until we find a fun looking place to eat.  I have found though at the end of the day as we're saying goodnight the best part isn't where we were going, but what we did.  For example there was that trip that we all chewed bubblegum and I tried to teach you how to blow bubbles while Daddy drove us, and some how coins ended up in Daddy's shoes.  I really have no idea where we went, but the car ride was a blast.  That is what our Epic Family Adventures are all about-just being in each other space.  2018 was a hard year for that, on any given day we were in some kind of waiting room, had sick babies, or were so tired we didn't have energy to leave the house on a free day.  In January of last year we had over 40 appointments, not including the emergency dentist visit, my job, an ER visit, or scouts.  During the summer we averaged nine appointments a week.  It was a lot, too much.  This year your Dad and I took out our calendars and scheduled in family days.  We miss our time with you and we miss our adventures.

Yesterday we had a snowstorm.  The kind of storm that everybody talks about for a full week before.  The kind where store shelves are empty, and the generator is set up just in case you lose power for a ridiculous amount of time.  Well, we did all that stuff, but then Man of the woods and I also went to the dollar store to stock up on simple household items so we could play a family game of Minute to Win it.  Sunday Morning that the snow fell while we painted and set up our score board.  Sunday afternoon as the ice hit the windows we laughed hard as we played silly games.  

There will always be another appointment or obligation in our lives.  Holidays will come and go, sometimes you will have big celebrations and sometimes they will be small.  What I really hope you get out of your childhood is how important being with people is.  I hope that when you are parents and you look back at a year full of tasks that you are able to slow and build into the ones you love the most.

2018 The year I learned to be brave

It's been a year of heavy.
It's been a year of letting go of fear.
It's been a year of loving despite the pain.
It's been a year of learning to be brave.

January - One of my foster loves thought death was the only way to stop the pain of the past.  Even though I did everything I could to protect her, I found myself with her in the ER and then sitting with  her before taking her home from Acadia.
February - She moved from our house to another family who we thought could better love her.  I sat with my big boys in a restaurant holding them close as the they grieved her move, not understanding why they couldn't say goodbye.
March - A women I deeply admired but was too afraid to pursue passed leaving me with hard lessons learned.
April - The Babe had a routine NICU evaluation done to find that he was five months behind, and needed to begin therapy.  First weekly visits while at home we worked hard, him and I, to learn to move.
May - There was talk that the Babe, who had been with us since birth and clearly thought we were his, would be moved to people he had never even met.  My heart hurt.  The morning I found out my legs couldn't hold me.  Moving back with his Mom was the goal, but to move to a stranger was something else entirely.  Two weeks of not knowing what would happen.
July - As I sat in the ER with one of my big boys who had taken a major digger in a game of tag, in that waiting room I agreed to mother a newborn girl.  I was told in six months she would share my name.  It quickly became evident that baby girl should be with the woman who birthed her and despite my desire to be her Mom I worked hard to support Mom and her baby.  Our Babe turned one, rolled over, and began crawling, therapy and daily exercises were paying off.
August - I had two sick babies, no sleep, and multiple appointments each day.  The big ones took turns snuggling them with me. Friends sent Strong man and I on a date and deep cleaned the house while we were away.  I gave up my job so I could better love on all the hearts in my house.
September - Baby girl healed, but our 1 year old only became more sick. Because he was sick I missed my brother's wedding.  We spent three days in the hospital hooked up to IV's so he could fight the sickness.  A few days later we said goodbye to our baby girl as she moved to a new home.
October - We took our three boys on a five day adventure, falling into bed exhausted with hearts full each night.  Our first break of the year.  The Babe's case changed, also changing his life forever.  I cried hard for his Momma as I remembered the pain I felt back in the spring.
December - Christmas Eve I found myself on the floor in tears as I learned a dear one I loved had passed.  After we opened gifts on Christmas morning I went, speechless, to sit with my Dad in his grief.  Now as I type, on the 363 day of the year, I sit in bed with my stomach churning, thankful for every hour that passes since I vomited last, doing everything I can to keep the germs from spreading to my loves.

It's been a heavy year.  I have experienced deep fear, and I have chosen to love through all the pain.  It has hurt, and made my soul tired.  Over and over this year I kept hearing, "You are brave."  The first time was from my Sister-friend, she can see deep into my soul in ways others cannot, sometimes she sees parts of me that I don't even see.  Honestly, her words intimidated me.  I didn't feel brave, I was simply doing what needed to be done.  It was my joy to love all the hearts, but it was hard, heavy work. Then doctors who had just met me would stop mid conversation and tell me "I was doing the work of the brave."  Coworkers, family, strangers, over and over I heard it this year: that I was brave.  Every time they said it I wanted to stop them.  I wasn't brave. I was scared. All I was doing was loving people who needed to be loved. I wish I had started doing it years ago.  When my Sister-friend gave me a necklace a few days ago with those five letters stamped into it I finally looked up the definition.  Turns out they were right, I've been learning to be brave, to step into pain despite my fears.  I can't say that this year is a year I wish to repeat, but I can say I'm sure that the only way to truly love is to fully step into the heartache of the one you are loving.

There is no fear in love, because perfect love expels fear... 

We love each other because He first loved us.

~ John, a friend of Jesus

A few joys of 2018:
~ Hearts to love-friends, family, strangers, big hearts, small hearts, far away hearts, and nearby ones.
~ An employer who patiently worked with me, and understood when I left.
~ Friends to help, to cry with, and to encourage me on.
~ Strangers who showed up and loved me.
~ A husband to hold me tight and walk life with me, my best friend, my teammate.
~ Big boys who are willing to follow our lead and love fully.
~ Old friendships renewed.
~ New friendships created.
~ Cub scouts to keep me balanced and playful.
~ A babe who is healthy and growing.
~ Therapists who know what they are talking about, who can teach me to teach him.
~ The flexibility of homeschooling.  As of right now we're a month behind, but we have loved deeply and played hard, life lessons are worth more then keeping a schedule.
~ Kisses blown, and toddler giggles - music to my ears.
~ Dance parties with my boys.
~ Game nights with friends.
~ Sleepy boy snuggles.
~ Date's with my men.
~ Friends who love on my kids while I go to appointments.

Parenthood is hard

Not even 7:30 in the morning on a Saturday we were all snuggled in on the couch watching cartoons when we heard the distinct sound of liquid, coffee, pouring onto the floor...and gate...and the back of a chair that can't be washed...and a set of drawers...ending with a little one year old gasp.  He had climbed the chair reached over the gate and pulled the coffee cup down.  I cleaned up the mess while Strong man cleaned him up.  As he was being undressed we realized he needed a diaper change, aka epic-wrestling-break-to-see-who-survives-the-match-and-let's-hope-we-don't-destroy-the-new-diaper-in-the-process-causing-us-to-go-another-round.  As the wrestling match ensued the used diaper ended up poop side down onto Strong Man's foot...Finally all messes were cleaned up so I thought it would be safe, maybe even the best choice, to have my first cup of coffee.  Little did I know that the boy who put away dishes last rushed through the process leaving my favorite mug sitting on the edge of the cabinet being held up only by the door I was about to open.  Much to my surprise when I did open said door I was assaulted by a flying mug that bounced off of me, the coffee pot, and the kitchen counter catapulting pieces of itself every which way each time it made contact.

Awesome sauce.
Life is good.
Oh Joy.
All before 7:30 am.

This is real life.  Without the hard there wouldn't be any joy.  They go hand in hand, the two.  Today, I'll choose to say yes to taking deep breaths, showing grace, finding teaching moments, and remembering that someday I won't have little hands of mischief in my house.  Today I'll write it out so that I don't forget and can keep perspective because sometimes as a Momma living in the moment is hard.

To the one I married,

14 years ago I lived on the third floor of a castle.  It wasn't a very big castle, but still it was a castle just the same.  Every morning I would look out my window to an empty lot and dream of some day having a place where people could come and rest. This place would be somewhere we could work side by side doing daily tasks.  I imagined a place, my home, because that's where my imperfections would be seen clearest and people need to know it was okay to have flaws.  Most of all I wanted a place where people could come and know they were loved... Little did I know you were on the other side of the ocean dreaming the same dream.

That's the beginning of our story, even though we wouldn't meet until two years later.  We needed those two years for that dream to become a passion.  Once we did meet it only took six months from our first hellos for us to become Mr. & Mrs.  Shortly thereafter we had housemates.  Not long after that, as my belly grew, we realized that our house was too tiny for kids and friends to live.  We had nothing, but we sold the house and waited to see what would happen.  We became the guests for a time and then the call came, "Will you take care of our house and let anyone who needs a safe place stay with you?"  In our twelve years of marriage we have had 19 long term guests.  They have stayed anywhere from two weeks to 18 months, and have come straight from the hospital as newborns to whole families.  Our washing machine is always being lent out to more then those who live here.  The chairs in my kitchen have brought rest to many heavy souls, and they have witnessed fits of laughter bounding out of the body it holds. The stove has prepared more meals then I can count for gatherings, sick or hurting friends, sometimes even strangers. We have loved them all hard.  We have lived out this dream to the fullest.

When I think back to 14 years ago I never would have guessed at the lessons I have learned or the tears I would shed over the ones I love and the joy that they would bring to me.  Dreams though are perfect they often leave out the details of reality.  When I imagined this life I thought we would do everything together.  But actually most things we do apart.  When I imagined it I didn't think about the responsibility it would add to my own children.  In reality I have sat holding them close as the pain of others pour from their eyes.  At the same time I've watched them walk up to strangers offering to help.  When I began dreaming I thought I would be the one helping others, but each soul has deeply changed my heart in ways I will forever be grateful.  I always thought people would come and go, I never thought that they all would stay in my heart and that some would actually stay forever.  This dream has been a wild and crazy ride.  A few times I wondered if it would crush us, but every time it has shown us what true love is.

Strong man, we are only 12 years married.  Back then I couldn't imagine what 12 years would look like, but now that we're here I feel like we've just barely begun.  This dream that is now our life, it excites me.  Not many get to live out their dreams, let alone do it with their best friends.  We are blessed.  We won't be in this house forever, and our kids won't always be small (I already share clothes with one of them.), someday soon we'll know what it's like to have all the hearts sleeping through the night, and this dream it'll morph again into something new.  I do know however, that where ever life takes us, you and I make a great team.  We bring balance to each other on every level, and we always fight for the other.  I look forward to continuing to show the world or a few what a little bit of love can do for a soul.  I will be forever grateful that you picked me to be your wife.  I love you, and I look forward to sneaking away together soon.  TFA

One

To my Happy one,

Today you are one.  You have changed my life and my perspective on the world.  You have taught me to love fully expecting nothing back.  The first time I laid eyes on you the room was dark and you were alone sleeping in the hospital bassinet I knew then you were amazing and I would love you fiercely.  That first day home you slept right near me, but still I'd check on you often. Over the next few weeks you and I, we learned each other.  You learned my heart beat and I learned your cries.  Together we fought to grow, and grow you did, born in the 3% to now in high 80's.  Already in just one year I'm proud of who you are and the sweet boy you are becoming.

My prayer for you this year is that you continue to grow and overcome some hard things, but most of all that you never lose your joy.  I pray that you always find the happiness that is in life even when it's hard.  That as you fall down with wobbly legs you laugh it off and as you experience new things you do it without fear.  You are beautiful and wonderfully made.  I hope the whole world can see your joy and happiness like I can.  I hope that as you grow into a man over the years you learn to use it as a tool to love others.  We have so many unknowns in our future.  Where ever the future takes us I promise you I will always love and pray for you.  You will always be one of mine.  I love you sweet boy.

I'm thankful for:
~ Your kisses and early morning caresses.
~ Your wiggle hugs.
~ The way your eyes light up when you see the big boys.
~ The way you get excited when you hear our Strong man's voice when he gets home from work.
~ The way you get excited about PJ masks, even giving them kisses when you can.
~ How happy you are to go to bed at night.
~ Your love for water.
~ How the guitar calms you.
~ Your love for Ben Rector and teddy grahams.
~ The way your eyes light up when you see babies.

Five days in

I love the idea of scrap booking, but the reality is I am a busy Momma.  Just yesterday I took four tired and hungry kids to a 5:45 pm appointment all by myself, and somehow we survived.  Anyway, I try instead to capture one moment a day to remember and every once in a while I throw in a blog post to remember a lesson learned.  Most often they are fun, sweet memories, and sometimes it's obvious that I'm frazzled because well that's real life.  Five days into being a Momma of four here's what I'm learning and remembering.  I'm remembering that me before kids used to sweep the ceilings in my house weekly.  Everything and I mean everything had it's place.  I'm remembering that I like the quiet and I have my space.

Here's what I'm learning... Again:  This morning for the third morning in a row my two babes made sure that I was up and at 'em no later then 2:30 AM.  At six as my boy was pooping and crying, it's a traumatic experience for him, Strong man stumbled into the room to see if I needed any help and asked when my day had started.  When he heard 2:30 he told me to grab a nap before he left for work.  He's good like that.  I fell into bed with a tear or two rolling down my face from exhaustion and slept deep for the next hour before he left.

Grateful for the nap and ready to start the day as he left I have since been peed on once, had my boy laughing so hard while he was eating that I ended up wearing some of his food.  Talked to caseworkers, and a GAL, played outside, and watched my boy crawl from one end of the living room to the other, began making a mental list of what needs to be baby proofed, laughed hard with my big ones, and I have showered.  Currently both babes are sleeping, and I'm surveying the damage done to the house. 

I love it.  All of it.  The messy, crazy chaos.  I have a shelf of school stuff that hasn't been put away yet.  Schools been done for almost two months.  I have a pile of laundry that hasn't been touched since last week because between becoming a new Momma of four, all the crazy foster love appointments, and that 4.5 hour trip to the ER last weekend I simply haven't had time.  The big ones have booby-trapped the back room and all by himself my new to crawling one has destroyed the living room.

Still even in all of it this is life.  Hearts are growing and learning to love.  Lives are being changed and molded to be great men and to be a healthy girl.  I will take this life over a quiet, clean organized house any day, because, my heart and their hearts, we need each other.

My turn to brag a bit

He's always bragging on me about how I mother and what a great wife I am, but really all that is because of him.  I've done the single parenting thing for three months while he was out of state for work stuff.  Even then I didn't have to work because he was far, far away working hard to support our family.  While the boys and I succeeded and have some fond memories of that time without him, there is always a shadow of sadness because he wasn't with us.

Now that we have more hearts to love there is no way I could be a good parent without him.  Every single night he gets up with the babe, feeds him, changes him and puts him back to sleep.  I can't tell you how many nights I've opened my eyes in the pitch black, breathed deep and let the sound of his song loll me back to sleep right along with the babe.  When we've had the joy of loving others he's worked hard at loving them too.

His shoulders are the ones I cry on when life seems impossible because I'm worried sick for the health and safety of our children.  He always answers the phone no matter how busy he is at work to hear the win of the day be it a babe who rolled over or a math test win.  He shares all of my joy and all of my sorrow everyday right beside me.  When I'm busy with extra appointments he uses his free time to help tidy the house so it's one less thing I have to worry about.  There have been times he's stepped in to help me with a scout project because he knows I hate public speaking or that I'd never get it done if I did it on my own.  If ever he even thinks that I need a break he makes sure that I get some time to do things that refresh me.

Together we have taken turns snuggling babies who took eight months before they'd sleep more then 45 minutes at a time.  Together we've been at the hospital watching ultra sound technicians work because the vomiting was more then a normal stomach bug or watching casts be put on broken arms from falling off swings.  Together we've taught our children how to read and write.  Together we've taught them to trust us, to respect others, and to do what's right.

This family, our boys, who I am, every part of us has been touched and shaped by who he is.  Without our Strong man we wouldn't be who we are.  He is the heart of our family and he lights the way for us.  I knew he was going to be a good father and a great husband when I agreed to be his wife, but he has surpassed all of my expectations and he has always loved any who have lived with us as if they were his own.  He is a gift and my best friend.

When life is busy

This week I have had seven appointments, taught two boys, administered 10 Standardized tests, talked Cub Scouts details with more people then I can count, worked my one shift at my paying job, and roasted marshmallows with family from near and far.  All of this of course with a happy Babe on my hip.  The week before? Well that mirrors this one.

I love what I do and I wouldn't change any of this month, but sometimes I get so caught up in schedules that I forget to see the beauty all around me, the small simple joys that make life great.  These joys that make the schedules worth it.

As I was pulling into my driveway between appointments I realized I missed the trees budding.  I missed new life, and the gift it brings with it. 

Fresh starts. 
New Hope. 
Life. 
Breath. 

In the middle of all the crazy I decided to slow and play in the dirt.  Just one planter, a tiny treat.  As my fingers turned brown my body relaxed and my eyes began to see again.

A few joys from this month:
~ Big boy turning 10.
~ Climbing trees.
~ Camping with the Scouts.
~ Getting to be the Cubmaster of 2018. It's kind of fun.

~ Watching school wrap up.
~ Dreaming of summer.
~ Making my last lesson plan of the year.
~ Watching the boys see all their hard work help them out on the standardized yearly tests.

~Belting out our favorite songs in the car.
~ Seeing the spring dandelions bloom everywhere, my favorite flower.
~ Deep heart conversations with dear sweet friends.

~ Watching big ones and little ones grow into men.
~ Cheerios everywhere, always.
~ Baby boy giggles and splashes during bath time.
~ Bonfires with family from near and far.

~ Boys that get excited about healthy snacks.
~ Coffee, everyday coffee.
~ Colored pens and my Bible.
~ The sun to warm my face.

~ Books and boys who love to read.
~ Three pairs of feet flying high on the swing set.
~ A praying husband that holds me tight.
~ Praying friends.
~ A husband who will sing overtired boys to sleep.

Simple, sweet joys that make life fun and adventurous. One of my life goals is to see each and every one.

TEN. YEARS. OLD.

To my curly haired, freckled faced Man of the woods,

Ten.  Double digits man, double digits.  Crazy how time flies.  It seems like just yesterday you were the strong willed little boy with a sweet lisp who prayed everyday for freckles.  Now you're 10.  It blows my mind.  You blow my mind.

You're everything I imagined and so much more.  My favorite is the way you love people. For example this year on your tenth birthday there is a dinner for the Cub Scout leaders.  I really don't want to go, I want to be with you.  But you keep insisting that I go.  You tell me I deserve it and that I work hard for you.  After two weeks of talking about it, I finally agreed.  The first birthday where I won't be with you from the time you wake until the time you go to bed.  The beginning of you becoming a man.  I am proud to be called your mom.

This has been a year full of change.  I think you're character has shined through.  The way you love the children that come and go from our home.  The way you grieve for them, and get excited about their wins.  The way you explain why you choose to do what's right.  The way you ask questions that go straight to the heart of the matter.  I wish you could see yourself through my eyes.  I wish I had words for you to know just how loved you are.

My prayer for you this year is that you take what you know is right and true and practice living it.  The more you do it the easier it will become.  Then you will be ready to do it even when it's not what you want to do, because sometimes that's what life requires to do what's right even when it's hard.

An interview with your ten year old self:
What's your favorite color? Blue, dark blue.

What's something that is very special to you? My bike and you guys, and the babe.
What's your favorite saying? Hey bro
What's your favorite thing to do? Bike

What's your favorite memory from this past year? Camping with my Dad.
What do you want to be when you grow up? I have no clue. Game Warden, but do I really have to decide so soon?

Thank you sweet boy for teaching me to be a Momma.  I love you more.

Maybe this is what bravery is

It was almost midnight and over the phone he said, "The work you are doing is heroic."  I quickly pushed it out of my mind as I needed to stay on topic, but later as I willed my body to relax so it could find sleep those words came drifting back into my mind.

"The work you are doing is heroic."
"You are brave."

I keep hearing these words since becoming a foster Momma.  I need to hear them, to be reminded of the big picture.  Sometimes, though I just want to stop mid conversation and whisper that I am not.  Truly I am scared and tired.  I'm fighting hard to protect my four sweet loves.  I don't feel brave, I feel lonely.  I don't feel heroic, I feel empty.

My sweet Momma friends struggle to get there kiddos to get along or eat there vegetables, but my struggles I can't even share.  My struggles are life and death.  It doesn't matter what age the child in my care is they had to lose EVERY SINGLE THING to find safety.  Yes that sounds brave and heroic, and maybe this is what bravery is, but when you're holding a crying child who misses home, or squeezing there hand promising you are not going anywhere all you want to do is just sit beside them and cry with them... And sometimes I do.

Behold, God is my helper; the Lord is the sustainer of my soul.

~ Psalm 54:4

Eight

Sweet Little Laughter,

You're eight!  This amazes me. Every year speeds by faster then the last and this year was a blur.  It started with us looking forward and then going to Japan. Then we found ourselves with another sweet baby boy to look after.  You are an amazing big brother.  Right this minute you're doing your math work, work of a third grader.

You helped Dad cut down the Christmas tree this year.

When I think about our trip to Japan a few things stand out.  The first was how well you slept on the flight that went half way across the world.  You slept with your head in my lap for almost the whole trip.  I kept stroking your hair and thinking it was crazy that I was taking my baby on a trip like this. But then we went to the zoo and a little girl fell cutting her knee open, you watched the whole thing happen, and immediately rushed over to me quickly explaining that you needed a band-aid so you could help this hurting girl.  That's when I realized that you were growing up into a man that made me proud.  You had no fear of the language barrier or that we were in a foreign country you just wanted to make sure she was had what she needed to be okay.

Resting as we walked around Tokyo.

Now we have this baby that adores you.  He is full of joy, but for you he has his own sounds and he lights up whenever you look at him.  I'm sure it's been an adjustment going from the youngest in the house to having a baby around all the time, but you've excelled at being a big brother.  The way you play with him when it would be more fun to do something else.  The way you offer to hold the baby so I can finish a chore or run to the bathroom.  Or how disappointed you were that I wouldn't let you change his diapers.  You love him and me so well.

You're heart is beautiful.  You notice what people need and you do everything you can to give it to them.  I'm proud of you for that.  My prayer for you this year is that your heart doesn't grow tired of helping others, and that you find the right things to be passionate over and let go of the less important things.-You know like that time you refused to have an ice cream with us because I said you couldn't spend $10 on a lollipop.  That was a time when maybe it would have been better to let go of your passion.- But your love for people is amazing, never let go of that.  It's a rare gift that you have I pray you use it wisely in the years to come.

First year as a Cub Scout.

Here's an interview with your eight year old self:
What is your favorite color? Red

What is something special to you? Baby K

L: Momma can I help give the baby a bath?
Me: Sure
L: Okay I'll get in with him.
Me: You can't get in with him.
L: Okay then I'll use my hair to get him wet.
(And he dunks his head before I could stop him.)

What is your favorite word or saying? But what if...

What is your favorite thing to do? Read

I'd say you're fairly comfortable at the library-shoes off with books all around while you're imagination soars.

Who is your favorite super hero? Dad

You're favorite shield was the lid to my applesauce pan.  You have been trying to find one just like it for months.

What is your favorite book or book series? The Imagination Station series

I have a billion photos that look just like this.

What is your favorite memory from this past year? Japan.  Being with Ichan

What do you want to be when you grow up? A missionary

Love always,
Mother