To the one I married,

14 years ago I lived on the third floor of a castle.  It wasn't a very big castle, but still it was a castle just the same.  Every morning I would look out my window to an empty lot and dream of some day having a place where people could come and rest. This place would be somewhere we could work side by side doing daily tasks.  I imagined a place, my home, because that's where my imperfections would be seen clearest and people need to know it was okay to have flaws.  Most of all I wanted a place where people could come and know they were loved... Little did I know you were on the other side of the ocean dreaming the same dream.

That's the beginning of our story, even though we wouldn't meet until two years later.  We needed those two years for that dream to become a passion.  Once we did meet it only took six months from our first hellos for us to become Mr. & Mrs.  Shortly thereafter we had housemates.  Not long after that, as my belly grew, we realized that our house was too tiny for kids and friends to live.  We had nothing, but we sold the house and waited to see what would happen.  We became the guests for a time and then the call came, "Will you take care of our house and let anyone who needs a safe place stay with you?"  In our twelve years of marriage we have had 19 long term guests.  They have stayed anywhere from two weeks to 18 months, and have come straight from the hospital as newborns to whole families.  Our washing machine is always being lent out to more then those who live here.  The chairs in my kitchen have brought rest to many heavy souls, and they have witnessed fits of laughter bounding out of the body it holds. The stove has prepared more meals then I can count for gatherings, sick or hurting friends, sometimes even strangers. We have loved them all hard.  We have lived out this dream to the fullest.

When I think back to 14 years ago I never would have guessed at the lessons I have learned or the tears I would shed over the ones I love and the joy that they would bring to me.  Dreams though are perfect they often leave out the details of reality.  When I imagined this life I thought we would do everything together.  But actually most things we do apart.  When I imagined it I didn't think about the responsibility it would add to my own children.  In reality I have sat holding them close as the pain of others pour from their eyes.  At the same time I've watched them walk up to strangers offering to help.  When I began dreaming I thought I would be the one helping others, but each soul has deeply changed my heart in ways I will forever be grateful.  I always thought people would come and go, I never thought that they all would stay in my heart and that some would actually stay forever.  This dream has been a wild and crazy ride.  A few times I wondered if it would crush us, but every time it has shown us what true love is.

Strong man, we are only 12 years married.  Back then I couldn't imagine what 12 years would look like, but now that we're here I feel like we've just barely begun.  This dream that is now our life, it excites me.  Not many get to live out their dreams, let alone do it with their best friends.  We are blessed.  We won't be in this house forever, and our kids won't always be small (I already share clothes with one of them.), someday soon we'll know what it's like to have all the hearts sleeping through the night, and this dream it'll morph again into something new.  I do know however, that where ever life takes us, you and I make a great team.  We bring balance to each other on every level, and we always fight for the other.  I look forward to continuing to show the world or a few what a little bit of love can do for a soul.  I will be forever grateful that you picked me to be your wife.  I love you, and I look forward to sneaking away together soon.  TFA

To my soul mate,

11 years ago today I agreed to be your bride.  It was simple, well thought out and spontaneous all at the same time.  I love our story, but this year instead of writing you about the amazing memories we have had together I wanted to simply say thank you.

10 years ago we were sitting at a local Pizza Hut staring at the wall of foster kids that needed a home.  You suggested we become foster parents.  I said no.  In fact you've mentioned it often over the years and I've always said no.  That is until last November when our sweet Man of the woods suggested that since I was a good Mom and you were a good Dad and some kids needed good parents that I let them live with us.  That conversation turned into nine months later me nesting as I waited for my first call about a child that needed a home.  Two months after that call came in I'm in love with our sweet little Baby.  He's perfect.  Watching him heal and grow into a strong infant.  Seeing his first smile and hearing him coo for the first time.  Praying over his soul and situation in the darkness of night.  I love what I do.  I feel full and complete something I haven't felt in a long time.  I think most of that goes to you.

Thank you for never letting go of that dream even though it took me 10 years to climb on board.
Thank you for loving him just like he was one of ours.
Thank you for sharing the long nights with me.
Thank you for the evenings you tell me to get out allowing me to dress like an adult and to have conversations without swaying back and forth while I make faces at the babe.
Thank you for teaching our boys to love unconditionally even though someday soon we may get a phone call saying it's time to say goodbye.
Thank you for wanting to go on new adventures with me.
Thank you for letting me cry on the phone while you work because it's just been a hard day as a mother.
Thank you for hugging me through all the emotion that comes with fostering.
Thank you for arranging date nights with me.
Thank you for working hard every single day so we have a stable life and love others.
Thank you for praying for the hearts and minds of all three of our boys.
Thank you for standing by your commitment to love me no matter what.
Thank you for asking me to marry you.

You are my best friend, my soul mate.  I love living life with you and going on crazy adventures together.  I love you more today then the day I said yes.

Our vows

This year marks our tenth year of marriage.  That day you were dressed in black and me in white as you held my hands fumbling for my ring you spoke our promise to each other with such confidence.  As I am sitting here now reading our vows and flipping through photos I am impressed by how well you live out these words.  I am humbled and honored by it. Thank you.

My vows all those years ago to you, my dear Strong Man:

Do you, Shandy, take Charlie, to be your husband?

To give your hand, your heart, and your promise that your love will always be a safe haven for him.

To give in the presence of God and these witnesses your sacred promise to be his in times of plenty and in times of want, in times of sickness and in times of health, in times of joy and in times of sorrow, in times of failure and in times of triumph.

Do you promise to love without reservation, to respect him, to care for him and to protect him, to comfort him in times of distress, to encourage him, to laugh with him, and to cry with him, to grow with him in mind and spirit, and to cherish him for all eternity?

We tied the unity braid, a symbol that our marriage was three part.  First centered on Jesus, our foundation weaving ourselves in making the braid strong, complete, a new thing.

With this ring I pledge my faith and trust.  Receive it as a symbol of our endless union and our unbroken love. 

I love you more now then I did that day.  While I meant every word of it ten years ago I am more confident in our promise to each other today.  We have walked the easy and we have walked the hard and we have conquered them both.  You are my best friend.  I look forward to the next ten years with you.  Then to the ten after that and again the ten after that.  I dream about when we celebrate our 50th together.  You'll be completely bald and my hair will have only known the color grey for the thirty years before and our hearts will beat as one, and these promises will still be as steadfast as they were in 2006.

I love you.  Thank you for asking.

Our tree

10 years since we put up our first tree together.  Ten years of memories hang from the one we have now.

Thanksgiving is my favorite holiday by far.  I love working in the kitchen and having the house smell delicious, like Gram's kitchen.  I love having family visit and cooking with them.  I love slowing down and counting all the joys in life.  However, Christmas is a close second.  The primary reason is because each ornament on the tree has a story.

On our fifth Christmas and our fifth year of marriage there was a snow storm in October that dumped three feet of snow.  We where home with two little boys for a few days going stir crazy.  So we took some flour, water, and a few other ingredients boiled them together and made our own Christmas ornaments to pass the time.  We have some wild looking ones that hang on the tree as the boys were only two and three.

This bell and a few others sat on the tables at our reception.  Every time it rang we kissed.  Now it hangs on our tree.

This one holds our engagement photo.

This one marks our first Christmas.

This was Man of the woods favorite pacifier.

Laughter was only 9 days old when he experienced his first Christmas.

This year we have the biggest tree we've ever had.  It is my favorite tree, marking another year of marriage, parenthood and sweet memories.

It's just the day he proposed, nothing too big.

The alarm will sound off at six AM and you'll get up first.  While you shower I'll lay in bed willing my eyes open and my mind to wake up.  Shortly there after I'll shuffle into the kitchen following the aroma of freshly brewed coffee.  I'll turn the oven on to make muffins (from a bag) for the boys for breakfast and then you and I will sit at the table sipping our coffee and reading out loud together.  It's our thing.  As we read our minds align setting us up to be united as the day goes on.  Sounds kind of hokey but it's true.  Reading together each morning helps us remember the world is bigger then you and I, and you are I are never alone because we're a team.  By the way that may be my favorite thing about us, that we're a team.

Around 7:15 you'll start getting your stuff together for lunch and I'll start my next, but not last, cup of coffee.  When you get in your car the boys and I will begin school, we have a nice little rhythm.  Man of the woods does his computer work; typing, reading, and math review first.  Laughter does his reading, spelling, and grammar with me.  Then they both do math.  One reviews while I teach the other.  If by chance one boy is running behind the other does chores.  When the basics are complete we'll have a quick bathroom, and snack break before nestling in for some science or history before calling it quits for the day.  We'll do lunch a few chores and then the boys will spend the afternoon playing while I putter and cook.  Then to top the day off your parents have agreed to spend the evening with the boys so you and I can have an evening off, just the two of us.  They even offered to take the kids over night.  We're going to keep it simple bringing them home to there own beds after dinner so we can have a normal day of school the next day.  None of this seems extraordinary and I think that's what makes the day exactly that: extraordinary.

Ten years ago tomorrow you asked me to be your wife and now ten years later we're still living it out and dreaming big.  In these past 3,000 plus days we've seen sickness, death, joy, we've watch our boys grow from there first little kicks in my belly, shared many laughs together, and experienced heartache.  We've watched the new day roll in as our stubborn hearts refused to sleep while we were angry with each other.  You've held me close every night as we fall asleep.  We held our breath together waiting for the results of new life, sickness, new job opportunities.  We have traveled together. We have puked together.  We have lived the mundane day in and day out of life together.  We have done whatever life handed us...together.

Now that I know you as deeply and intimately as I do now the excitement and joy we had as you slipped that pretty little diamond on my finger all those years ago is dull and dusty compared to how I feel about you now.

Thanks for asking.

9 years together

To my lover and Best friend,

The house is quiet, the fire is burning and for the first in months I am alone.  You and the boys are out of state with family.  I'm happily breathing in the silence that all introverts crave.  But even though you three are so far away the living room has become a walk down memory lane, because sometimes one simply needs to remember.

Wee hours of May 10, 2008.

Meeting our first born.

I have your box out filled with scraps of paper photos and memories of our life.  I spent time reading the story of us that you wrote and if I knew how to use our scanner would upload it to our blog.  I'm remembering our first awkward walk to the dining hall that weekend we first met and all those long emails.  I'm remembering the time I knocked the empty wine glass over because I was so nervous, the joy on our faces from our honeymoon, our first Christmas and the red dress you loved so much that you saved.  I'm looking at ultra sound photos of Man of the woods, and "drawings" tiny baby fingers made for you.  I'm reading silly cards we've given to each other.  I'm thinking of the thick and thin we've walked together, but how it's the daily life that we have marked with ink and paper, things our minds have forgotten because they are so mundane.  Strong man I love you for these past nine years together.

Sweet Laughter days old.

I would have never thought then that we would still be experiencing firsts together.  But just a few weeks ago we bought our first television.  This year we watched our first eclipse together.  Just about every week the boys introduce a first-time-in-parenting for us.

Parenthood

Last week as we celebrated our ninth year together we snuggled close still in love, still laughing together, remembering our wedding, and every year after...

The joy the boys have brought us.
The journey God has taken us on.
The hopes we still have together.

I miss you and long for you the same way I did all those years ago as I laid down each night counting down until you would lay beside me.  I love that each night you fall asleep touching me.  I crave you just as much now as I did then.  I haven't said it in a while, but let me say it now, "Thanks for asking."

9 reasons I would say, "Yes" all over again.

I had arranged for each of us to have an extra day off after our epic family vacation full of museums, sea creatures, street music, fun uncles, water parks, quiet nights, and renaissance adventures.  Not to mention some unexpected event such as middle of the night evacuations, big red fire trucks and cold sleepy boys handling the whole situation better then some of the adult guests.

It truly was an epic vacation, but the day after just happened to be the day you purposed to me nine years ago.  We always celebrate us on the day.  Some years it's laid back and others are grand nights out, but this year we had planned to go back to work.  I talked with my boss, and talked with your boss and secretly got us the day off.  And without your knowing I had even arranged for your Mom to watch our kiddos over night.  For dinner we were going to go to Longhorns, our special occasion restaurant of choice.  The next morning I thought we would go for a nice easy day hike.  A short but steep hike up to a tranquil little pond that nobody knows about.  It was going to be the amazing ending to our vacation.

Then Monday morning I woke up completely congested obviously suffering from a head cold.  It only took me me a few minutes to realize my surprise for you was foiled.  You didn't sound so great yourself either.  I knew then that our evening out would actually mean an evening in with a box of tissues between us while some chicken soup heated on the stove.  The hike I had planned for us probably wouldn't happen.  My guess was that we would find a good book and lay in bed all day reading some and sleeping some.  Or if we couldn't find any good books we would have a netflix marathon.  At least we could be sick without having to take care of the kids.  Praise the Lord for mother in laws.

 So since we're sick together I decided the next best way to share my love with would be through my writing.  Nine years ago as we sat on the couch of your brand new house you asked me to marry you.  72 days later I stood in a white dress with burgundy trim and you in your tux we promised forever to each other.  Here are nine reasons I would say yes to you again.

1.You still laugh with me.  You think nothing of it when I act ridiculously stupid.  In fact I think it may be one of the reasons you still love me.

2.  You are my best friend.  It's you that I want to tell every detail of my day with.  It's you that I can't stand to be away from for more then a day or so.  It's you that I want when life seems way to big.  I would do anything with you.

3. When we're both frustrated and feel like we're speaking different languages I still know that you are fighting for me not against me.

4.  You still hold my hand, call just because you miss me, and you still stop into work simply to say, "I love you."

5.  You're the best Daddy I know.  You teach our boys how to be men of honor.  You do this through academics, discipline, love, respect, attitude, honestly you do this with all of your being.  You live a life of purpose and a huge part of your purpose is to raise our boys to be the same.  The things you teach them, the way you live, well it has connected with them.  I think the biggest reason they are so willing to learn from you is because you're will to admit your failures to them and ask forgiveness even from them.

6.  We have walked some really dark days together and still you stay true to your promise of forever with me.

Dec 9th 2014.

7.  You pray.  Prayer is something more to you then holding hands around a table and saying thanks for our food.   You pray with the boys and you teach them to talk to God about anything.  You pray for me, our boys, our entire lives every night as we lay in bed.

2008 New year's eve all nighter.

8.  Even with all of my imperfections and flaws you still value me.

2009 New York Ren. faire.

9.  Every morning you make me coffee.  It's kind of our ritual, that I wake you up and ask you to make me coffee, you say you will and drag yourself out of bed while I take my time waking up.  (It's lop side I know but it's one of the reasons I love you.

TFA

Dearest Lover,

Sometimes I feel like our lives barely pass, but still you find ways love me.  Sometimes when we only have time to say hello as our paths cross I'm not sure I tell you that I do see the small ways you love me, so let me tell you now.

434.  Our morning routine of laying in bed all blurry eyed having the same conversation, me in my husky man voice asking if you would make me coffee, and you in your scratchy bear voice telling me you would.
435.  Our conversations on the way home from my nightly bank drop.
436.  That you both want to and are daring enough to take to boys hiking with you.
437.  And the water falls you don't go to with them just because I'm nervous.
438.  I love your coffee appointments with men that build into your spiritual life.
439.  Your hugs that swallow me up, protecting me from the weight of the world.
440.  The house work, & cooking you do for our family.
441.  Your ability to teach our boys, both in life and academically.
442.  Communicating with me even when its hard.
443.  Your love of God and dreams of more.
444.  How you always stop what you're doing to bring me a clean towel when I'm soaking wet before I realize I forgot to get one myself.
445.  Grocery shopping for all of life needs, every single week.
446.  How you always answer the phone when I call on my breaks.
447.  I love you for buying me Lego's.
448.  You always make time for Mommy and boy dates.
449.  Stopping into work unexpectedly and always understanding when I only have time to say hello.
450.  All the I love you's you've given me over the last 8 1/2 years.
451.  Each day since our wedding night telling me why I am your best friend.

I know this weekend was Father's day and that this post is a list of love you show to me, but we both know that a strong happy family starts with the love in the marriage.

TFA

PS.  Thanks for caring for my chickens.

Eight years together.

That day you asked and I said yes, it seems like a life time ago.  Seemed then like we would be old eight years from that moment.  You're mom screamed when she saw the ring, my mom lead me around the house by the hand showing off that sparkly rock.  We dreamed.

We dreamed that in five years we would be expecting our first.  We dreamed that we would be neck deep in church work.  We dreamed that we would have two sons and a daughter.  We dreamed of raising those three kids in our cute, itsy-bitsy house.  Mostly we dreamed of life together.

Nothing has gone according to those dreams.  We were expecting baby number one just nine short months after we were married.  We sold our house before the arrival of baby number two.  We never made it to having three children and we only have boys.  That line of work we dreamed of is taking on a whole new life of its own.  Mostly nothing in life has followed those dreams of ours.

If you ask me these past 8 years has blown those dreams out of the water.

Momma gets a bow! EFA 3.8

Oh yes!  And is it ever bringing back memories...

Way, way back in the day I packed my bags with three friends and headed off to a week of camp.  I was excited to learn a bit of archery, and it just so happened that this guy from Bangor just a few years older then me was to be my teacher....Now I know what you are thinking this girls heart was smitten at least for the week, alas that's not even close.  In fact it was quite the opposite he ate a hot dog off the ground covered in ants.  Who knows how long that dog had been laying there it wasn't even during a meal time, and I was disgusted.  He was however a good teacher as I placed first in archery at the end of the week.

Not even close to center, but for the first shot in YEARS I'm just glad I hit the target.

I really did enjoy that week of shooting and always thought it would be fun to do again someday, but did my best to forget the guy who ate the ant covered hot dog.  Seriously working to learn a tried and true skill, a way of life for generations is exhilarating.  I loved it and have always some where in the back of my mind wanted to really learn.

Five of my first six hit the target still not even close to the triangle.

About two months after I was married, somehow conversation brought us to childhood memories of camping and it turns out that Strong man and I had connections to the same camp.  He worked there for a year or two and I attended every year up until high school.  Immediately we both went to archery as he loves it and camp was the only place I had ever done it.  We wondered if we had crossed paths there.

One of my arrows hit the fire pit and needs a little TLC.

As we're talking the hot dog memory came flooding back.  I began to make connections--could the man I promised to love forever sealing it with a kiss be the same boy, with the same lips, who had eaten an old nasty bug covered hot dog...

Some how I've managed to survive and move past the memory of ants crawling in his mouth....

Lover teach me, but maybe now as a man you could stay away from ant covered hot dogs?  I've accepted grasshoppers, and maybe even the ants, but the left-for-who-knows-how-long-eaten-by-who-knows-who-hot-dog, now that's just a bit over the edge don't 'cha think?