A day at the river.

There is something about going down to my Grandpa's.  It's a place where I can breathe deep, and a place where time slows no matter how short the visit.  My soul always finds rest there.

The weather was perfect for a day at the river; hot, humid, a slight breeze, and not too sunny.

Gifts:
452.  The sound of the river gurgling, and trees swaying.

453.  Boy laughter as rocks skip and splash.

453.  Holding hands with my "baby boy" as we hop from rock to rock only to fall in once or twice.

454.  Amazed that my oldest is able and willing to jump into the river at seven.

455.  Good conversation.

456.  Freshly picked berries with red stained fingers and faces.

457.  Boy hands almost as big as mine.

458.  The smell of grilled food wafting through the air.
459.  Red hot dogs.
460.  Porch steps, a make shift table.

461.  The smell of freshly cut hay from across the road.
462.  Sleeping boys minutes into the car ride.
463.  Roads weaving through nature.

Dearest Lover,

Sometimes I feel like our lives barely pass, but still you find ways love me.  Sometimes when we only have time to say hello as our paths cross I'm not sure I tell you that I do see the small ways you love me, so let me tell you now.

434.  Our morning routine of laying in bed all blurry eyed having the same conversation, me in my husky man voice asking if you would make me coffee, and you in your scratchy bear voice telling me you would.
435.  Our conversations on the way home from my nightly bank drop.
436.  That you both want to and are daring enough to take to boys hiking with you.
437.  And the water falls you don't go to with them just because I'm nervous.
438.  I love your coffee appointments with men that build into your spiritual life.
439.  Your hugs that swallow me up, protecting me from the weight of the world.
440.  The house work, & cooking you do for our family.
441.  Your ability to teach our boys, both in life and academically.
442.  Communicating with me even when its hard.
443.  Your love of God and dreams of more.
444.  How you always stop what you're doing to bring me a clean towel when I'm soaking wet before I realize I forgot to get one myself.
445.  Grocery shopping for all of life needs, every single week.
446.  How you always answer the phone when I call on my breaks.
447.  I love you for buying me Lego's.
448.  You always make time for Mommy and boy dates.
449.  Stopping into work unexpectedly and always understanding when I only have time to say hello.
450.  All the I love you's you've given me over the last 8 1/2 years.
451.  Each day since our wedding night telling me why I am your best friend.

I know this weekend was Father's day and that this post is a list of love you show to me, but we both know that a strong happy family starts with the love in the marriage.

TFA

PS.  Thanks for caring for my chickens.

Summer begins

Our last day of science class.  We finished up our pond unit with lots of painting, lots of eating, and successful salamander hunt in the pouring rain.

With the beginning of summer I can't help but slow and see.  My coffee takes a little bit longer, my goodbyes before work are harder, and the joy in my heart is full.

Just starting our second week of summer break we have already been down to my home town, been to the beach, and the boys have had a sleep over at Nana's.  Little boy legs are covered in dirt, scrapes, and bruises, a sure sign summer has arrived, and every once in a while I stop to enjoy the peeping of my almost grown chicks.  Yes, my heart is full.

406.  Birds singing.
407.  Freshly cut grass and the sound of lawn mower engines.
408.  Nails pounding & chicken runs created.
409.  Wind blowing & waves lapping sandy shores.

410.  Sun shining on bare toes.
411.  Dirt covered boys.
412.  Bugs to entertain and be loved.
413.  Crickets lulling the forest to sleep.

414.  The smell of smoke on our clothes.
415.  Charred hot dogs.
420.  Large decks with chairs full & laughter echoing.
421.  Big back yards.

422.  Boys still small enough to swing with me.
423.  Swing set climbed, trees climbed, everything climbed.
424.  No broken bones as of yet.
425.  Curtains blowing in the breeze.

426.  Crisp grapes on hot days.
427.  Watermelon.
428.  A camera to capture the beauty of the moment.
429.  A God who creates for sheer pleasure.

430.  Nature working together to live.
431.  A crew I trust.
432.  A husband who loves me.
433.  Being in the here and now, slowing to see.

Here's to the kick off of a joy filled summer.

Fighting for normal.

Everyday I fight to see.  I battle my own personal demon daily, to get out of bed, to find joy, rest, love and to live on the human spectrum of normal.  After all when you are madly in love with my family, it is a battle worth fighting.

I know I have to put a little extra work into finding normalcy...
When my skin tingles 24/7 because it is fitting just a little too tightly.
When those little annoyance are all you can think about.
When so many thoughts are running through your mind that you can't start a task and complete it until you've started five others just so you don't forget to do those things.
When the idea of running is encroaching on your thoughts.

However, I become truly terrified when I realize that I simply do not care.  The moment I stop caring is the moment I cross the line from normal to insane.  We all joke about being crazy, but I have actually lived crazy and it is a place I never want to visit again.

I'll be honest I've been lazy these last few months.  Even though I forget to eat most meals my clothes fit just fine, but I am finding that my skin is a tad bit snug.

Let the battle begin with simple joys...
364.  Quiet days are work to get caught up.
365.  Husband who help me fix stuff and move shelves.
366.  Two boys that love stopping in at a work.
367.  Coworkers who bring pickle jars home to collect frog eggs in, a gift for my boys but really a gift to me.
368.  Friends to have dinner with, games to be played, and laughs to be had.
369.  Chicks that get excited to hear my voice.
370.  Little boys who adore me.
371.  Quiet nights with my thoughts.

A happy joy filled Mothers day.

341.  Waking up to whispers full of glee, "Dad can we give Mom's present to her now?"...
342.  ...And a gruff mostly asleep voice, "Sure, you can give it to her now."
343.  Lego's the perfect mothers day gift ever.
344.  7 am questions that only happen on birthdays, "Can we decorate my cake now? Can we go buy a bike?  Can we build your legos?  Can we at least go shopping so I can spend some of my birthday money?"....To be repeated every 2 minutes for the next half hour.
345.  Breakfast buffets that serve brownies as dessert.

346.  Bike shopping with our brand new seven year old.
347.  The excitement he had all afternoon.

348.  New shoes from my strong man, with Laughter running up and down the isles "helping" me pick out just the right ones...Until he tripped knocking over an entire stack of shoes, just like in the movies.

349.  Lego brick candies to make birthday cakes the best.
350.  A boy who wanted to make his cake with me.
351.  Chatting and planning and enjoy our time together.
352.  Forgetting to eat lunch because of all the taste testing of our project.

353.  Quiet afternoons in the yard.
354.  The squeak of swings flying high.
355.  The squeals of boys as they slide into the cold water.

356.  Chicks free to roam the yard for the first time.
357.  Instead following my voice as I called to them.

358.  Celebrating life as family sitting around the table singing happy birthday.
359.  Boys whispering as they fell asleep in the tent set up in there room.
360.  Foot rubs from my strong man.
361.  A long, deep sleep.

362.  Lego bouquets and gardens made just for me.

Quiet, rainy weekends

A list of joys...

325.  Warm fires.
326.  Good books.
327.  Cozy quilts.

328.  Home cooked meals.
329.  Worlds created on the living room floor sprawling into two other rooms, where blocks and imaginations dream big, run wild, and live forever.
330.  The smell of freshly made baked goods.
331.  Little boy hands that helped with the baking while I bounced from him to the dishes, and he chattered and squealed and become completely white by the time he was done.

332.  Peeping chicks.
333.  Quiet nights.
334.  Early morning coffee.
335.  Late afternoon naps.

336.  Phone conversations with friends.
337.  Board games as a family.
338.  Rain that lulls us to sleep.
339.  Chicken coops built.
340.  Boys both big and small that smell of freshly cut wood and the air of spring.

Finding balance in life

I tend to be a driven person.  I always have a check list, while it may take me a while so far I have checked most things off.  I was seven sitting in the very front row at church the first time I ever listened to a missionary speak about living overseas and teaching other people about Jesus.  At seven I decided that's what I wanted to do when I grew up. In high school while being a missionary was always in the back of my mind, it wasn't very realistic, but I did love working in restaurants so I began dreaming and planing a way to become a manager of one someday.

Turns out I got to be a missionary overseas, but that dream for running a restaurant had morphed into not only owning a restaurant but one that would be apart of my Inn.  10 years later I have found myself running a local restaurant, but still dreaming of that Inn, and a restaurant of my very own.  As always I now have an even bigger dream one that includes all of this while living a simple life.

That's where I'm at now, trying to balance a simple life with my family while managing a whole crew of amazing people and learning all that I can still hoping for a place I can one day call mine.

As spring has arrived I can't help but think ahead to this summer when life usually feels the simplest.  A time when I garden, we fish, the birds sing and swings squeek as joy flows out of the boys through laughter.

Yes, he is wearing shorts with no shirt while there is still 3 feet of snow in the yard....Spring time in Maine.

But this year is my first summer where I'll be working full time and the fight for balance will be it's most difficult.  It's already decided there will be no veggie garden, but a wild flower garden in its place. There probably won't be much canning, but there will be lots of morning coffee on the deck while the boys play and my chicks wonder through the yard.

I'm learning again that all of life is a balance, saying yes to some things saying no to others and part of the joy is finding the way.

Gifts # 315 - 324
~ A big yard to enjoy.
~ The peeping of tiny chicks.
~ The excitement they bring the boys.
~ Warm days.
~ Finding the simple joys of life.
~ Dreams coming true.
~ Sunshine.
~ Sun kissed faces.
~ Birds singing & squirrels chattering.
~ Warm breezes & fresh air.

For cold winter days.

When life is good, but the cold runs deep, through your bones and straight to your heart.
When there's been plenty of rest to be had, but your eyes still beg for more.
This is choosing to see...

281.  Little boys playing in the snow.  Watching them "swim" through the snow from the kitchen window.
282.  Snow days, when even I don't have to go to work.
283.  Driving through blizzards just Man of the woods and I (shoveling snow together just to get in the store)...
284.  ...And getting stuck in a parking lot together...
285.  ...but while I clean of the windshield little mans prays for help.  We drive safely home.

286.  Power outages that last 5 days.
287.  Reading books by flash light, playing cribbage with friends.

288.  Finding summer time "treasures" hidden away.

289.  The rest a crackling fire brings, and the peace of falling snow.

290.  Family game night while sipping hot tea.
291.  Boys who have finally out grown "Memory" and find joy in games that are a bit more challenging.
292.  Friends over for game nights, full of laughter.

293.  A warm house to live in, a gift we have not forgotten.
294. Reliable cars to drive.

295.  The ideas that come to life when cooped up inside for weeks at a time.

You can't see the giraffe band aid, but it's up on his arm so that the tiger band aid can't eat the giraffe...There were tears and rashes when these little suckers came off...

296.  Hours spent together playing with Legos as a family.  Robots built, tree houses made, and battles had.
297.  Lunch out just to get out of the house, and a little old lady who enjoy watching us so much she paid our bill.
298.  Small boy hands held to keep warm.

299.  Slow days at work to catch up on the small stuff.
300.  Hours spent with my boss learning the fine details.
301.  Asking the same question a hundred ways and answered with lots of patience until I finally get it.
302.  My guys who pop in with a soda to help get me through the long days.
303.  A staff who value the store as much as I do to work beside.
304.  Coffee dates on the phone with housemates who live in the next town over.
305.  The quiet tick of the clock.

306.  Tuesday school with my boys before I head of to work, my only day really.
307.  The science of color.
308.  Sitting on the couch listening to them read books to me.
309.  Babies who are becoming educated boys.
310.  People who ask to babysit my boys, because they are so much fun to be with.
311.  A hubby who teaches them to be good men.
312.  The golden tree tops as the set sun crowns them with its glory.
314.  Full moon traveling home with me.

Christmas loves

270.  A long car ride in the wee morning hours while the fog seems to swallow my car and the music plays.  There I had quiet moments where I could reflect and process this past month of crazy.  My conclusions, those three men of mine are my three true loves in this world.  If I get to ride the crazy with them then I'll take it.

272. Breakfast with my Pop and my Grandpa.
273.  Long car rides back home just me and my Grandpa.  Laughing until it hurts as I listen to how the washing machine came to be replaced.  (It had something to do with white sand that Grandpa stole being mistaken as washing soap...)

274.  The Joy of my boys knowing my Grandfather.  A man I love deeply and admire greatly.
275.  Quiet days at home just to be with my family.

276.  Two boys who were fighting over who got to be the first to give the gifts they had bought for the rest of us.  Oldest brother decided that it was okay if little brother went first.
277.  The sent of  a drying tree.

278.  Tree decorations to remember years past.
279.  Early nights, with a extra sleep.

280.  A family to share these quiet days with.