Monday, December 21, 2015


It's hard to believe that just six years ago I was great with child, Actually I was huge with child.  It's hard to believe that on the 17th my labor pains began.  I sent your Daddy off to a jr. high basket ball game we had promised to go see.  I played with your brother and soaked in our last moments of just him and I.  I folded laundry, and packed his bag to go to your Nana's house for a night or two.  Less then an hour after we arrived at the hospital and only after four pushes I was holding your little blue body.

I asked the nurse if it was normal for you to be blue, she said you'd be fine.  She didn't really pay attention.  I became more worried forgetting all that was around me as you became a deeper blue, not yet having started crying or breathing for that matter.  I asked the nurse again, and this time I could hear worry in her voice as she took you from me.  Turns out you just needed a little help clearing your throat and then your beautiful cries filled the room.  After that we were inseparable, seriously you cried when anybody else held you and you refused the bottle completely.

Mile stones:
~ You learned to whistle.
~ You started first grade, and you enjoy school.
~ You learned to swim.
~ You wake up before all of us every morning and use that time to pray.  A thing we never suggested, but something you did all on your own.

An interview with six year old you:
What is your favorite color?  Red
What is something special to you?  My Momma
What is your favorite word or saying?  I love my Momma!
What is your favorite thing to do?  Learning to whistle.

Who is your favorite super hero?  Captain America
What is your favorite memory from this year?  Going to Pittsburgh and playing with Opal in the park.
What do you want to be when you grow up?  I feel like God wants me to be a missionary all through Asia.

 My prayer for you this year, is that you love Jesus more in the years to come then you do right now.  I pray that you continue talk with Him often and that as you learn to read that you fall in love with reading your Bible.  I pray for good health and another year without ER visits.  I pray that you continue to warm the hearts of everybody you meet so that they can learn to love Jesus like you so naturally do.

An addition to this post:

None of us slept well this year the night before your birthday.  You woke up struggling for air, but didn't want to wake any of the rest of us so you just laid in your bed working hard to breathe until your brother woke up from the wheezing sounds coming from the bunk below.  Your Dad and I woke to you telling Man of the woods not to wake us and him telling you to stay put while he got us.  It was the worst asthma attack you have ever had.  I don't think any of us really slept deep the rest of the night.  In the morning you staggered into our room announcing that your birthday party should be canceled and so it was.  I took you to the doctor only to find you had pneumonia.  For the next two nights you and I slept in the guest room.  Even though I had two 12 hour days ahead of me at work, I stayed up late into the night listening to you breathe and feeling your heart beat against mine.  I worried for you while soaking in the your snuggles.  Everyday you teach me to let go a little bit more allowing you to grow into your own person a little bit more.  I am so grateful to be your Mom and to grow with you.  I love you. 

Last year your brother was sick so we had to cancel your birthday party and this year you could barely blow out your birthday candles let alone have a party.  If next year we have to cancel we will plan a huge birthday bash in the middle of the summer and make your half birthday amazing. ;)

Tuesday, December 15, 2015

9 years together

To my lover and Best friend,

The house is quiet, the fire is burning and for the first in months I am alone.  You and the boys are out of state with family.  I'm happily breathing in the silence that all introverts crave.  But even though you three are so far away the living room has become a walk down memory lane, because sometimes one simply needs to remember.

Wee hours of May 10, 2008.
Meeting our first born.

I have your box out filled with scraps of paper photos and memories of our life.  I spent time reading the story of us that you wrote and if I knew how to use our scanner would upload it to our blog.  I'm remembering our first awkward walk to the dining hall that weekend we first met and all those long emails.  I'm remembering the time I knocked the empty wine glass over because I was so nervous, the joy on our faces from our honeymoon, our first Christmas and the red dress you loved so much that you saved.  I'm looking at ultra sound photos of Man of the woods, and "drawings" tiny baby fingers made for you.  I'm reading silly cards we've given to each other.  I'm thinking of the thick and thin we've walked together, but how it's the daily life that we have marked with ink and paper, things our minds have forgotten because they are so mundane.  Strong man I love you for these past nine years together.

Sweet Laughter days old.

I would have never thought then that we would still be experiencing firsts together.  But just a few weeks ago we bought our first television.  This year we watched our first eclipse together.  Just about every week the boys introduce a first-time-in-parenting for us.


Last week as we celebrated our ninth year together we snuggled close still in love, still laughing together, remembering our wedding, and every year after...

The joy the boys have brought us.
The journey God has taken us on.
The hopes we still have together.

I miss you and long for you the same way I did all those years ago as I laid down each night counting down until you would lay beside me.  I love that each night you fall asleep touching me.  I crave you just as much now as I did then.  I haven't said it in a while, but let me say it now, "Thanks for asking."