Thursday, April 13, 2017

You started this whole journey and I kind of love it this way.

Dearest Man of the Woods,


About six months ago you walked into the living room to have a deep conversation with me.  I'm not sure why you were thinking about it, but it's been life changing for me.  It was short and you were to the point.  I wanted to share it with you because your words went straight to my heart.  Here it is:


You: Mom, there are kids that don't have parents to love them right?
Me: Yes that's true.
You: But you're a good mom and Dad is a good dad so why don't you love them?
Me: Wow I don't have a good answer.  That's a very deep thought.  I'll think about it.


You see since your brother was a little over one I have wanted a daughter.  As you know my pregnancies were hard so your Dad and I decided not to have any more children.  We had talked about adopting.  I had even done research into it, but the cost of a private adoption is more then we can afford.  I had just decided that some dreams weren't meant to be.  The only thing we hadn't looked into was adoption through the state.  Dad was open to foster care, but I had always been against it.  That is until you and I had this conversation.


Your opinion means a lot to me so when you suggested that I loved you well and should share some of that love with another child.  It made me stop and question my motives, why if I was so open to a private adoption I wouldn't be open to an adoption through the state.  After a few months of thinking and praying it over I decided you were right.  Now six months after you and I had this conversation I don't just think this is a good idea I'm over joyed at the idea.


Thank you for asking questions and giving me your thoughts on life.  You are a good man with a good heart.  I'm looking forward to walking this road with you where ever it takes us.  I love you my son.

Sunday, April 2, 2017

I feel in color

I never knew it until that morning I woke up to find myself surrounded by grey walls.  The wall that had the night before been a soft yellow in the morning was grey.  That was the day my search for joy began and my first realization that I was sick had begun to sink in.  Since the beginning I have taken the time to capture color. To soak it in for those days I cannot see.


I have learned that joy is the color of dandelion yellow.





Sadness is wet river rock grey.




Peace is yellow color that reflects off the lazy river water on a sunny day.



Excitement is the white of a bubbling brook.



Happiness is the garden green.



 Thankfullness is the red that signals fall.


 Grace is snow white.