Wednesday, November 21, 2012

Thanksgiving calls for a little laughing.

~ I asked Man of the woods to get dressed. He came into the kitchen trying to put a clean shirt over his dirty shirt. Was quite frustrated when I told him he couldn't keep wearing his dirty shirt just because he put a clean one on over it.

~ After Laughter dipped his chip in mayo saying that it was tasty Man of the woods decided to try it. His verdict of this food combination went like this: Holy cow! That IS good!

~ Unsure of what Laughter was asking me I turned from the stove to hear better, this is what I found: Him sitting on the bar with my baking salt and some of his toy dishes asking me for a cook book so he could make his recipe...

~ I heard a squeak that only the handle to the wood stove makes. Thinking it was very strange since Strong man was at work and I was in the kitchen I peeked in to find that Laughter had the fire gloves on and was opening the door to look inside (as oppose to just looking through the glass)...A human version of Curious George I think.

~ Man of the woods: I don't know why they call a book a book."

~ After Laughter had used the bathroom, He began following Strong man saying, "Daddy there's a problem with my butt! Help me there's a problem with my butt!"...Turned out he couldn't get his pants completely over his butt.

~ In the store shopping for a winter coat for Laughter who did not want to be there he said, "It's fine with me if I don't have a winter coat. I don't mind being cold."

~ Laughter about an antibiotic, "I don't want to take the medicine it makes my but poop!"...Directly after taking it, "Oh my butt doesn't hurt at all! It didn't make my butt poop!"

~ In the middle of the night Laughter came into our room saying, "I just don't think I can sleep anymore"

~ A little wheezy from a cold Laughter said, "my sickness sounds like a mouse."

~ As I kissed Laughter good night he said, "I'm a horned owl so I will stay up all night."

~ Laughter in the parking lot today: You don’t need to hold my hand. I will know if any cars bump into me.

~While in the car today with extreme urgency in Man of the woods voice he says, "Momma he's going
to eat it! Don't eat it!" Looking over my shoulder I saw Laughter with great delight on his face as he held his booger covered finger closer and closer to his mouth. In the end he wasn't interested in eating the booger he was interested in razzing' his big brother...

~ Nana says to Laughter who is crying, "Crying like this may work for you at home, but it doesn't work at Nana's house." Man of the woods got very serious and said, "It doesn't work at home either."

~ I went to pick up the boys from Sunday school class to find that Laughter wasn't in his room. I went Man of the woods class where I learned that Laughter was there because he ran away from his class room. When they brought him into the other classroom they shut the door, to which he said, "I know why you shut the door so I wont escape again."

~ Tonight at supper Laughter wanted one of Strong man's french fries that was covered in red pepper. The reaction went like this: Yummy, yummy, yummy, Oh no, ouchy, ouchy, ouchy.

Tuesday, November 20, 2012

The day after sickness.

We all slept in making Strong man late for work and the rest of us blurry eyed as he walked out the door.  I sat to use my therapy light as I do every morning only to be interrupted a gazillion times.  Breakfast wasn't made right for either of my boys some how between the last time I gave them a pop tart and this time they enjoy them toasted now.  I did learn that the lowest setting on the toaster still causes them to be too hot...I also have started finding things put in random places.  This is what happens when I step out of the daily cleaning for a few days.  For example where my decorative bowls go I found a cow shaped nebulizer.  Because I realize it's going to be one of those days I have only one goal for myself; try out my new vacuum cleaner, Mr. Lux.  Along with having low expectations today I also will be purposeful about remembering the joys of sickness.  We really did have a good weekend...

2722.  A dream come true to own a Lux.

2719.  I was able to work a double this past weekend.  My customers were kind to me by tipping me well.
2721.  In between shifts the boys and I sat around the table eating Pizza Hut bread sticks.

2724.  The smile hiding kitties bring.

2725.  We had movie night twice!  Strong man and I even got to sit next to each other for one movie.
2726.  In preparation for the holidays some much needed purging went on this weekend.

2728.  "Dinner" left out still warm after a long nights work...A very thoughtful Laughter.

2729.  The smell of Thanksgiving dinner is in the air...I've started the baking.
2730.  All of my computer training is done at work.

Cranberry apple pie.

2720.  Dunkies pumpkin coffee.
2731The smell of homemade cranberry sauce.

Life is good...Oh and I just had to take a break from this here post to try out Mr. Lux...All I have to say is that I am in love.  The two of us will enjoy each other for years to come...Ah yes life is good.

Saturday, November 17, 2012

A pretty tough piece of meat I'm still chewing over.

Do you wonder why this is the attitude "outsiders" take when they brush past those of us who call ourselves Christians?  I just had a conversation like this, a little more respectful, but basically this conversation.  I'm not satisfied with the answer, "Darkness hates the light."...Those who were considered the worst of people in Jesus' time where the ones who where most attracted to Him...What does that say about what we should be doing vs. what we are doing?...Food for thought...

Thursday, November 8, 2012

45 minutes of dress up. I'm betting 10 minutes of play.

We've had our first official "play" snow.  And I'm proud to say that it only took 15 minutes to get them dressed with the exception of the 30 minutes it took to get the gloves & mittens on.  Man of the woods refuses mittens as he is not able to use his fingers to pick things up, a legit complaint.  However, as he's been gifted with intelligence the fine motor skills of putting gloves on is well another story.  While Laughter's mittens wouldn't slide through his coat sleeves.  So why not put the mittens on after you ask?  Because both boys complain if the snow gets between the sleeve and the mitten.  a picky bunch I know, but to be honest I'm with them on that issue.  All toasty warm except for this one spot on each wrist, annoying if I do say so myself.  And so 45 minutes later they are heading out the door...Those hats I put on them off just about the time the door shut.
Laughter spending the first five minutes eating the snow while his dear big brother threw snow at him.  That is until he screamed at him.  Bringing me to the whole reason this Momma who loves anything snow is inside peaking out the window rather then being with them.  I'm not sure I could handle another battle of the boys so I just sit back and watch intervening only when I think it'll end there play time.  After 45 minutes of getting dressed I do not want this to end over some petty argument. besides I would be crazy to pass up these few minutes of quietness.

Onto snow angels they go and then fort building.  I silently watch them play as I remember back to my snow days as a child.  By the end of the winter we would have built and entire village taking up the whole front lawn.  Or the days we would jump off the deck railing into the snow below, that is until Mom saw us intervening afraid jumping an entire story into a few feet of snow wasn't the best idea.  Or the time I ended up getting x-rays because a sled landed on my wrist just right to causing massive amounts of pain and swelling, no broken bones though.  Or the time I tripped in the snow causing my chin to be sliced open by a jagged piece of ice to which I still have the scar to prove I had a full childhood.  And all the days I would sneak away into the woods to my favorite clearing, a swamp during the summer, snow field through the winter.  My favorite place to go to contemplate a God who could make something so wonderful as snow.  And the times...

Snow brings back some of the best memories of childhood.  I hope it will for my boys as well.  I hope they will look back feeling as though they too had a full childhood...

I lost the bet.  They lasted more then 10 minutes.  Over an hour actually. 

The dress up was worth it.

Watch yourselves, that you do not lose what we have accomplished, but that you may receive a full reward.
 2 John 1:8

2696.  Snow to play in.
2697.  Brothers working together.
2698.  Memories of childhood, imagination, and soul searching.
2699. Not having to take all of the winter clothes off 10 minutes later.
2700.  Sitting by the window watching the two amazing gifts God has given me grow into little boys.

Wednesday, November 7, 2012

It smells like snow.

An indescribable sent, but one that bring rest to my soul and the upward tilt of my lips as the sent of snow flows through my nose. 

Taken on 1/2012

I should by all means not enjoy snow.  Here in Maine the snow season is the last three months of the year and the first three months of the next.  For one with taunting manic-depression like mine the combination of snow, short days, and being locked inside should reeks havoc on my mind, bringing anything but rest to me.  And yet snow brings:

A sigh of relief. 
A knowledge that I am loved. 
An understanding of how small I am and a glimpse of how Big the Maker is.
A hope to one day be completely purified, a purification only Jesus can give.
The rest of knowing my filth and death has been wiped clean by Jesus' blood.

Ah, to sit wrapped in a blanket sipping hot tea as I watch the white flakes fall to the ground.  Resting in Grace.

"Come now let us reason together," Says the LORD, "Though your sins are as scarlet, they will be as white as snow; though they are like crimson, they will be like wool."
~ Isaiah 1:18

Tuesday, November 6, 2012

Our tree of thanks.

I fully believe that in all of life even the darkest moments lovers of Jesus have reason to say thank You.  After all the darkest moment is the moment after death when one realizes they will forever be separated from the Creator, therefore in all else there is a reason for thanks.  Since I am convicted in such ways.  I want to teach my boys that saying thank You can be a life style.  A life style that I don't simply talk about but one that I live.  Since this month naturally calls for reflecting on all that we've been given and precedes the celebration of Jesus birth this is the time I really emphasize this practice of giving thanks.  So this year we headed out into the woods and found a tree to hold each Thank you between now and Christmas.

Man of the woods was our main photographer for this adventure.

Mom you just gotta save this one!

My favorite!

Laughter took a few also.  Pretty good picture I must say. My second favorite.

He who offers a sacrifice of thanksgiving honors Me; and to him who orders his way aright I shall show the salvation of God.
~ Psalm 50:23

Monday, November 5, 2012

To feel pain means to feel hope.

I'm free of the inward pain of manic-depression these days.  I have been for quiet a while.  It has been good.  When the darkness of this sickness begins to suffocate my mind I am only allowed to feel nothing.  A feeling I imagine will be felt in Hell.  A place where even to feel hatred would be better then nothing...When I say it is good to feel pain I am not crazy just value the gift of emotions far more now then before my mind was hijacked by manic-depression.

In the last month I have felt pain in all the normal ways.  Relationships have gone from being tight and short to down right slanderous.  Friends have lost loved ones.  Family has been traumatized.  Others have started counseling.  "Christians" have hurt "Christians". While still yet others who have just begun are tired and wondering if they need a break. 

Pain everywhere.  It's too be expected.  We lived in a broken world where people hurt; they always have and they always will.  It's life.

Yet in the midst of pain I am able to feel Hope.  A Hope that can not be taken away.  While the darkness had my mind I knew Hope, but could not feel it.  Once again amidst pain I still have Hope and I have been able to list it, to remember and to say thank You.

2684.  The smell of warm bread, the final touch of making the gift of this house a home.
2685.  Watching my oldest get excited as he begins to learn academics.
2678.  Finding & getting a waitressing job just down the road.
2673.  A breakfast of pop tarts just Man of the woods and I.
2659.  A good man to stop by just to let us know we're loved.
2655.  Drinking warm coffee on the porch wrapped in a blanket with my sister friend, watching 5 boys play.
2636.  To see David Nevue in concert; A man who has had a huge ministry in my life through his music.
2686.  Strong man able to email with a man he admires in another country.
2682.  Couple from a generation before us willing to walk life with us for a ways.
2687.  Praying with friend to see God answer with a yes in less then 24 hours.
2688.  To feel pain, to feel hope.
Let us hold fast the confession of our hope, without wavering, for He who promised is faithful.
~ Hebrews 10:23

Sunday, November 4, 2012

Avoiding the stink of stagnation.

At a time I needed it my over seas Mom said to me, "I think you've come to a place where you've stopped growing.  Some people never leave this place and you need to be careful you don't become one of them." At the time I was in a spot where I had put myself in a bad situation totally dealing with it incorrectly.  At the time it crushed me.  I spent months meditating on her words.  I found she was terrifyingly right, I had begun to become a stagnant pond growing scum.  I was becoming one of those people who stop growing.

A pond full of life.

Since that time her words have pushed me to evaluate and reevaluate my growth.  All of life is about knowing and loving the Creator.  Since there is no end to Him there is no end to what can be learned about Him.  I've learned from evaluating my life, such as the time she told me this truth, I can too easily come to a place where I begin to grow scum just like a stagnant pond does.  Who enjoys spending time around a smelly pound?  I'll tell you only the mosquitoes & other blood draining creatures.

I pray that I will not become tired of learning about my Creator.  I pray I do not become one who had begun the journey so well and then slowly become a smelly stagnant pond repelling all good life.

While praying can move mountains actions can change habits.  They go hand in hand.  Here are the actions I take to avoid the stink and blood sucking creatures.
1.  I evaluate. (Watch over your heart with all diligence, for from it flow the springs of life.  ~Proverbs 4:23)
2.  I spend time reading and practicing the Words of God each day. (For Ezra had set his heart to study the law of the LORD and to practice it...  ~Ezra 7:10)
3.  I pray that I may be taught. (Do not reject the discipline of the LORD or loathe His reproof.  For whom the LORD loves He reproves, even as a father corrects the son in whom he delights. ~Proverbs 3:11-12)

I will always be grateful for this Mom of mine who spoke life changing words of truth into my life.
Do you not know that those who run in a race all run, but only one receives the prize?  Run in such a way that you may win.
~ 1 Corinthians 9:24

2674.  My overseas Mom to speak truth to me.
2675.  A creator that always invites us to know Him more.
2676.  A guide book to living life to the fullest.
2677.  To be disciplined allowing me to grow.
2678.  The most thrilling race of all; life.

Friday, November 2, 2012

Boy, you are my son.

Man of the woods,

Just last week as Daddy was leaving for work you began screaming that your underwear was too tight, that is the clean pair we asked you to put on.  You know the one that came from the same package as the dirty one you had just taken off.  The package we bought six weeks ago so there is no chance those undies freakishly shrunk.  Yep those ones.  You screamed.  It didn't matter what we said or if we punished you (because we tried both) only you could stop the tantrum. 

Your father and I were in the next room over, I couldn't help but smile and say, "You know I did this exact same thing.  Only mine were over socks.  Why do you think I write X's on my socks?  I label them so each pair can feel the same on both feet.  You know, rather then getting an older sock matched up with a newer sock.  I screamed like this when I was his age too.  Only he can decide when and how to stop."

Child, you are mine. 

I asked God for this, for you.  I asked for a boy who would think just like me.  I was scared out of my mind to think that I would be entrusted with you.  It felt safe to ask for a son I could understand.  Even though God granted me this request the fear has not left.  I am still afraid maybe even more so because I understand that mind of yours so well. 

Each day I mature a bit more just like you.  Each day I am faced with the reality that because you and I are so much a like you are going to make some of the bad choices I made and suffer from the same weaknesses.  So I do the only thing I know to do I talk to our Maker, the one who knows you and I better then we know ourselves.  I pray for you in this way: 

I pray that God will give you more wisdom then He gave me. 
I pray that somehow He will show us how to deal with the little frustrations that at times control us. They don't have to and it's wrong for us to allow them to. 
I pray that He will bring somebody into your life for you to connect with, like He did for me with each growing season.  I pray that this person will say the same things your father and I have said but that from them you'll get it the first time.  I don't have to be the one to see the pieces fit together, although after watching you learn how to hold a pencil or write the letter A it's a pretty amazing thing to watch, but I don't have to be the one.  I simply want you to get it, to grow, to be more. 
I pray you will choose to use your gifts to the fullest and never take advantage of them. 
I pleadingly pray that this darkness that has invaded my mind will pass over you.
I pray that you may be a faster learner then this Momma of yours and may I find the best ways to love and shape you. 
Most of all may we both use that detailed focus of ours to glorify the Maker.  If we figure out how to do that then you and I will make it just fine through this crazy journey. 

I love you my sweet boy.


You made all the delicate, inner parts of my body and knit me together in my mother’s womb.  Thank you for making me so wonderfully complex!  Your workmanship is marvelous—how well I know it.  You watched me as I was being formed in utter seclusion, as I was woven together in the dark of the womb.  You saw me before I was born.  Every day of my life was recorded in your book.  Every moment was laid out before a single day had passed.
~ Psalm 139:13-16 (NLT)
I know that you can do all things, and that no purpose of yours in thwarted.
~Job 42:2 (NASB)

2669.  A God who says yes to my fear of raising a boy like me to teach me that only He can replace my fear.
2670.  A son I can sympathize with and understand.
2671.  The sparkle his eyes get and the way his lips turn up just ever so slightly when he gets a new concept such as correctly holding his pencil or writing the letter A.
2672.  That I was given the privilege of being his mother.
2673.  A breakfast of Pop-tarts just the two of us.