If only I can be like Hannah

There he was the third child I would take from the hospital.  The sweet boy was dressed in doll clothes that were way to big, using his voice for one of the first times.  The lack of rest didn't seem to bother me as I rocked this gift child to sleep over the weeks to come, changing countless diapers and as I watched as the big ones look over him in ways only brothers could.  It didn't take long to find our rhythm, my heart beat is his resting place.  Weeks passed by bringing at first smiles that quickly passed into giggles, then rolling over with glee.  He loves my voice and searches for me whenever he hears it, being soothed by it as only a mother can soothe her child.  He babbles now, playing with blocks and sitting up big and tall.  Eight months since we laid eyes on each other.  Eight months we've been mother and son...Except we're not.  He's not mine, he belongs to somebody else.  I'm just the fill in until he can be reunited with his own flesh and blood.

My heart hurts. I know it's what I signed up for.  I know it. This is the hardest work I have done.

I can't imagine anything more beautiful then a Momma being reunited with her son.  I can't imagine how her heart hurts and longs for him.  She is often on my mind as I pray her soul would find peace during this hard time.  However my heart doesn't know he wasn't birthed to me.

I wonder about Hannah of the Bible.  I know women that have prayed like her for a child, I have prayed like her for a child, but I don't know many Momma's that would give that gift baby back.  Yet I signed up to do just that.  I had no idea what I was signing up for.  Now eight months into fully, whole heatedly, unconditionally loving this boy my heart is learning what it means to be like Hannah.  For now I pray that when the day comes for me to hand this gift child back that I can be like Hannah and worship the Lord.

My heart exults in the LORD; My horn is exalted in the LORD, my mouth speaks boldly against my enemies, because I rejoice in Your salvation.  There is no one holy like the LORD, indeed, there is no one beside You, nor is there any rock like our God.

~ Hannah, mother of Samuel the prophet of God