Maybe this is what bravery is

It was almost midnight and over the phone he said, "The work you are doing is heroic."  I quickly pushed it out of my mind as I needed to stay on topic, but later as I willed my body to relax so it could find sleep those words came drifting back into my mind.

"The work you are doing is heroic."
"You are brave."

I keep hearing these words since becoming a foster Momma.  I need to hear them, to be reminded of the big picture.  Sometimes, though I just want to stop mid conversation and whisper that I am not.  Truly I am scared and tired.  I'm fighting hard to protect my four sweet loves.  I don't feel brave, I feel lonely.  I don't feel heroic, I feel empty.

My sweet Momma friends struggle to get there kiddos to get along or eat there vegetables, but my struggles I can't even share.  My struggles are life and death.  It doesn't matter what age the child in my care is they had to lose EVERY SINGLE THING to find safety.  Yes that sounds brave and heroic, and maybe this is what bravery is, but when you're holding a crying child who misses home, or squeezing there hand promising you are not going anywhere all you want to do is just sit beside them and cry with them... And sometimes I do.

Behold, God is my helper; the Lord is the sustainer of my soul.

~ Psalm 54:4