I'm compelled, I can't help it.

Boys,

You need to know some things about me.  I never imagined having kids and if I did I never imagined I would find joy in being a mother.  I never imagined that I would have a dream job and resign so I could be a stay at home mother.  I never ever imagined I would be willing to foster somebody else's children.  All these big life changing things I never imagined that now bring me unexpected fulfillment.  I do find joy in mothering and I do love being at home with you guys.  I am beyond excited to love children that need to be loved for a time.

In recent years I have gone back to the basics as I read my Bible searching for what religion means to God.  I've found that what He wants most is for us to take care of other people.  James says straight up that pure religion is to visit the orphans and widows (James 1:27).  Jesus says that feeding the hungry is just like we are taking care of him personally (Matthew 25:40).  Isaiah says if you want God to hear you then give yourself to the hungry and help the afflicted (Isaiah 58:9-10).

In the past I had gotten so caught up in the programs and the events and the people right in front of me I forgot to find the hungry and the hurting.  I didn't see the afflicted and if I did I couldn't make time for them because I already had a group of people.  But now I have time.  Now I feel the urgency to help.  I'm compelled to do this.  I'm called.

I'm old enough now to know that it's the unimaginable that brings me the most joy.  It's not the dreams I have that give me a full life it's the journey to knowing God more deeply that brings the joy.  Now as I have spent time reading and time reflecting on life I'm ready to welcome a foster baby into my arms, to love like my own for as long as she will need it.  I'm ready to take the risk of saying goodbye and giving her back to the very people she was taken from.  I'm ready to teach her what love is, that's it's unconditional. I'm ready for long nights and blurry eyed days.  I'm ready for appointments and dirty diapers.  I'm ready to feed the afflicted and visit the poor.

Boys, as you grow I hope that above all else you follow God.  I hope that you say no to your dreams and yes to His calling.  May you find joy in all the adventures you never imagined.  I beg you to say yes to what is pure and what is true.  You've got a good start with this journey of fostering.  We decided this as a family.  You are as open to the hurt as we are.

I love the men you are growing to be and I know you'll be excellent big brothers.  I'm excited to walk this road with you.

Love,
Momma