Thursday, April 21, 2011

Beginning to end

I love the book of Genesis.  It's the foundation for everything to come.  It's not just history and good stories of God's love and provision.  It goes much deeper then that, it outlines the plan God has for mankind.  It shows our epic flaws and shows His unending love and grace.  I also enjoy looking at the Good Book as a whole it amazes me that God chose to use people from all over the world, Jerusalem to Babylon to Rome.  He used farmers and kings, men of great stature and women, those who trusted Him and those who didn't even acknowledge Him to bring about His plan.  Each book follows the same outline.  I love to read the blessings and curses in Deuteronomy and watch both be fulfilled generations later.  It all sings the same song, God is faithful, God has a plan, God is in control.

Praise the Lord that in 2011 it's just as true as it was 2000 years ago when Jesus and His disciples walked the Earth.  It's easy to read scripture and say, "We live in the end times.  Be strong and courageous."  It's easy to look back 100 years and say, "Life was so much simpler then.  You didn't have to fight to have a sacred marriage, or fight to be a family.  Each man worked for his own food..."  But it's easy to forget Solomon's words, "There is nothing new under the sun."  What was then is now.

I'm praising God that I live during this time period in history.  Not too long ago I found out that I was depressed.  During my last pregnancy I was on medication to prevent morning sickness, and as a side effect I fell into a deep depression.  It was the worst place I've ever been in my life.  I recently learned that once you've been depressed you become more prone to it.  Basically your brain can just reset it's self and in doing so it can stop producing enough serotonin resulting in depression.  It's nothing I can fix on my own. It has nothing to do with my life.  Life is good, and I can say I am blessed.  A week ago I would look at life see all the blessings and good happening around me and still feel like I was being carried away in the current of life fighting for all I was worth to keep my head above water and hoping that I didn't hit a rook on the way down stream.  I would constantly scold myself for feeling this way, I saw and knew all of the good things that were happening around me and yet little by little I was enjoying life less and less.  Charlie saw the similarities to my last pregnancy and a friend also noticed my symptoms.  Both suggested I see a doctor.  There is no heart problem, nothing is wrong in life, it is not a season that I just need to get through, it is simply a chemical imbalance.

Already after a short time of being on the medicine I find myself smiling because I want to, not because I should.  I see joy in the sleepy eyes of my son.  I see the pleasure of little fingers exploring my seedlings and dumping dirt all over my living room floor.  I'm beginning to see life in list and organization as I had before.  I'm starting to see life with all it's possibilities rather then being overwhelmed by the option of chicken or beef for supper. 

Praise the Lord for modern medicine and doctors.  Praise the Lord for a husband to notice and friends who care.  Praise the Lord for knowing what He was doing when He planned out my life and when in history I would live it.  Praise the Lord for being faithful from beginning to end.

Give thanks to the Lord, for He is good; for His loving kindness is everlasting. 
~ Psalm118:1


  1. I love you wife! Nice to see inside your head via your blog. You are my best friend and as much as I sometimes wish I lived in the days of swords and armor I too look around and marvel at God's timing. Our boys, with their milk alergies would never have made it back then, that is if you survived the pregnancies. Without modern medicine you would have continued to loose weight and you didn't have any too loose, and I could have lost you. It is a marvel how God sees things as they need to be and sets them that way. Such a comfort when life occasionally seems out of control.

  2. All of those thoughts were going through my head as I wrote today, but I didn't want my entry to be too long. I love you too!