Tuesday, April 29, 2014

Dearest Gram,

Soon I will come visit you to probably say my last goodbye.  Last night was when I learned that it's time for this chapter of your life to end.  You're ready for the next to begin I know, and I'm sure you're waiting with anticipation.  But Gram, I am not ready for this.  How does one say goodbye to somebody so close to there heart?

I can hear you whispering to me that we will see each other again soon, reminding me that we are just vapors here today and gone tomorrow, famous words written by James the brother of Jesus.  Boy did he ever know the weight of that statement.  A reminder that we have no control, but the Maker of the heavens and the earth does and a promise that soon you and I will see each other again as we both have a joyful and secure future.  Even still my "today" is going to be a long one without you.

Who will I call when I find myself in the middle of cooking and suddenly don't know what to do?  Who will remind me of Truths even when I sometimes don't want to hear it?  Where can I go when I just need to be in a place of safety?

You have asked me what it is I want when you and Grandpa pass from this life into the next.  There are two things:

1.  Your table.  That old white and gray speckled thing that hasn't been in style for most of my life.  But the memories, the lessons learned at that table are things I don't want to let go.

2.  I want your wedding bands.  When I said this you waved me off telling me how little they were worth.  When I insisted you were sure I could have those as nobody else would want them.

You're rings are a symbol, a promise to each other to walk life together.  That promise overflowed into my life.  You and Grandpa have been my anchor, the only thing in life that has been steadfast, unwavering.

I knew my place and yours as a child, and in those boundaries I found peace.
In your marriage I found hope for mine.
In your love for Jesus I found Truth.
In your stubbornness I was able to shape my own strong will.
In your constant giving to others I longed to be known as you were.

Tell me how do I say goodbye to one who is so close to my heart?  The pain stabs deep.

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