Monday, November 5, 2012

To feel pain means to feel hope.

I'm free of the inward pain of manic-depression these days.  I have been for quiet a while.  It has been good.  When the darkness of this sickness begins to suffocate my mind I am only allowed to feel nothing.  A feeling I imagine will be felt in Hell.  A place where even to feel hatred would be better then nothing...When I say it is good to feel pain I am not crazy just value the gift of emotions far more now then before my mind was hijacked by manic-depression.

In the last month I have felt pain in all the normal ways.  Relationships have gone from being tight and short to down right slanderous.  Friends have lost loved ones.  Family has been traumatized.  Others have started counseling.  "Christians" have hurt "Christians". While still yet others who have just begun are tired and wondering if they need a break. 

Pain everywhere.  It's too be expected.  We lived in a broken world where people hurt; they always have and they always will.  It's life.

Yet in the midst of pain I am able to feel Hope.  A Hope that can not be taken away.  While the darkness had my mind I knew Hope, but could not feel it.  Once again amidst pain I still have Hope and I have been able to list it, to remember and to say thank You.

2684.  The smell of warm bread, the final touch of making the gift of this house a home.
2685.  Watching my oldest get excited as he begins to learn academics.
2678.  Finding & getting a waitressing job just down the road.
2673.  A breakfast of pop tarts just Man of the woods and I.
2659.  A good man to stop by just to let us know we're loved.
2655.  Drinking warm coffee on the porch wrapped in a blanket with my sister friend, watching 5 boys play.
2636.  To see David Nevue in concert; A man who has had a huge ministry in my life through his music.
2686.  Strong man able to email with a man he admires in another country.
2682.  Couple from a generation before us willing to walk life with us for a ways.
2687.  Praying with friend to see God answer with a yes in less then 24 hours.
2688.  To feel pain, to feel hope.
Let us hold fast the confession of our hope, without wavering, for He who promised is faithful.
~ Hebrews 10:23

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