Conviction

My fingers were stacking fork on knife to be tightly rolled with a napkin, my mind completely oblivious to there movement focused only on this conversation of the heart when he walked around the corner to fill empty shelves with clean cups. He walked smack dab into our conversation. As the shelves quietly filled, he hears me say, "...To sum up what I'm trying to say is this; I want people to know that I'm a follower of Jesus. But I want people to know I'm real. Those things you said about the religious being legalistic, fake and focused on status quo are all true. That's why I don't like to be called a Christian."

I realize the shelves had stopped filling my eyes shift to find him with his mouth open, our eyes met and words find him, "I thought I was the only one who talked like that. And you, one who is extremely religious to say those things. There must be a problem if you, so convicted, see it too. Wow, I'm in shock...My studies in school are focused on philosophy. I try to stay far from religion, because beliefs when shaken fall apart. There is no foundation to them."

My fingers stop, worried that maybe I had in some way denounced my Savior I quickly answer, "I don't know for sure but I don't think my beliefs can be shaken."

Without missing a beat, "No you don't have beliefs you have conviction. When somebody is convicted it runs deep and is almost impossible to shake. No, what you have is conviction, not beliefs."

The shelves are filled, the silverware rolled and I am alone only with the whirling noise of the vacuum although I don't hear it. Conviction versus belief. How is the word conviction used? Court first comes to mind, as it is the work of my husband after all. Conviction in the court room; the act of finding one guilty. Hmm, I like that. Yes, Jesus, convict me. Show the world that I am guilty of being like you.