Wednesday, July 6, 2011

Diving in

I know I've been kind of quiet this past week or maybe longer.  Who pays attention to time midsummer?  If anything I try to avoid time to slow the pace of things or at least that's what I tell myself.  In all honesty I haven't known what to write.  My search for Eucharist and freedom of sadness has taken me places.  Places I never thought I would need to revisit.

I thought that this broken mind of mine was a long term side effect from some past prescription.  Those nasty pills may have brought my sadness to the surface, but life is deep.  When I dive in with eyes wide open allowing myself to see the whole past I see the darkness haunting me for as long as I can remember.  Maybe it started sixteen days after my second birthday.  The day I lost the title of Big Sister.  The day I became an only child once again.  Maybe it came on any other day.  I don't know.

One thing I do know as I sift and search the depths is that in all of my muck I am able to see God's clear Grace.  It is beautiful.

The LORD is near to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.
~ Psalm 34:18

761.  My Creator always near by.
762.  The Maker of the heavens and the earth insanely in love with my broken soul.
763.  Crystal clear Grace.

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