Saturday, July 2, 2011

Settling, something I'm not used to.

I have sat trying to give an update of my fragile state of mind, but as I type, looking at the different medications I see hopelessness.  Hopelessness in the medications.  The Doc. has decided it's best to settle with the side effects that are annoying rather then continue to mess with the ones that are a bit more dangerous.  Such as this past trial; by day three I spent over thirteen hours trying to convince my heart that as I lived doing my normal low key things it did not need to pound as if I were running a marathon that I had not trained for.  So here I am settling. 

Settling, something I despise.

As hopeless as the next six months look as far as medication goes.  My mood and control of my mood is doing exceptionally well.  I can even feel again.  I can feel love, joy, grace, and I don't feel guilt over everything that happens when I'm in the room.  That is beautiful.

Not only can I feel but so can my boys.  They are not just hearing the words, "I love you" or "Yes, I want to play with you" from this Momma, but I can tell they see it in my eyes too.  I know this from the extra hugs, and I love yous that are given to me each day.  This makes settling worth it all.

For our heart rejoices in Him, because we trust in His holy name.
~ Psalm 33:21

726.  Man of the woods asking, "Momma do you know how much I love you?"
746.  I'm able to see that my trust and hope shouldn't be placed in my medications.

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