Wednesday, October 12, 2011

As I close my eyes

It's been many days since tears ran down my face.  I can't remember the last time I put myself in time out to fight the battle without babies climbing on me for just a few minutes.  It's been months since I needed to visit a friend or have the boys go to work with my Strong man because I just couldn't get out of bed that morning.  I'm finding I don't hound the clock to move forward willing time to pass quickly to no avail.  The meds are helping to some degree.  Many times my smiles filled with laughter come freely.  The strength, that not long ago I only had enough to share with my men, I am finding is over flowing to strangers once again.  Less and less I'm having to rely on my training of the most Holy, but I am able again to have the intimate relationship of Father and daughter conversing.  It is good.  So good.

And then night comes.  As I crawl into bed tired and weary from my day I long to close my eyes and rest, but I know rest will not come easy.  During the day I am able to hold Saddness at bay, but as night falls and my gaurd begins to come down Saddness takes it's stand.  While my body begs to rest Saddness runs savagely through my mind that is exhaustly fighting for it's freedom and sleep.  Second by second, minute by minute, some nights hour by hour I have to fight the lies that Saddness uses to hijack my emotions.  This is hard, but as my boys now have memorized, "I can do all things through Christ."

But as for me, my prayer is to You, O LORD, at an acceptable time; O God, in the greatness of Your lovingkindness, answer me with Your saving truth.
~ Psalm 69:13

1114.  Saving truth.
1115.  Hymns.
1116.  Warm tea.

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