Tuesday, August 28, 2012

Battles of the heart.

In 12 hours we had two major break downs with a dozen minis in between.  To the point of leaving a store and hoping that other Mommas were around knowing they would understood my situation.  My son was screaming, "You hurt me!  I can't walk!"  I knew those who had never parented would probably think of calling the police.  It was that bad and carried over into the busy parking lot as he worked hard to pull away from me with more of the same screaming.  However there in the open all could see that my son was having a tantrum and probably thought just the opposite that this kid needed to be taken to the woodshed...That was break down number one.  I don't know that it got worse but it didn't get better.  By the end of the day and many battles later I was at my wits end having given into nothing.  Even so I did not feel as though I had won any of these battles.  The heart was so dark and it is the heart I fight for right? 

In a moment of calm with as cheery a voice I could find I asked if anybody wanted to go to the park with me, even though it was already dusk.  Aside from those on the basketball court the park was ours.  We played.  We played hard.  I pushed them as high as I could, and they pushed me too.  We slid down slides as many times as they wanted.  We collected sticks.  I tickled them just because.  When they wanted to pass by I charged them with kisses in the gruffest voice I could muster as if I were a troll. We all laughed.  We all played more.  It was good.

He may have learned lessons from the battles of the day, but I'm not really sure. What I do know is that he understands I love him unconditionally.  As I sit here in the quiet with both boys asleep I realize in the end I did win his heart.

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