Counting

It's one of those days.  A day full of minute counting. 

What's the longest movie we can watch?  This way I can just sit, not even having energy for a book...How long can you play in your room as friends?  Yes, I will come too but just to watch as I lay on your bed...Really has it only been 10 minutes? I'm using all my energy to enjoy the ladybug burgars made with little boy love. How long until lunch?  Relief floods over when they ask to watch another show...Maybe if I just call my Strong man I can take some of his strength.  Instead streams run down my face as my voice cracks into the phone...You're hungry?  Okay let's have lunch early today, and then naps.   My sweet Man of the woods is yelled at for shuffling his feet; for being three...

Tuesday, I quickly answered the phone rushing into the pediatric's office for routine maintance, to find after many weeks of waiting the psychiatrist can see me.  She can see me in 4 hours, will I be able to make it?  Yes of course, I've lost much while I've waited.  Whatever it takes to heal this brokenness of mine.  I leave her office encouraged, feeling as though I might get somewhere in all of this. 

The research and "homework" she asks of me only brings life into question.  My perseption of the past and the direction the future could hold.  All of it overwhelming.  Today, it's just one of those days.  In many ways I feel as though I'm back to only knowing the simple truths of God.  This is what I cling to today,"...The Lord is our God, the Lord is one."