Insecurities

About 14 years ago I realized that God wanted more then just a list of all the good things I had done and a bunch of "I'm sorries" for the bad.  What He really wanted was my love, and to be able to show His love to me.

About 14 years ago I began writing.  I would write out my thoughts and He would refine me.  As soon as I'd fill the journal I'd toss it out.  I'm the worst speller, and HATED grammer all through school (although I had the best english teacher.), along with that my hand writing is hideous.  The journals had served there purpose, so out they went.

Last year things became really cloudy.  It was hard to show my men that I loved them.  I wanted them to know that I was doing all I could to fight for joy and the ability to show them love.  That's when I took my writing to the computer screen allowing them to glimpse my life.  It was a huge step, as with my journals the distinction of how I should walk came into sharp focus.  Shortly after I realized the few people I was allowing to follow along were blessed by what I wrote, especially as I began to understand the depression, I opened "Shanbrosia" up for the world to see.  Still a year into public writing I am incredibly insecure.  Everyday I grill Strong man on his thoughts and understanding of my posts.  I want to make sure all know my intentions.

I've had some question my theology, and some wonder why I do what I do, and I'm okay with that.  To each his own.  Up until now I had not had my intentions put into question.  Now that I have, I have decided to pull back.  I'm just not sure I'm ready to share my writings in an organized ministry kind of way.  I think I need to work out my insecurities a bit more.