Wednesday, March 7, 2012

Lie #4

I know some these sound wild, but they still come and I fight them...

Because I am technically insane some one will declare me unfit to mother and take my children from me.

Even though I have been diagnosed with Bi-polar 1 I have never been hospitalized.  And while I fight the battle in my head, I have not hallucinated things before. 

I know many people who have become even more extreme then I have and still love there children through adulthood.  There is no logical basis to my fear of losing my boys, but it's still there in my head.  When I forget they are two and three and expect more then they can give.  When I am so frustrated I have to put myself in a time out so I can be in control of the situation rather then punishing in the moment of my anger or I punish them in my anger, yelling harsh words.  It's still there, running through my mind whispering, "Be careful you're destroying your children."  "The world will see what a fraud you are."  "The world can do better then you."  "Why don't you just stop caring about these boys."

What else can I do then to fall into God's grace and remember it is not only enough for me but also for the men God has given me.

My grace is sufficient for you, for power is perfected in weakness."  Most gladly, therefore, I will rather boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may dwell in me.
~ 2 Corinthians 12:9

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