Friday, December 30, 2011

Home alone tonight.

The house has been quiet for hours now.  The three men went to town to play games and eat out.  I'd say a great man date.  They begged for me to come along too, but today it would have ended with hurt hearts. 

As I change medications my mind jumps from one emotion to the next so simple things drive me to fiery anger.  For example:  I've spent many days in bed this week so when I came out of my room sweet Laughter was overjoyed to see me. He reached out to pat my leg as he said with much glee, "Oh Momma! You here!" I tried hard but still in harsh tones I told him not to touch me as I walked past him out of the room.  In the moment it was the nicest thing I could have done for him...Pretty ugly huh?

I don't know how to see this coming or how to stop myself from these harsh words.  For now until the medications kick in I'm staying at a distancing hoping and praying the Lord will allowing them to forget.

These are the times were I'm constantly reminding myself that this hidden sickness that I have isn't just for me to learn and grow from, but for my men too.  My marriage is sacred.  My Boys gifts from the Almighty.  This sickness too a gift for all of us.

In all their affliction He was afflicted, and the angel of His presence saved them; In His love and in His mercy He redeemed them, and He lifted them and carried them all the days of old.
~ Isaiah 63:9

1399.  Still wanted after all my harsh words.
1400.  Man dates.
1401.  Time alone with God.
1402.  Silence.
1403.  Doc to see me straight away.
1404.  Coffee with my Helper of men friend.
1405.  Encouraging words; a prospective I can't see on my own.
1406.  Bedtime cuddles.
1407.  Little boy prayers just for me.


  1. Yesterday I talked to a friend that told me he used to be very depressed. He was in the pit...couldn't muster up the energy to get out of bed. He was spent on the darkest of emotions. He told me something that helped him rise up...he started just thanking God for everything he could. He started to verbally, audibly THANK GOD for the physical comforts he enjoyed each day, for the relationships in his life, for his every breath...the minutia of his life suddenly started taking on a new perspective in thankfulness. He started to do it everyday. He began to feel a deep hurt lifted...a lighter heart....he got better. His thankful praise-filled heart drew him out of his darkness. He began to read the psalms of thankfulness. He committed several to memory, as his defense against the enemy that was trying to sabotage his mind. He spoke God's WORD over his doubt and depression. He got better.

    I know you are struggling, my friend. Reclaim the good, wonderful things all around you. Speak joy over your spirit, because God has put a JOY, unspeakable JOY within you, and that joy will rise up and replace the dark places that held you too long. God triumphs in our weakness...and He breaks the power of cancelled sin..HE WILL PUT A NEW SONG IN YOUR HEART.

    I am trusting in His power. I am thankful for the "lights" Jesus has put all around you, to shine His incredible love into your life. Look around you and start naming the blessings, thanking Him for all of it. Much love to you from me. Lifting you up today to the Most High God...for total healing.

  2. Hello friend,

    Thanks for stopping by. I just signed on this morning because I realized I had forgotton to post my "Thank You" list. Just before I started seeing a Doctor I read a book called One thousand gifts, by Ann Voskamp. She did just was you suggested I thought it was a splendid idea. So I have a list. Everyday I count higher and higher. I'm learning that even the ugly is a gift because is a new lesson learned.


  3. My new year's resolution is to pray for you each morning, sweet girl!