Tuesday, December 27, 2011

I want my mind back, but God is still good.

I thought about titling this post "Medications suck!."  Here's why:  I'm coming off of one medication that had bad side effects while starting a new medication, and raising the dosage of another medication all at the same time.  A cocktail of fun.  Only we're past the fun part of cocktails.  I feel that I've had one too many drinks and am drunk only it doesn't wear off with sleep.  I'm dizzy all the time.  I'm dropping everything I try to hold.  It's extremely difficult to type, read or even finish a thought.  I've been in bed for two days because I can't control my obsessions and therefore I am agitated with no end in sight becoming frusterated to the point of harsh words or tears.  If I'm in bed the boys are less likely to ask for my help, approval or love.  All I know how to do is lay in bed.  I even have to work to sleep.
I may be full of prescription drugs. I may be resentful towards them, but in all honesty a year ago my mind began to fade away into darkness and the storm began to rule my life with tears.  As much as I'd like to, I can't blame the medications here, even if they aren't helping as of now.

I'm not really sure what's up and what's down.  All I am sure of is that my Creator has a plan, therefore I have a hope and for that I say thank You.

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