Warring for Joy

Warring with oneself is exhausting.  Every minute I fight the battle to see and feel the Joy.  It's as if I'm watching a tug of war contest within my own self.  I can almost physically feel the pull for joy and then the pull for darkness.  Joy.  Darkness.  Joy.  Darkness.  Joy.  Darkness...I need a break; a retreat.

I run to the bathroom.  I sit on the tub's edge only to say, "Lord I know you are enough. Like Paul who was in prison fighting, himself, for perfect joy I know that You can get me through this."

A knock at the door, my oldest needs to pee. Didn't he just do that? Oh well it is enough. To know that this battle against these destroying emotions of lies will be overcome with Joy. God is enough. If He could give Paul joy he can surely give this simple Momma joy. 

He is enough.

Come to Me, all who are weary and heavy-laden, and I will give you rest.

~ Matthew 11:28

568. Happy, joyful boys even though I'm fighting tears.

569. A strong man to hold me physically and emotionally.

570. Husband that leads with love.

571. Songs of praise to clean my soul.

572. A Maker that gives me rest.

As you've noticed, I'm sure by now, I'm an Ann Voskamp fan.  Today's post When you're looking for patches of light encouraged me.  I recomend you check it out if you haven't already.