Saturday, February 18, 2012


Recently I experienced my first "manic episode".  Thankfully it was medically induced, one more medication that I strongly reacted to.  This "high" was not enjoyable.  In fact I would chose a depression over the manic state.  In list form here's how it felt:

~  Couldn't focus long enough to read two or more sentences.
~  Couldn't sleep more then five hours a night.
~  I had terrible judgement.
~  I was constantly frustrated because I couldn't move fast enough and neither could anybody around me.
~  I couldn't sit still.  I had to constantly be moving.
~  I agreed to things I wouldn't normally agree to.
~  I wasn't able to complete any one task.
~  The word agitated is an understatement.
~  I had an overwhelming urge to spend to the point of wanting a new car.

Here are some of the actions I took during that time:
~  I entered a photo contest having never done so before.  This contest is being judged by a world renowned photographer.  Now I'm thinking I'm way out of my league.
~  I changed my blog face to something that isn't that's full of details and stuff.  I tend to be simple from my wedding day to my house decorations to my blog.  The simple look will be coming back soon.
~  I refused to drive out of fear I would put my family and others in a dangerous situation.
~  After three years of keeping our family budget I gave it back to my husband because I realized I was willing to buy anything that look appealing.
~  I agreed to co-host a small conference coming up.  I don't regret my choice and I'm looking forward to it, but I'm a behind the scenes kind of gal.  In fact I've helped put on many conferences much bigger then this one will be but I've never stepped foot on stage before now.  I'm looking forward to it, but the confidence that was there when I first agreed is gone.

I've been in hypo manic episodes before.  In fact they are quite addicting and I wish all of my life could be lived in the vivid color these episodes bring.  Where all who meet me love me (or at least I think they do), and I am able to be super women (even if that means working on a project into the wee hours of the morning), Leaving behind a work ethic that isn't forgotten by my coworkers and employers.  I'm not being arrogant it's just what happens and not just to me but to most who suffer from this sickness.  The only reason we soar the way we do in this state is because we need hardly any sleep and all of our senses are on ultrahigh.  Many people who have done great things and have there names remembered though out the generations have had this sickness.

Here's a link that explains the sickness with simplicity:

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