Monday, May 7, 2012

Lie #7-I'm free and clear.

I feel normal.  Not overly hyper and not bleak.  Life is balanced.  Life is good.  The urge to think that all is well and will forever be is here.  In fact for the last two months I haven't given any thought to my dark companion.  As much as I hate the pills it's been nice to forget the torment of Bi-polar.  I want desperately to live in this state now until my death.  It is constantly running through my mind, that my dark companion is forever gone.  Aahh, but to allow myself to believe that this balance will always be will do a great disservice to my future.  It is, point blank, a lie.  As long as I'm this side of heaven I will do battle with Bi-polar.

Now that my mind is settled and working properly I need to work even harder at the preparations of the next storm to come.  There is no perfect fix for this illness.  The meds that help now may not in six months or a year or five years from now.  The medication my spread things out but as time goes on it will rear it's ugly head.

While my sanity is completely intact I need to do something to anchor myself and my family for the next time darkness invades.  Now is the time to learn, become armed, to form strategies, and fill those love tanks.

I need more time in the Bible, without those written words I would have had no hope throughout this past year.  I need God breathed words constantly running through my mind even when I can't put a complete thought together.  The Word does not prove void.  Next time the battle may not last as long, but will be stronger, that is the way of it.

I need to be working aggressively to protect my marriage, because without Strong man's support there is little hope.  My darkness takes a great toll on him.  I haven't read an account of Bi-polar that hasn't destroyed at least one marriage in a sufferers life.  I refuse to fall into that statistic.  What we have now is good.  I want excellent.  We need excellent if we intend to get through this. 

I need to spend as much time as I can loving on my boys, so that when the clouds come again, they will know I still love them.  I need to take the time to smell the roses with them, to see every moment as an opportunity to teach as well as to love them.  I need it and they need it.

The Maker of the heavens and the earth has given me this darkness to carry while I journey, but He has also given me a joy that cannot be quenched.  I choose to say yes, bring it on even.  I will in my darkest moments find a way to glorify Him, by His Grace.

"...All things are possible to him who believes."  Immediately the boy's father cried out and said, "I do believe; help my unbelief."
~ Mark 9:23b-24

2139.  Hope; all things are possible to him who believes.
2140.  Belief.

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