Monday, December 12, 2011

Hard lessons

I realize today that Man of the woods and I are sharing the same boat.  We're both learning a hard lesson.  Different lessons, but still hard ones.

He went to bed this afternoon without any lunch.  For weeks we've been trying to teach him that he needs to be respectful.  He has no problem saying such things as, "When you die I'm going to spit on you."  (Now I don't say this to talk bad about my son.  But so that one day when he's in my position, he'll know that he'll survive and so will his child.)  Today just before lunch he started letting his tongue run where it wanted and thus lost lunch.  It's a very hard lesson for him, he's never missed a meal before. 

As for me I have forgotten why it is I write.  I have started focusing on you, my readers.  I have over 20 posts started but none finished because I have realized how my thoughts might offend some of you.  How what I am wanting to write isn't what we're taught in christian circles; put on the smile and pretend all is well.  To do our best not to upset anybody.  My heart has been trouble for a few weeks about this.  To the point where I haven't even been able to write about my husband's birthday or our recently celebrated anniversary. 

I'm sorry I've lost my focus. In my forgetfulness I've also forgotten my God.  Sharing with my boys what He's teaching me is the purpose of my writings, and has also become a way I am able to minister to some.  However it is not possible to focus on two things at once.  So by thinking of your feelings I have not kept my eyes on my Creator, at least not fully as He longs for.  That is pure sin. 

These are the things which you should do: speak the truth to one another; judge with truth and judgment for peace in your gates.
~ Zechariah 8:16

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