Tuesday, June 19, 2012

Questions and answers

I think everything has its own season.  What was good for our family last summer may not be good for our family this summer.  I started this blog a little over a year ago, and have in the last few weeks even months begun the evaluation of why I write.  Here are some questions I've been mulling over:

1.  Why did I start this blog?
I started this blog shortly after a darkness began to take over my mind.  I didn't know then that I was dealing with Bi-polar.  I only knew that I needed to write the truths of my life down because truths were beginning to mix with lies and my thinking was becoming foggy.  I also wanted my three men, mainly my sons to know that even though I cried often and put myself in "time outs" I loved them, and that God was enough for any situation life might hand them just as He had been for me and all the generations that came before.

2.  Why go public if it was to my sons?
At first I was only allowing my close friends and family to read my blog.  Search engines couldn't find it; it was fairly well hidden.  Then those friends started telling me how encouraged they were by my transparency and my trust in God.  So I allowed it to go public.  Since then my friends from around the world have been able to stay up to date on the life of my family and I as well as being able hold me up in prayer more specifically.

3.  Is this blog meant to be a ministry?
No, it was never meant that way, although for a time I did begin to see it as that.  Honestly it's always just been a journal of how God has loved me and how I have fought to love Him back.  In many cases it has shown my sinfulness.  I know some see it as a ministry, but really I'm just working out my salvation not trying to teach my readers.  If others could be encouraged from my darkness and my journey then so be it.  In fact when readers write telling me that God taught them through my blog I am encouraged, but it is not why I write.

4.  Now that my Manic-depressive illness is under control should I continue recording my journey?
I don't know.  I'm still working that out.  I'm able to actually love my boys through words and action now, not just the hope that as men they will read my words and see that I loved them despite the darkness.  Once again my mind has grasped clarity.  Maybe the best thing is to keep it as an online scrapbook for them, only recording the big things God does in our lives and the epic family adventures (EFA) we have.  This way friends and family in far off lands can watch us grow...Everything has it's own season and every season comes to an end.  I don't know how this will change, but I think Shanbrosia will change as I do.

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