Sunday, January 1, 2012

Reflections of 2011

January of last year I woke one morning feeling a bit glum.  I figured after a few days I'd be back to my happy ol' self.  I soon found that the glum was planning to stay.  So I searched my heart for months begging God to show me my sin so that I could repent and feel something more then sadness again.  Spending as many hours  a day that the hoolies would allow in Bible study and prayer.  I spent time with godly women and friends asking them to help me search my sinful heart. 

After three months the flood gates opened and refused to close.  Tears every day for much of the day, finally pushing me to see a Doc.  Many trials and errors and now two doctors in. I've spent time with my Shepherd and have many in the church lifting me up before the King.  It's beautiful!  The body working together as it should.  Prayers, tears, encouraging words, accountability all put into me.  I am blessed.

Here are some things I've learned amidst random photos from this year:

1.  Depression is a real sickness and not always brought on by sin.

2. The body of Christ is a beautiful thing.

3. The "terrible twos": my favorite age!

4. Working in the garden brings rest to my soul.

5. Anything in nature brings rest. All of it points to the greatest Lover of all.

 6. Motherhood looks different for each of us and is constantly morphing.

7.  Strong man is the best gift I'll ever receive on earth. 

8. Friends of all kinds are needed.   Allowing them to see my dirt is a good thing.

9. Pride is useless.

10.  God is always good.  Even the darkness is a gift.

As I look to this upcoming year I really have two goals:  That my focus and the focus of my three men will only be on Jesus.  If we live true to this then it doesn't matter what the year brings us.  It will be good.

But You, O LORD, are a shield about me, My glory, and the One who lifts my head.
~ Psalm 3:3

1413.  Strong man who loves me through my messiness.
1414.  Motherhood is mine; I can do it my way.
1415.  Friends who are willing to get dirty with me.
1416.  Little boys to love on.
1417.  Children that teach me the Creators unconditional love.
1418.  Hoolies that show me how quick I need to forgive and let go.
1419.  Creation.
1420.  Unending blessing; countless gifts.
1421.  Boy joy.
1422.  A Light in my darkness.


  1. Dear Shandy. You are a priceless jewel, a glory to our Father, an inspiration to all who know you. I have committed to praying regularly for you and count it a real privilege. I wish I could fix what is wrong, but know that I can't. I also know that we have a heavenly Father who can and will in His time. Until then, I thank God for you and the hope that you demonstrate in your blog thoughts. I know that your road is difficult, but I would like to be one of those people who hold your hands up while the battle is raging. Thank you for being so transparent in our Sunday School class. We are so glad to have you. I love you!!

  2. Carol,
    Thank you my friend. Prayer is the greatest gift you could give me I think.

    By the way I'm sooo glad Blogger played nicely with you. Encouraging words are huge gifts right now.