Wednesday, January 11, 2012

Part 1: Secrets filled with Grace

I've heard it said that the Devil hides in the secrets. 

As I want with all that I am to be known as a Christ follower and as personality would have it, I'm a pretty open person.  I talk often about my secrets and hurts.  But there is one I speak of less then the others.  I have not yet spoken of it here.  I think it is time.  It was suggested that I speak of it at an up coming retreat so why not here where, daily I pour out my heart to my sons, my God, and you.

When Strong man and I first got married we were undecided if we would ever tell our someday children this secret.  As if one sin is worse then another or if this secret would destroy our family.  I guess it could have, had Jesus not shown his unending Grace to me and later to my Strong man. 

You see this secret like most others is a sin that runs deep with consequences life long. 

Years ago, I went to a small christian school.  You know the ones were everybody acts more like brother and sister because they are together so much the time.  So it was pretty exciting when my sophomore year we found out we were getting a new teacher.  It also turned out that he would be the youth pastor at the youth group I regularly attended.  Everybody loved him.  He went above and beyond that of most youth pastors.  He was always at our games and if a group of us was doing something he would usually come along.  After about a year of this the group started to fade away and often times it would be the two of us waiting only to find them as no shows.

This is when I heard in the most urgent of feelings the Holy Spirit tell me to TURN AND RUN!!!  It was just like that too.  There was no small nudging or whisper.  It was urgent and loud.  And still I ignored it.  I couldn't fathom why this friendship was one I should leave.  He was after all a Bible scholar, and "living for the Lord."  At the age of 17, I chose logic over the Holy Spirit.  Looking back it wasn't even good logic, but I was just 17 and I was naive.  He was the first to pursue me in a way that I found intriguing.  I knew without a doubt I could trust him because of his positions.

I'm sure you know where this story is going.  You are correct.  I felt dirty and used.  All the while bound to him for my sin.  I knew I could only redeem myself if I continued on in the relationship to be his wife.  Of course that too ended badly. It took years to accept the Grace and find my worth in Christ.  Then again the emotional toll it put on Strong man and I as we became husband and wife.  The gift that I wasn't able to give to the one who loved me as Christ loves me (Ephesians 5:25).  The gut wrenching pain it causes at times when I forget the Grace.  The never ending always abounding Grace.

That is beauty of this story.  God promises to work all things together in a believer's life for good (Romans 8:28)  Through this time of rebellion and worthlessness on my part, I was pursued by my Maker and shown Grace.  The Grace that never before this fit into my relationship with God.  Honestly it was just a word - not a gift that was ever accepted and known by me.  God's Grace.  A beautiful thing...If you have no idea what I'm talking about when I say God's Grace, please click here - A Love Story

O people in Zion, inhabitant in Jerusalem, you will weep no longer.  He will surely be gracious to you at the sound of your cry; when He hears it, He will answer you.
~ Isaiah 30:19

1477.  Forgiveness.
1478.  Christ a pardon from my sin.
1479.  A sin turned and used for God's glory on many occasion.
1480.  Out of a deep sin a deeper lesson, Grace.
1481.  A husband to forgive.
1482.  God to give special gifts.

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