Thursday, January 12, 2012

Today, Thursday 12, 2012

Here I sit.  In an unmade bed. In my room with the door locked.  Angry.  I'm just angry.  I know I should hold back hard, but still that toy broom by the wall.  I threw it there.  It was in my way as I was taking off the sheets to be washed.  But that's not why I sit here.  I'm here because my sweet laughter spilt his juice.  He's two.  I yelled and screamed.  In my head I was telling myself to shut up, but I just couldn't control it.  Strong man has the morning off so here I sit in time out trying hard to go back to good.  To take control of this sickness that runs my mind; Bi-polar.

Yesterday was good.  I got through a whole day without yelling.  I did need some space but I saw it coming so I took it.  I did so some things different; cupcakes for breakfast and clean pj's for the day.  It was good.  I was proud of myself.

Pride.  It always comes before a fall.  Pride.  I stayed up too late last night.  I was feeling so good.  So here I am fallen.

In tears I sit, but no longer because of anger.  My dear Sister friend reminded me of Grace.  Here I was planning not to post today because I wanted my readers to remember Grace.  Yet it was I who needed to be reminded.

He brings me back to this:  Therefore the LORD longs to be gracious to you, and therefore He waits on high to have compassion on you.  For the LORD is a God of justice; how blessed are all those who long for Him.
~ Isaiah 30:18

1544.  Again Grace; the never ending, freely given Grace.
1545.  A sister's love.
1546.  A prophets sufferings.

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