Saturday, December 31, 2011

Here's to letting go

Man of the woods just a few months old at the office, with his Nana.
I'm a live big or go home kind of gal. I've done it with everything in life, just ask my Mom. So when my sneaking suspicions were confirmed that I was going to be a Momma, I knew just what I wanted that to look like. I even had it prioritized! (Don't get me wrong I knew enough of myself to know I wouldn't even come close to the perfect Mom, but I sure was going to be a good one.)

Working hard
My list:
1.  This baby was going to know that I loved Jesus with all of my heart.
2.  I was going to continue to work and mother.  I had the perfect set up and my boss was family.
3.  I was going to keep working in the church just as hard as I always had.  It would be a good lesson for sweet little baby to see ministry in action.
4.  I can hardly even remember what this one was, something about always being involved in baby's life.  Whatever that's supposed to mean.  I'm a Mom of course I'm involved!

I was sick as a dog the ENTIRE pregnancy, but I didn't let it slow me down.  I still worked with the teens, I still worked at my job, I still went on vacations.  I even went out of state with a group of teens.  Of course you  are now thinking one of two things, 1.  She doesn't really understand morning sickness.  Or 2.  What is this girls secret?...Let me tell ya I understand morning sickness ment loosing 14 lbs in 12 short weeks and motion sickness for 8 1/2 months.  My secret?  Ziploc.  Gallon sized.  Nothin' amazing.

Man of the woods was born after 29 hours of labor, double contractions and all.  It was amazing!!  Nobody can accomplish more then a women bring life into the world.  It's just beautiful.  He came out screaming like all babies do.  I quickly realized that somebody forgot to tell him there was more to life then screaming.  I mean sleep was important too.  He just kept on screaming, for 6 months before we realized he had an allergy.  Cows milk.  Who would have thought?  By eight months of not sleeping priority number two, uh yeah, GONE!!  And what a relief it was.

Two months later the rumblie tummy said we were growing another one. I thought," this is it. It's going to be a breeze the first is always the hardest so they say." Well I don't know who THEY are, but THEY are WRONG! I was so sick, by far worse then the first go round and this time depression was thrown in for fun too (a side effect of one of the nausea medications I had to take). I kept going, working in the church and mothering and it was good, well at least in thought. I was wiped out and it was honestly a huge strain on all of us. A year in a half later priority number 3 GONE!  Coming home from the mission field I said I would never let go of this one.  Even so I was saddened but grateful to be able to focus on my two little men.

That's where I decided to have one goal as I raise these handsome boys of mine. I was going to make sure they knew I loved Jesus more then anything. Again I thought it would look much different then it does. I thought I'd play with them, train them, teach them, and much more. That I do. but some days it looks very different then I ever expected it to look.

Laughter & Great Grandpa Joe

This coming week.  I've asked friends of all sorts to be around my house so that they can love the boys for me.  I know that I am broken now.  I know that right now I can't mother the way I want too.  So if I can be around but have help loving the boys then that's what I'll do.  After all we are the body of Christ.  One of the best things I can teach them is that I'm not the only one that Loves Jesus and my way of doing that isn't the only way.

Here's to letting go of expectations.

Come now, you who say, "Today or tomorrow we will go to such and such a city, and spend a year there and engage in business and make a profit."  Yet you do not know what your life will be like tomorrow.  You are just a vapor that appears for a little while and then vanishes away.
~ James 4:13-15

1408.  Freedom from expectations.
1409.  Learning again the meaning of the body of Christ.
1410.  Many friends willing to walk with me as I struggle.
1411.  Many who adore my boys.
1412.  Jesus' love being shown in uncommon ways for our culture.

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