Monday, June 20, 2011

Fully wife.

I had this crazy idea when I first got married that married life would be a lot like having a room mate.  Only a little more intimate.  I thought he would have his job, I would have mine.  We would have our own friends and shared friends.  He would cook some, I would cook some.  We'd be best friends for life and it would be good.  Basically I would still do my thing and he would do his thing.  One of the major problems with this twisted idea was that he was on the other end of of the spectrum.  My strong man thought that we would do everything together.  Wake up together, go to bed together, brush our teeth together, everything together.  As you can imagine it was an interesting first few months of marriage.  Both of us realizing that our fantasies of how married life should be were very wrong.  With each season of life we learn better how to love each other.  We've learned to become quite the parenting team to our boys.  For a while we lead youth group together, then we divided and conquered with our teen ministry.  Once again we're changing.  As he works part time at church and the other part at the law office, my only responsibilities are mothering and being wifey. 

Some days I feel helpless and on the sidelines.  I feel like his world is changing and moving.  All I can do is watch and pray.  At first it saddens me to think that he gets to go and do while I'm here sitting and watching.  I'm a do-er.  Sitting doesn't come natural for me.  Then I'm reminded of the Apostle Paul's words, Pray without ceasing!  I realize again what an honor it is for me to sit before the Creator of the heavens and the earth on behalf of my husband!  I know my Strong man in a way that no other human being will ever know him and I've been called from the beginning of time to be his helper.  To share my husbands burdens, weaknesses, strengths, all that he is with the One who loves us both perfectly.  A huge responsibility, and a gift has been given to me and only me.  That is not a job for one that spends life on the sidelines.  That's what makes me fully wife. 

Some days I really am helpless and on the sidelines.  I can barely get out of my own way, especially with this depression.  Something I cannot control.  Those days I have to rely on his judgement, words of love, and allow him to carry me through.  Honestly how can I expect him to love me as he is required to if I don't show him my breaks and cracks.  Letting him see all that I am, broken and empty, is living my life as fully wife.

I love learning to be a fully his wife. It is taking our relationship to a completely different level of trust, love and communication.  It is good.

The man said, "This is now bone of my bones, and flesh of my flesh; she shall be called woman, because she was taken out of man."  For this reason a man shall leave his father and his mother, and be joined to his wife; and the shall become one flesh.
~ Genesis 2:23-24

688.  Laughing late into the night with my Strong man.
689.  Being skunked in Cribbage for the very first time by my Strong man.
691.  Praying for my husband.
692.  Able to trust my husband with my brokenness.

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